this me?

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Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 263
   Posted 1/18/2009 1:09 AM (GMT -6)   
I'm relatively new to the Ulcerative Colitis forum on Healing Well and have wandered over here over the past few weeks and this is my first post. I hope I don't put anyone to sleep!
I've been reading and reading and reading and have gotten to the point where I have to throw my story out there. By my question at the subject line, I have not been diagnosed other than by myself. I've been to see the doc but he is not at the point where he wishes to dispense medication....yet.
I have been a worrier for a large part of my life. I've often had this thing that gets in my head that I'm sick, I've got something, I'm dying, etc., etc, but for the most part I've been able to steer clear of anything that I thought resembled an anxiety attack. I'm always considered by everyone to be a "happy-go-lucky guy". I've got a wonderful wife and 4 beautiful boys, and when I say I've got 4 beautiful boys, this is perhaps where my story has a bit of a twist.
We have 3 boys on this earth with us and one little guy smiling down on us from above. We lost a full term baby on his due date. It was a life changing experience for us and I had to be "the rock" so to speak because as hard as it was for me, my poor wife carried a healthy active baby for 9 mos and all of a sudden something went wrong. We're not sure what went wrong but we were both of the mind that it happened for a reason and we could not control it. My wife spent a fair bit of time with a therapist discussing things and felt it was something I should do, but I never did. about 8 months later my stomach started messing up and I had some bleeding from my behind and I thought I was dying... literally. Don't know if it was the fact that I tried to be in control the whole time we were grieving but all of a sudden I basically lost it. Long story short for that episode, I got checked out via a colonoscopy and gastroscopy and NOTHING. Our lives went on.   
7 years later, much goes on, new house, job stress, busy busy lives with 3 boys to run around, etc. Spring I have the same symptoms again as above and once again, I'm dying. Get checked out via colonoscopy, this time I've got Ulcerative Proctitis. Not a great thing, but at the end of the day not a bad diagnosis. I get prescribed some meds and carry on through the summer, not taking my meds as regularly as I should but nonetheless taking them. Symptoms not disappearing, so once again I'm dying. In the meantime I'm driving my wife up the wall. I visit the GI doc in early fall, he assures me nothing else is going on, prescribes some other meds, I take them, but once again I tend to miss more than I should. In the meantime, I start monitoring every little feeling in my body that is unusual. Every noise, every twitch, every ache, every pain...I'm dying again.  Googling every thing! 2 weeks or so prior to Christmas I started having upper back pain/tightness..not sure how to describe it...not much sleep becasue of it regardless of what I take. Christmas sucked.. I spent the whole time feeling sorry for myself. My mind does not stop, I am obsessing about the fact that I have "something"!
Was away to a hockey tournament last weekend and ended up in the hospital. My extremities felt numb/tingly, heart started racing, BP Spiking, chest tightness...never felt like this through all my worries about "dying". Had an EKG, chest x-ray, bunch of blood work, and nothing unusual. What they did do was hook me up to an IV, and gave me some ativan.(sp) Life was good that night, not a care in the world body wise...a calm came over me, the ativan I'm thinking. No prescrip though.
Next day, I'm back to my old worrisome self and have been for the last week since I've been back! Still sleeping like crap, went to my doc for a physical after I came back, asked for something and he would not give me anything for what I am feeling is anxiety. I went back (again) to see him and he gave me some sleeping pills to help me along but still would not prescribe anything for me, as this is not his philosophy and I do appreciate that but feel like I need something. 
So... based on my long drawn out I a darn good candidate for GAD?? My apologies for the lenght!

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 6386
   Posted 1/18/2009 2:31 AM (GMT -6)   

Welcome, it does sound to me like you are having health anxiety try not to google things as it will make it worse i am guilty of this and know its difficult not to do but try to avoid the best you can. Please do make sure you take all your medication your doctor has given them to you to help with your symptoms, I know it can seem a bit much taking pills all the time and I do find this hard but i trust my doctor the best i can and take his advice.

Have you told your doctor you are feeling anxious? If not i would recommend you do and see what he says I also found that therapy seems to really help me with my GAD/Depression.

I hope things start to improve for you keep posting here to tell us how you are getting on.

Green Grove
Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2424
   Posted 1/18/2009 3:21 AM (GMT -6)   
Hey ZLSJ and Welcome to the A/P forum :)

I really can't add much except to say hello to you. Ben took the words right out of my mouth, lol :) I would follow his advice and definitely consult your doc about the way you are feeling. Anxiety can mimic many different disorders, so it is always good to have a go and get checked out, IMHO. It does sound to me that if you had the different heart tests done and was given a benzo to calm down which worked, that it is likely that you may have GAD. Follow up with your doctor and let him/her know how you are feeling both physically and mentally my friend. It is well worth it for the peace of mind :)
Much Love, Hugs, Peace & Comfort . . . Your Bro . . . Sam :)
 ~Co-Moderator Anxiety & Panic Forum~
"Fall Seven Times. . . . . . . . . .  Stand Up Eight."
~Japanese Proverb~
Not a professional.  Seek your physician's advice before making changes to your meds or lifestyle.

Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2005
Total Posts : 20
   Posted 1/18/2009 7:10 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi, sorry to hear of your bad times. It does sound like anxiety, but I wouldnt start labelling yourself with having a 'disorder'. Its perfectly possible and totally understandable to have a spell of anxiety after tough times (often delayed a long time after the event), and then to go on and not be troubled by it again. Men have it so hard with, like you say having to be a 'rock'. Maybe youre suffering from a bit of depression too eh? You might benefit from a short course of anti-depressants rather than quick fix sedatives like ativan or diazepam. In the meantime, it might be worth getting a couple of books to read up on some coping techniques for anxiety ro depression. I'm not going to recommend any because different things suits different people, but get onto amazon and order something!
Keep active, regular exercise, feed yourself comedy films to lift the spirits, give your wife lots of hugs, play with your boys, accept how youre feeling for the moment (cos wishing it away won't make it go quicker, acceptance of the moment is the key) and have faith that in a bit of time it will pass by. And stop googling illnesses! I do that too.. this week i have some form of circulatory disease and the beginnings of cancer... (translates to a slightly sore toe and a bit of chest tightness...cheers google)
Let us know how youre getting on - everyone is very supportive, and dont worry about boring us!
Im an old member who's back to get involved again - i used to be just plain 'haze', but lost all my login details!

Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 263
   Posted 1/18/2009 10:46 AM (GMT -6)   

Thanks for the nice responses. Health Anxiety sure sounds like me.

Though I'm always in touch with my body, regardless of Google, I think it would do me a world of wonders if I could just stop hitting every medical site and trying to diagnose my next physical feeling. I've got any of the following below according to my symptoms: Celiac, Diabetes, Cancer (2 or 3 different ones), Anxiety, ETC.

I have been diagnosed with Ulcerative Proctitis and that there is a good chance I have IBS...that's all, yet I'm dying!  Aaargghh!!

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 1/18/2009 11:12 AM (GMT -6)   
Good Morning and Welcome to HealingWell.  You have come to the right place as we are one big family here and we strive to help all of our great members.
I am wondering if you have thought of seeing a different PCP as your physician does not seem to be working with you to meet your needs.
You would do better perhaps by seeing a Psychiatrist and also a theapist.  I have lost a child and  I am wondering if you have issues you have not put to rest yet  from your loss of your son.

Grief is a normal and healthy response to loss, not an illness. Its symptoms are painful, but they serve an adaptive purpose. Most grief runs its course with the support of your friends/family. But sometimes grief can trigger depression .
this may happen whenyou try to be the rock and don't let your feelings out.  I know you were there for your wife but you are a couple and you need each other to hold onto when you lose a child.  You can be strong and still show your emotions.  A therapist would help you to deal with this also.

Your post does show sx of anxiety and I see some depression too but remember I am not a professional.

Again welcome to our family, you are now a part of the family.

Gentle Hugs



Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
&  Moderator GERD  Forums

*~* *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources

Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 263
   Posted 1/18/2009 2:45 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks for welcoming me to the family.

I've started seeing a counsellor through work and hope to have some follow up from my doc within a week or so from my physical. Hope I can keep my wits of me till then.

I keep having these little "mini" attacks where my hands feet go numb, tingly, heart races a bit, then I settle down. Having a real hard time turning off my health worries though...maybe watching the football games will help.

Had a spinal scan done at a new chiro (a non-cracker) the other day, it was interesting because the areas of my back that are giving me problems were all marked red which indicates I have a lot of nerve issues there. I think it's all related.
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