Hey, Ben, I'm sorry that you're struggling so much right now. Don't fret about
not being "upbeat" in your posts - this is a place for both giving and receiving support - honest! - and if you need to be receiving right now, that's perfectly okay. (Besides, when somebody else offers you support, that's doing a bit of good for them - so try not to feel guilty, okay?)
The health concerns about
your dad are sure to be a trigger, my friend, and for now I think all you can do is just take one step after the other, seeing what each day brings. I suspect you're worried that you shouldn't "take" so much support from your mom and dad if he's getting ill, but even an illness like Parkinson's won't make him *want* to support you less. What I'm trying to say is that he wants to be there for you, and that won't change. The only thing that could change is that you might feel differently about
accepting his support, because you want him to be able to keep his strength for himself.
I'm glad you're getting to enjoy the skiing and take your mind off the rough spots for a while. The apres-ski crowd is a tough one for sobriety - maybe others here will have some good advice for you shortly.
I think the moodgym and CBT will help you feel more proactive again, and less helpless and defeated. Anxiety may have you down, but every little step - even posting here (vent away!) - is a way that you are fighting against it. Each day, you get stronger and understand your own abilities against it better.
Hang in there, my friend!
Co-Moderator, Anxiety and Panic Forum