Anxiety - feeling isolated (title editted)

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Corrie_1
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 185
   Posted 1/19/2009 7:12 PM (GMT -7)   
I've been trying to write something on here for awhile now, but I find myself erasing, rewriting, changing thoughts and left with nothing.

I'm having a difficult time, and I think I'm in denial about how bad things are right now - it's like I know things but I don't want to admit them... and it's making my anxiety worst.

I'm so scared of nobody around me understanding what its like for me right now, I'm trying to be happy and normal but its really hard. I have a life to live, responsibilities, friends, family and I feel like I'm abandoning them right now - and nobody understands what its like to be in my head... worrying about things, dealing with things, even my body aches.

It's like I fighting infinity... I can't even wrap my head around it.

I just need to hear from people who understand.

-Corrie
 

Post Edited By Moderator (percycat) : 1/20/2009 11:43:47 AM (GMT-7)


Mazfire
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1683
   Posted 1/19/2009 7:19 PM (GMT -7)   

I understand, and i guarentee other members will also. anxiety can be so overwhelming and all consuming- it really traps you sometimes. are you seeing a counsellor/therapist/Pdoc about any of this?

Keeping you in my prayers, keep us posted on how you are, but hang in there, we are here for you always.

Maz XX


            'He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.' (Psalm 147:3)                  
 
Panic Disorder, Agoraphobia, CFS, Fibromyalgia, Chronic Sinusitis, TMJ disorder, Endometriosis, PCOS, Chronic E.N.T and Upper respiratory tract infections, Reactive Arthritis, GERD,  IBS, Glandular fever, Migraines, Anemia, Chemical/Noise/Light sensitivity, Trichotilomania, PTSD, Seasonal Mood  Disorder, OCD, Benign Vertigo,  Impaired immune system. Tachycardia, tinnitus, low clotting factor= bruising. Tendonitis, Bursitis.
Meds: Zoloft 150mg. Xanax 4mg. Celebrex. Mobic. Panadeine Forte. Digesic. Nexium. Phenergan.
Multiple surgeries- I bear the scars of my poor physical health.
Age:28. AP first DX @ 10. Fibro etc DX @14. Proud Aussie.
 
 


Corrie_1
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 185
   Posted 1/19/2009 7:25 PM (GMT -7)   
I see a councillor, and a doc.

I'm just not sure they'll understand exactly how i feel and I'm scared they're going to lable me crazy.

It's almost like I get anxiety just thinking of that possibility.

*sigh*

Eh, I'm going to go relax :P
Diagnosed with Fibro - October 2008

Venlafaxine 70mg/Armitriptyline 40mg to help me sleep and anxiety

Ativan... when things get real bad.


mollydolly
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 12
   Posted 1/19/2009 7:30 PM (GMT -7)   
I know exactly how you feel. I am in the same boat as you are right now. A husband, kids, and a house to hold up and i feel like i am so consumed in negative thoughts that I cant keep my head above the water let alone take care of three other people. You know. Hang in there. I am trying to also. You are not alone. :)

percycat
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 1952
   Posted 1/20/2009 11:41 AM (GMT -7)   
Corrie,

We definitely understand. It can make anxiety so much worse when you feel isolated, so I'm glad you went ahead and posted. Even though you may not have liked your post, it will bring the other members out to help you.

I have had doctors at times whom I feared wouldn't understand what I was going through. The best advice I can give is to look for someone who specializes in what you think you might need. For instance, if you experience agoraphobia, you might seek out a counselor who treats that. Picking someone with the right specialty would limit your chances of having a doctor who just casually treats you or who gives "pat" diagnoses without truly trying to understand.
 
(Also, I editted your title just a bit to make it clearer to other members what you're needing.  Don't worry, though, you did *just fine* with your post.)

percycat


Percy/Percycat

Co-Moderator, Anxiety and Panic Forum


Corrie_1
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 185
   Posted 1/20/2009 12:16 PM (GMT -7)   
Alas... I wish it was simple to change doctors and councilors here. I live in a town of a thousand people. Resources are thin and ignorance seems to be everywhere. I live on an island :P and season dictates that we have no ferry and flights are an arm an a leg.

I guess I display characteristics of PTSD - not something I'm having an easy time exploring. I see two councillors, one about my anxiety who helps me tackle my hospital stuff (just being in the hospital gives me anxiety). The other lady I see about my ptsd, but she's new to councilling, this is actually her first job in the field.

My doctor, eh... she's just gotten back from a 3 month trip and I don't feel high on her priority list. I know I should talk to her, since I don't think she understands that at this point just showing up for an appointment for me takes effort. Last time I saw her, my mind felt numb on ativan, and I couldn't put enough words out to tell her whats up.

i have a problem verbally communicating in stressful situations, I'm very talented at backtracking, and I often find myself lying without any intention of doing so, not speaking up or not bringing up things that need to be brought to attention.

It's like I my mind goes on saftey mode when I'm faced with dealing or even talking about what I'm struggling with.

I've just kept everything to myself and fought by myself for so long that I've put so many walls up that I'm having a horrible time trying to work my way through them.
Diagnosed with Fibro - October 2008

Venlafaxine 70mg/Armitriptyline 40mg to help me sleep and anxiety

Ativan... when things get real bad.


anxiety-buster
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 1/20/2009 12:39 PM (GMT -7)   
Corrie: You said. "i have a problem verbally communicating in stressful situations, I'm very talented at backtracking, and I often find myself lying without any intention of doing so, not speaking up or not bringing up things that need to be brought to attention."
Could it be fear of reprisals stemming from anxiety that brings this behavior up? If so, you may want to explore emotional freedom technique . Speaking for myself, my mother had a habit when I was a young child of slapping me till she got the answer she wanted..true or not. There may be less dramatic but similar in origin roots for you.
 
PLZ  read rules again about the posting of other sites such as HW.....the site or place you mentioned to go to has a posting board just like HW
Thanks for your co operation
LYN.......any questions email me
 

Post Edited By Moderator (Howlyncat) : 1/22/2009 10:51:30 AM (GMT-7)


gilly-love
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 204
   Posted 1/20/2009 10:46 PM (GMT -7)   
When I found this site I did the exact same thing as you...type..delete...Type...delete! Then I just did it....Didn't even think about it and just blurted it out...I havn't looked back! You have done the right thing. You had the bravery to admit there might be issues worth discussing with supportive and caring people, just like yourself! WELCOME! or should I say WELCOME BACK? gillxx
 


 

"Our greatest problems in life come not

so much from the situations we confront

as from our ability to handle them"

xx


Green Grove
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2424
   Posted 1/21/2009 1:44 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm also glad you posted and don't worry about it sounding perfect or trying to cover everything at once. If we flubber a bit that is okay. That is what us mods are here to help with, so don't be shy :) I also understand how you feel about living in a small community and having to kind of take what we got and deal with it when it comes to the docs and such. I also will bottle things up myself and have struggled to just let go and have a little faith in people. Kind of like I will open up more with you all on here than I would with my doctor, because I also feel more comfortable communicating with like minded people :) I guess that is the purpose of a peer support group though, lol :)

All jokes aside, I wish you the best and hope you find some peace within yourself and in your life.
Much Love, Hugs, Peace & Comfort . . . Your Bro . . . Sam :)
 ~Co-Moderator Anxiety & Panic Forum~
"Fall Seven Times. . . . . . . . . .  Stand Up Eight."
~Japanese Proverb~
Not a professional.  Seek your physician's advice before making changes to your meds or lifestyle.
 


Corrie_1
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 185
   Posted 1/21/2009 10:06 AM (GMT -7)   
:) Working on peace! And thank you all very much for your posts - it's nice to know I'm not totally alone on this.

Wish me luck, I'm going to the hospital this afternoon because I'm experiencing very painful chest pains - I also am going to try and talk to my doc about anxiety (if I remember/get that far).
Diagnosed with Fibro - October 2008

Venlafaxine 70mg/Armitriptyline 40mg to help me sleep and anxiety

Ativan... when things get real bad.


percycat
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 1952
   Posted 1/21/2009 1:45 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey, Corrie, I hope the hospital visit goes well. Let them check you out thoroughly, and tell us how it went (if you feel like it).

percycat

Percy/Percycat

Co-Moderator, Anxiety and Panic Forum


Corrie_1
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 185
   Posted 1/22/2009 10:36 AM (GMT -7)   
I bailed... didn't go to the doctor.

I spent the day with my friend who's pregnant, she called me and asked me to visit - she's gone off the deep end. Screaming fits, crazy rage a bad drug problem.

At this rate her partner is going to leave her, and if he does, I really think there is a huge chance she might do something drastic.

i had a good chat with her partner, he doesn't want to be the one who leaves his pregnant girlfriend... but what happens when that girlfriend screams at you every moment she can get a breath in?

I've seen it... it's not a good situation. I know I can't control peoples choices or life decisions... and I know this causing me more stress than I need - but I really do care about what happens to both of them... and their baby to be.

I've convinced her to go seek counciling - I know besides that there is very little I can do.

-------

*sigh* I should have went to the doctor yesterday... I see one of my councilors today - an appointment I can't avoid or put off.

I feel like I've been avoiding the hospital - finding any excuse not to go - It's like denial... if I don't talk to a doctor, they can't tell me anything is wrong.

I'm just scared, I'm tired of being this way and I just want to live a normal life, with a job and a life - not struggling to get through each day and going to appointments 3 times a week.

I'm almost 21. I have nothing, not my health, not a job, no money... no prospects at this point... and its really hard.

I was always so independant before this.
Diagnosed with Fibro - October 2008

Venlafaxine 70mg/Armitriptyline 40mg to help me sleep and anxiety

Ativan... when things get real bad.


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 1/22/2009 10:57 AM (GMT -7)   
Corrie
I am so glad you have shared all that you are going thru
I too dint like to go to the doc as I was afraid of what would be said
I had told Kitt ( lil sis) that I was pretty positive I had Fibro and lo and behold I was spot on the money

HUn the thoughts that you have........ one is wrong you have us here
Yes many of our family and friends do NOT get the anxiety and panic nor health anxiety we live each day but that doesnt mean you are crazy or alone

I am glad you spent the day with your friend but I believe she needs professional help from what you have posted..........YOU are a great friend to her for sure and her partner..........but defintitely it could add to your angst and issues
PLZ do let us know how you make out at the therapists/ councillors okay........
I also am from Canada and live in Ontario........Strathroy just a bit from London
where are you at ??

Be well amd YOU are not alone

LYN

Fixing Typos ......... turn


 DX: Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,
Fibro & Other DD

Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
                               Moderator@Alzheimer's..
              CO Moderator @ Anxiety and Panic........Co Moderator   @ Crohns                    
                            Keep The Fight Going..Or YOu Will Lose
               Look For The GOOD, Even At Your Lowest
  We Have Anxiety and Panic...................Anxiety and Panic DO NOT Have us         
   
                                     LYN

Post Edited (Howlyncat) : 1/22/2009 11:44:05 AM (GMT-7)


Corrie_1
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 185
   Posted 1/22/2009 11:27 AM (GMT -7)   
I live in BC :) Other side of the country.

I live on one of the many islands on the coast, lots of rain, trees and random animals.... less people than all three. Born and raised here. Love it - I'm not a city person, tried that for a bit... concrete isn't my friend.

Thanks for your comment lyn, and everybody else. You guys made me feel a bunch better :)
Diagnosed with Fibro - October 2008

Venlafaxine 70mg/Armitriptyline 40mg to help me sleep and anxiety

Ativan... when things get real bad.


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 1/22/2009 11:47 AM (GMT -7)   
I am glad you feel better and now just remember you are part of this FAMILY come here and talk vent cry laugh whatever...........

WE are all here for you as I said.........

My Cait ( daughter) goes to Vancouver every yr to see her Parternal Grama ( her Bio Dad passed away there a few yrs back )
She loves it out there
My son and GK's are in Calgary

Be well

Luvs
LYN

It was the "Eh"s that got me Eh lol
 DX: Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,
Fibro & Other DD

Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
                               Moderator@Alzheimer's..
              CO Moderator @ Anxiety and Panic........Co Moderator   @ Crohns                    
                            Keep The Fight Going..Or YOu Will Lose
               Look For The GOOD, Even At Your Lowest
  We Have Anxiety and Panic...................Anxiety and Panic DO NOT Have us         
   
                                     LYN


Corrie_1
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 185
   Posted 1/22/2009 2:27 PM (GMT -7)   
I have a sister that lives near Van, going to college.

Which brings me to my brother leaving to India for a month on Feb 10th. He's just 16 (turned 16 in december)... just graduated from Highschool and my parents are sending him on a mission to a different country.
I went through the same anxiety when my sister went to china when she was 18.

I know he has his own life to live... but I think he needs to take it easy and maybe be a kid for a bit, he's going right into post-secondary when he gets back.

I just think 16 is a little early to decide what you want to do with the rest of your life.

45 minutes until my appointment.

The thought of it makes me sick to my stomach.

But I'll survive :) I'll write when i get back.


And yes "Eh" is a very common word in my vocab ;p same with "kyaaah". haha
Diagnosed with Fibro - October 2008

Venlafaxine 70mg/Armitriptyline 40mg to help me sleep and anxiety

Ativan... when things get real bad.


Corrie_1
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 185
   Posted 1/22/2009 4:56 PM (GMT -7)   
I feel so much despair after my therapy today.

I just don't want things to be so hard anymore... I know I need help... but this help seem so slow and painful.

I don't want to face my problems... because I know where those problems stem from and I want to stay as far away from that place as possible.

But I know I need to work them out and it'll help me feel better in the long run.

It's at moments like these that I hate my life... I've been fighting for every breath... struggling to just move forward, when will there be peace? When will I be able to put this all behind me and live my life?

I'm trying to keep atleast some hope but this is rough on me.

I just want things to get better... but I hate how painful that process is.
Diagnosed with Fibro - October 2008

Venlafaxine 70mg/Armitriptyline 40mg to help me sleep and anxiety

Ativan... when things get real bad.


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 1/22/2009 5:51 PM (GMT -7)   

Corrie,

Today was not one of my better days but I have picked myself up and made some phone calls and am taking the bull by the horns to get back on track.

Big Sis/Lyn is my dearest friend and like a sister to me, we talk daily and that helps so much.  I would really like to see you have a positive friend in your life.  I am sorry your girlfriend is having a hard time but please remember you must take care of you first or you will not be able to help others.

I am proud of you for being able to come here and open up to us.

If you can learn to stay present in the moment then you can rapidly and gracefully change your life for the better! Our personal power is accessed in the present. We are creating our futures right this very second through the thoughts and energy that we are sending out. What future are you creating for yourself if your thoughts are filled with anxiety, anger, and fear? What would your future look like if you could send out love, joy and prosperity?

Practice staying present today. Take deep breaths often. Really feel what you are doing. When you are driving in the car really focus on what you are doing, seeing and hearing. Approach your work with focus and clarity. When you are with a loved one really listen to what they are saying to you. "Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin.

Practice staying in the moment, when I do not the "stinkin thinkin" thoughts sneak in and I start worrying about yesterday and tomorrow.

Stay in the Moment my friend

Kitt


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
&  Moderator GERD  Forums

*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


Corrie_1
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 185
   Posted 1/22/2009 8:45 PM (GMT -7)   
Aww thanks kitt...

You made me cry... in a good not bad way :) What you said really touched me.

Thanks so much <3

-Corrie
Diagnosed with Fibro - October 2008

Venlafaxine 70mg/Armitriptyline 40mg to help me sleep and anxiety

Ativan... when things get real bad.

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