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BD_spouse
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 175
   Posted 1/20/2009 11:14 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi.  Normally I post in bi-polar due to my husbands concurrent disorders but I have a question.  Right now he is in a treatment facility having had a relapse only last weekend.  He has very high social anxiety and he's in a facility with 60 other men.  He called me tonight and said his anxiety is going through the roof and he's thinking of leaving to find a smaller facility. 
 
He can't leave.
 
I just can't stress that enough.  This last relapse he had - well, to be blunt he could have been killed.  He was with people he didn't even know and blacked out and woke up in a field that he had to walk forever just to find a road to follow... how he got into that field - who knows.  We can only surmize. 
 
Anyways - that's just a little background - but my question to you who suffer from anxiety is this:
 
What can I say to him to make him realize he needs to stay?  What kind of medication can he go on to help him deal with this.  Please, help me to understand what anxiety is.  I know that I have anxiety but only when i'm really stressed out and haven't had a chance to vent my frustrations in a long time, weeks maybe months.  Then I start to not sleep properly, have weird dreams, etc... heck, I don't even know if that IS anxiety!!!
 
I want to understand what he's going through so I can fight for a way to help him.  Are there any coping skills he can practise?  Is there anything I can say to trigger him in a positive way to stay?  To remind him of why he's there in the first place???????
 
confused  
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do."
--
MARK TWAIN


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 1/21/2009 8:13 AM (GMT -7)   

Good Morning,

This is Kitt. If your husband is in treatment he should already be plugged into programs that will help him learn how to cope with his Bipolar.

As for yourself, may I suggest that you get a good physical at your clinic and discuss how you are feeling with your PCP.  You also may benefit from therapy.

We have tons of info on the site here re dealing with anxiety and also great resource materials if you look to the right you will see the links.

Anxiety versus Panic

The terms anxiety attack and panic attack are often used interchangeably to mean the same thing. In this sense, the difference is purely a matter of semantics. But from a clinical perspective, panic and anxiety are defined by different features.

The differences between panic and anxiety are best described in terms of the intensity of the symptoms and length of time the predominant symptoms occur.

Panic Attack

During a panic attack, the symptoms are sudden and extremely intense. These symptoms usually occur “out of the blue,” peak within 10 minutes and then subside. However, some attacks may last longer or may occur in succession, making it difficult to determine when one attack ends and another begins.

Anxiety

Anxiety, on the other hand, generally intensifies over a period of time and is highly correlated to excessive worry. The symptoms of anxiety are very similar to the symptoms of panic attacks and may include:

Another important distinction is that, unlike a panic attack, the symptoms of anxiety may be persistent and very long lasting -- days, weeks or even months.

Ope this helps you in some small way.
Hugs to you
Kitt
 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
&  Moderator GERD  Forums

*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


Aries8
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 1015
   Posted 1/21/2009 10:24 AM (GMT -7)   
I think Kitt covered everything. I just wanted to lend you my support and wish you peace. I know it can be scary and you're not sure what to do about your husband. The biggest thing you can do is stand by him and be there for him. Try not to get frustrated. He's going through a lot as I'm sure you are, too. Give us an update to let us know how you're both doing!
Anxiety Disorder/Mitral Valve Prolapse
 
Prozac and Carvedilol


BD_spouse
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 175
   Posted 1/21/2009 12:49 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you Kitt and Aries.

My head is spinning so crazy right now I honestly have this underlying feeling like I want to throw up. I can't seem to turn my thoughts off. The words "what if" followed by a jumble of other words is shooting back and forth in my mind like lightening bolts. Sounds dramatic, I know - but it's the truth. I just can't seem to turn my thoughts off and not stress out.
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do."
--
MARK TWAIN


Green Grove
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2424
   Posted 1/21/2009 1:30 PM (GMT -7)   
My, you are going through a lot BD_spouse. I don't know what to add after the great info you received, but I just wanted to say I wish both you and your husband the best of luck and I pray you all can overcome the issues together as an effective couple.

Good luck and please keep us posted!
Much Love, Hugs, Peace & Comfort . . . Your Bro . . . Sam :)
 ~Co-Moderator Anxiety & Panic Forum~
"Fall Seven Times. . . . . . . . . .  Stand Up Eight."
~Japanese Proverb~
Not a professional.  Seek your physician's advice before making changes to your meds or lifestyle.
 


percycat
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 1952
   Posted 1/21/2009 1:54 PM (GMT -7)   
BD_Spouse,

I'm so glad your husband is in treatment. That does sound like a terribly frightening episode that he experienced.

When my anxiety is at its worst, it truly is fight-or-flight tension. I get *so* agitated that I just have to escape, run, can't take any more, beg please to make it stop, etc. It feels like you're completely out of control and helpless at the same time, and like you're never going to be able to feel differently. Imagine that heart-pounding fear you get when you've just seen a small child walk into the middle of a busy street, and now imagine that you can't make that fear stop, at all, 24-7.

That may be how your husband is feeling when he says he needs to leave. You are right to fight for him to stay, as he's in the best place to care for him right now.

Blessings to you,
percycat

Percy/Percycat

Co-Moderator, Anxiety and Panic Forum


Tirzah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2281
   Posted 1/21/2009 2:49 PM (GMT -7)   
BDS-
I think Kitt gave you some good advice about getting some help for yourself.
Try to trust those caring for your husband to provide the treatment he needs. They have programming to work on skill building & docs who can write him for anti-anxiety meds if he truly needs them. Being in a treatment facility is never a pleasant experience, but sometimes it's what's needed in order for someone to get well.

One suggestion I might have is to check with the counselors at the facility to see how you can support him. Sometimes they suggest leaving the patient alone for a while so that they learn to identify & face their issues, and to ask for professional help when they really need it. It can be difficult for some people to rely on help from the staff when they feel they can get "all the help they need" from family/loved ones. Other times, the counseling staff may feel a patient could benefit from more contact with family & friends. Either way, try to find out what his treatment plan is so you know how to best support it.

Also, someone here once suggested (sorry, I can't remember who) turning all the negative "what if's" into positive ones. For example, instead of "what if he checks out of the treatment facility & goes back to his old ways" you can practice saying "what if he stays in treatment & comes back a changed man". Just a suggestion. I know it helps me.

GB,
frances

Aries8
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 1015
   Posted 1/21/2009 6:00 PM (GMT -7)   
Your husband needs to get on meds and stick with them. It sounds as though he will need medicine forever. So be it, if his life will be happy and healthy. I had a 2 weeks stay in a psych ward. Not a pleasant place but it ended up being the best thing for me. He may learn a great deal there and get some badly needed help. Good luck!
Anxiety Disorder/Mitral Valve Prolapse
 
Prozac and Carvedilol


BD_spouse
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 175
   Posted 1/23/2009 9:31 PM (GMT 0)   
Thank you for your advice and especially describing what his anxiety might be feeling to him (child in street analogy)
I've decided to write him a letter and read it to him the next time he calls. It basically explains how much I love him but that I can't take care of him the way he needs to be taken care of and that if he chooses to leave then he'll have to make his own arrangements, but as soon as he's done his treatment we will welcome him home with open arms. I think Al-Anon calls it detaching with love. I just can't do it by myself anymore and he needs to know that. I will keep you posted as he did call me last night to tell me he wanted to come home but when i told him i wouldn't come he got mad and told me not to come to see him this weekend. That hurt.
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do."
--
MARK TWAIN


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 1/23/2009 4:38 PM (GMT -7)   

(((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))  Remember it is the disease that is talking right now.  Most people are fearful of being in treatment however they will facilate between what they want.  Don't let him make you feel guilty for not coming.

The best thing for him is the treatment program.  You are supporting him by coming here and wanting to know how to help.  We will get you through so keep talking to us.

Hugs

Kitt


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
&  Moderator GERD  Forums

*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


Green Grove
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2424
   Posted 1/23/2009 4:47 PM (GMT -7)   
Awwww. . . I agree with Kitt on this. Don't let him make you feel guilty. It seems to me by reading your story that you are a wonderful and loving woman that just wants the best for her husband, and I think you are handling things the right way. Let him do his treatment and he will learn that all was done with nothing but the best of intentions for his health :)

Take care and please do keep posting :)
Much Love, Hugs, Peace & Comfort . . . Your Bro . . . Sam :)
 ~Co-Moderator Anxiety & Panic Forum~
"Defeat may serve as well as victory to shake the soul and let the glory out."
~Edwin Markham~
Not a professional.  Seek your physician's advice before making changes to your meds or lifestyle.
 


Tirzah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 2281
   Posted 1/23/2009 5:08 PM (GMT -7)   
I echo both Kitt & Sam.
He is going through w/d right now, plus nobody ever likes being locked-in. Even those without anxiety disorders get very stir crazy. It sounds like you came up with a good plan so just stick to it & know we are here to support you whenever needed. :)

percycat
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 1952
   Posted 1/24/2009 7:31 AM (GMT -7)   
BD_spouse,

I'm praying for you to have courage, patience, and strength to deal with your fears for him and his lashing out from his condition. It is true that this is his anxiety speaking - screaming in outrage for the things that he feels are comforting (you, home). Unfortunately, those comforts aren't what best for him right now.

Hang in there. When this is over, you will be glad you did.

Hugs,
percycat

Percy/Percycat

Co-Moderator, Anxiety and Panic Forum


BD_spouse
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 175
   Posted 1/24/2009 8:22 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you everyone for your kind support.

My husband called last night and sounded like a completely different person (again). It seems like he's testing me by calling one night sounding stressed out and then calling the next night and sounding normal.
I haven't read him my letter, but I am fully prepared to when the time comes. He even asked me if I was still coming today. I was suprised and reminded him that he told me not to come but the doctor he saw put him on an anti-anxiety medication and i don't know if it's possible for it to work so fast but if it makes him feel better then heck ya, i'll go see him!

I called there and one of his "buddies" answered the phone. I asked him how my husband was doing and he said "really well". I asked him if my husband ever talked to him about leaving and he said No. So I told him that he frequently tells me he wants to leave and his buddy said not to worry, he'll do his best to ease his mind so he stays. I thanked him for his help. I guess him and this guy play cards a lot to pass the time!

I will keep you posted.
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do."
--
MARK TWAIN


Nanners
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 1/24/2009 10:29 AM (GMT -7)   
BD_spouse I am so sorry for all that you are going thru. I think your husband was probably put on one of the fast acting benzo meds like Xanax or Valium. Those are what I use when my anxiety hits. I think you are also feeling some anticipatory anxiety yourself. When you talked about feeling nauseous and all those what if questions in your mind, sounds just like me. I get very gastric type of symptoms when my anxiety hits, i.e. nausea, diarrhea, rapid heart beat etc. Maybe you might want to meet with a counselor just for you. You have to be sure to care for yourself too. Will definetly keep you and your husband in my prayers. Come here and vent anytime you need, we are always here for you.

Hugs,
Gail *Nanners*
Gail*Nanners* Co-Moderator for Anxiety/Panic Forum
Been living with Crohn's Disease for 33 years. Currently on Asacol, Prilosec, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain, Zofran, Phenergan, Probiotics, and Calcium and Xanax as needed. Resections in 2002 and 2005. Also diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and Osteoarthritis and Anxiety. Currently my Crohns is in remission.
*Every tomorrow has two handles.  We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle of faith"*

BD_spouse
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 175
   Posted 1/25/2009 8:47 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank You!
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do."
--
MARK TWAIN

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