New Here... High Anxiety!

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Ndrew
New Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 1/20/2009 4:27 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello,

I'm a 26 year old male. I spend most my time awake at night. I am very heavy into gaming and computers and I find the best time to do that is at night. Sometimes I wish I was awake for more of the day. Maybe I'm missing out on something. Whatever the case is I only end up having to work in the afternoon. I have a son, but his mother and I are not together. I often only get to see him every other weekend. So here is my story.......

For the passed 2 months or so I have been experiencing very high amounts of worry about irrational things. This all started after what I believe to be a minor panic attack and more recently a very bad one. I have had this feeling in the passed and experience several other attacks over the passed almost 8 years. Each time i have an attack I feel really messed up for anywhere between 1-5 months. I have never actually felt like my old self since my first attack when I was about 18.

My first panic attack ... I was overcome with the worst feeling I had ever experienced. A feeling of sheer dread and felt like i was going crazy. My heart was racing but skipping beat and my stomach and chest had an empty hallow feeling to them. I felt like nothing was real and like something was terribly wrong. For days my anxiety was high and I felt alone and lost. My mind was always racing all the time. I would become so frustrated and annoyed with my worry that I would start to cry and be thrown into a downward spiral of depression. For the longest time after I couldn't find myself feeling in the mood for doing anything, including eat. ... After a few months i started to feel like myself ALMOST again. I foolishly tested my brain by trying something... Worst and dumbest idea EVER. It threw me into a terrible terrible panic attack that made me think I wasn't coming out of it. Again I felt all the feelings I had before. It was nearly identical only this time the anxiety only seemed to effect me for about a month.

This time I was done experimenting with foolish stuff. No more drugs or alcohol. The only think I would allow myself to do was smoke cigarettes. At some point it seemed like the nicotine was starting to trigger minor panic attacks. They could no long calm me, but instead eventually caused my anxiety to sky rocket. So I quite smoking cold turkey. Surprisingly it was quite easy. Than again I was so terrified that smoking would trigger another panic attack that I just straight up wouldn't do it. At some point i went to my doctor and he prescribed me to Zoloft and Atavan I believe. I never actually had to use the atavan but i took the zoloft for some time and it seemed to do the trick for the most part. However I didn't want to have to rely on meds to deal with this issue. The zoloft almost seemed to make me into a zombie or atleast not really care how bad things might really be. So I stopped taking it.

For the passed 4 years I have been battling the occasional anxiety spike for a few weeks here and there. sometimes even lasting a couple months. Most nights I would have to watch TV to fall asleep. The idea of sitting there trying to make myself go to sleep was scary cause often that is when my panic attacks would strike. This was because of all the silence around me and my mind not being occupied. It made way for me to lay there and think and worry about stupid things that either are not worth worrying about or are just plain ridiculous.

In about May of this year I finally was finally about to fall asleep without watching TV. I felt more at piece than i had for those passed 7 years or so. I still felt a little bit detached, but it was nothing that had even caused me to worry. Than fall came this year. I started to feel a little bit weird again. I began watching TV to fall asleep again. Than it hit me the a couple weeks ago. A terrible panic attack. This time I the surreal feeling was so very terrible that I thought for sure that this time I might lose control. After about 15min I wasn't panicing anymore but I had the feeling of derealization still lingering. I struggled to find someone to talk to that might understand the way I was feeling. I managed to get a hold of my best friends at 5am in the morning and he managed to help me feel a little bit better. I was much calmer but still feeling very very detached from reality.

I managed to get in contact with my mother who had also dealt with anxiety/panic attacks for years. For years she was told that she had GAD and was prescribed to a few different thing to help control it. Than recently her anxiety got REALLY bad and other weird physical things began to happen. She got some blood tests and was diagnosed with Grave's Disease. This caused her to developed hyperthyroidism. Grave's Disease is an autoimmune disease that causes your white blood cells to attack your thyroid. Instead of destroying it though, they stimulate it into becoming very over active. This cause a big hormone imbalance and large amount of adrenaline to be released causing the anxiety and panic. On top of high anxiety and panic it comes with weight loss, thickening of the skin and some eye problems. The fix i believe was to do radioactive iodine treatment on the thyroid or even have it removed, forcing you to have to take hormone drugs for the rest of your life.

So I started to wonder since I haven't been back to the doctors in a VERY long time. Perhaps I should get tested for this? Oddly enough I would feel better knowing that my thyroid was botched than thinking that I'm losing my mind. Either way I have some to the realization that I really would rather be on some sort of med. I need something to help me and I would rather not dismiss it this time.....

My thoughts today:

These attacks and anxiety I believe have turned me into a different person. Before my first one I was a very nice guys. I laughed a lot more and I nothing really ever bothered me. Now I believe I'm rather callous and angry. I think its all the frustration with this mental problem of mine. Some days nothing at work will bother me, other days I just can't wait to get home. I see people come through my work place that just make me lose hope in mankind so often. I get so very frustrated. Other times I feel like I'm being mean and feel so much remorse for the person I feel I have projected my anger towards. Currently I am still stuck in the in a loop. My mind is racing and worrying and I have that feeling that something isn't write. Sometimes I find myself feeling like things might not be real. I become afraid that I might start believing that and just lose control. I feel trapped and alone most of all. Like no one understands me or cares how things have been going for me. I wants so very badly to feel like I did before that first attack, but have so much doubt that I will ever be that happy again. This most recent cycle of anxiety is frustrating me to the point of a very deep depression that I feel like I might never escape. Is there any way to escape this cycle?

Sorry that I made this so long, I just really need a place to get this off my chest. I feel like I need to talk with people that know exactly how I feel for some sort of assurance. Any insight would be greatly appreciated. Thank you in advance.
 
(Post edited by moderator percycat)
 

Post Edited By Moderator (percycat) : 1/20/2009 6:47:37 AM (GMT-7)


gilly-love
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 204
   Posted 1/20/2009 5:12 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Ndrew, Welcome. I can relate to everything u have just explained about yourself ... What u are experiencing can be a very scary and confusing time in your life. I do feel for you. You have found the right place to come for support and answers...We share our personal experiences, the good and not so good, and learn from and lean on eachother.. I would like to talk to you further about the way you are feeling as I too have had a very similar experience. As many others on this site. Your not alone. I have also been diagonised with Graves disease...I do hope your mother can me medicated and stabalised quickly as it is a nasty disease. It can affect every part of your body, mind and moods. Please do go and seek professional help for yourself, especially to rule out any thyroid problems. You said the panic attacks came on after drug use?? Maybe mention that to the doc..I think that would be important info...There is a condition called drug induced psychosis....I have experienced it and it sounds similar...Please speak to a professional and keep posting to this site. You will meet many wise, happy, crazy, and solid friends. The really good advice will be along shortly...The Wise ones I like to call them!! haha! WELCOME! Keep your head up and keep in touch. gillxx

 

"Our greatest problems in life come not

so much from the situations we confront

as from our ability to handle them"

xx


percycat
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 1952
   Posted 1/20/2009 6:52 AM (GMT -7)   
Welcome, NDrew!

You've come to a good place for support and understanding, as many of our members will certainly respond.

I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling so off-balance. What has worked for me in dealing with the surges of anxiety is cognitive behavioral therapy (along with the very seldom as-needed meds). You may want to look into it - we have other threads here about what it is and how it works.

Also, I very briefly editted your post to fit the first of our Forum rules (you can view them by clicking on the link under "Forum Links" at the top right of this page). Not a problem, but we do have folks as young as 13 on here sometimes.

Welcome to you!

percycat

Percy/Percycat

Co-Moderator, Anxiety and Panic Forum


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 1/20/2009 7:13 AM (GMT -7)   
Welcome Ndrew!!

I'd like to extend a warm welcome to you on your first visit to Healing Well! To help you get the most out of the Anxiety and Panic Forum please take the time to browse our threads.

You will find the members warm and caring and it looks like you have met some of our fine members and mods already.

I look forward to getting to know you better.

Again a Warm Welcome.

Kitt


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
&  Moderator GERD  Forums

*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


Aries8
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 1015
   Posted 1/20/2009 11:28 AM (GMT -7)   
Welcome! You mentioned in your post that you didn't want to have to rely on medication. Well, some of us have to. I expect myself to be on Prozac for the rest of my life. Some people need blood pressure medicine, I need an anti-depressant. You might reconsider going on some sort of medication. If your life is not what you want it to be, then I would seek a professional's help and start medication. Also, begin a journal, CBT, relaxation techniques, and change your diet. There are many things you can do to help yourself.

I wish you the best of luck. I know exactly what you're feeling and it's scary and depressing. But things will get better. Please begin to tell yourself positive things and let the negativity go.
Anxiety Disorder/Mitral Valve Prolapse
 
Prozac and Carvedilol


Corrie_1
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 185
   Posted 1/20/2009 1:34 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm 20, and was just recently diagnosed with an anxiety disorder.

I never took any meds until recently...

I was really cautious about starting medication, but since I've started, I realize how much they actually help with day to day stuff. I've tried many different drugs before I found one that worked for me... and now that I found one, things are getting somewhat better.

The way I look at it is if something can increase my quality of life.. make each day just that little bit better, then it's worth it. I don't just take meds for my anxiety though, I also practice relaxation, deep breathing and other techniques to help me through the day.

Your sleep problems might be contributing to your anxiety, I've found that if I'm not sleeping properly that my anxiety increases. I have a friend who is also heavily into gaming and sleeps most of the day, it's a struggle for him to get his internal clock right... since he's so use to switching his days into nights - something I've done to myself during a period of insomnia... and its hard to fix, hard to deal with, and it can rob you from so many things, relationships, motivation and sense of accomplishment.

I know it can be scary to make serious life changes... since the unknown is not something people are usually comfortable with. But it might be worth evaluating what things in your life that you can change or add that might improve things.

Take care!
Diagnosed with Fibro - October 2008

Venlafaxine 70mg/Armitriptyline 40mg to help me sleep and anxiety

Ativan... when things get real bad.


paniccu
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 1009
   Posted 1/20/2009 2:40 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello and welcome. If I were you I would get tested for thyroid problems ASAP. It's a simple blood test. Years ago, one of my coworkers had a hyperthyroid and he was very anxious, nasty and lost a ton of weight. His doc first told him he was depressed and put him on an antidepressent. Later he found out it was his thyroid. It's always good to rule out a physical problem first. If you do have anxiety/panic disorder, it doesn't mean you are losing your mind. You just have to find out ways to control it, be it medication, counseling, relaxation exercises, or a combo of them.

anxiety-buster
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 1/20/2009 4:25 PM (GMT -7)   
Ndrew: You said "I'm a 26 year old male. I spend most my time awake at night. I am very heavy into gaming and computers and I find the best time to do that is at night. Sometimes I wish I was awake for more of the day. Maybe I'm missing out on something. Whatever the case is I only end up having to work in the afternoon. I have a son, but his mother and I are not together. I often only get to see him every other weekend. So here is my story......."
By being heavy into computers, you are denying your nervous system the opportunity to release anxiety thru exercise. Have you tried weightlifting, running or even.. .  yoga? Not seeing your son often could well be a trigger for anxiety..can you change that at all?
My first panic attack ... I was overcome with the worst feeling I had ever experienced. A feeling of sheer dread and felt like i was going crazy. My heart was racing but skipping beat and my stomach and chest had an empty hallow feeling to them. I felt like nothing was real and like something was terribly wrong. For days my anxiety was high and I felt alone and lost. My mind was always racing all the time. I would become so frustrated and annoyed with my worry that I would start to cry and be thrown into a downward spiral of depression. For the longest time after I couldn't find myself feeling in the mood for doing anything, including eat. ... After a few months i started to feel like myself ALMOST again. I foolishly tested my brain by trying something... Worst and dumbest idea EVER. It threw me into a terrible terrible panic attack that made me think I wasn't coming out of it. Again I felt all the feelings I had before. It was nearly identical only this time the anxiety only seemed to effect me for about a
Now speaking for myself and likely many others on this forum your signs and symptoms sound all too familar. I hear you beating yourself up mercilessly. That doesn't help but its all too common for many of us on this forum. Just an intuitive guess but you may want to check into cognitive therapy that challenges the irrational destructive thoughts. Great book published in 1980 called "Feeling Good'By Dr. David Burns gives a 1-2-3 how to fight back against anxiety. Neurofeedback may also work great for you especially since you enjoy gaming. Google it.  
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