Valentines Day

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Mazfire
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1683
   Posted 2/13/2009 8:29 PM (GMT -7)   
It hurts me. It reminds me how single and alone i am. i have more friends than i can count, but ever since i gained weight so rapidly, ive had no male interest. i feel ugly and fat and awful. I try to not let it get to me, but days like this are a harsh reminder that my life hasnt gone as planned.
 
I used to love valentines day, because when i was younger (and thinner) i was always in a long term relationship and would enjoy the day. I for sure thought id be married with kids by now- and then the surgeon tells me i cant have children. so i grieved for that and moved on, hoping to find a decent guy. all my exes have been great at the start and abusive in the end. i have poor judgement, but i have resolved to never again compromise my beliefs or who i am, in order to get a guy.
 
I think its sad that just because i got overweight, im not worthy of real love? im always the 'life of the party' the extrovert, the confident girl, but on the inside im breaking. I feel my opportunities for lasting happiness- in marriage, are fading fast. i will be 29 in may, 30 next year, and what do i have to show for it?  i have amazing male friends and im popular (please dont think me arrogant) but as much as i have great male friends, i feel they all view me as 'big cuddly Maz'- a great mate, not a girl who wants to settle down.
 
My physical illness is a burden in relationships- strangely AP has not ever been an issue. but my poor physical health has put a huge strain on relationships. its unfair and it hurts. i just want a decent, God fearing man to share my life with..
 
is that too much to ask? it seems so cry
 
Maz XX
 
p.s i wish the rest of you a great valentines day and hope you are spoiled rotten by your partners- you all deserve it! XX
            'He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.' (Psalm 147:3)                  
 
Panic Disorder, Agoraphobia, CFS, Fibromyalgia, Chronic Sinusitis, TMJ disorder, Endometriosis, PCOS, Chronic E.N.T and Upper respiratory tract infections, Reactive Arthritis, GERD,  IBS, Glandular fever, Migraines, Anemia, Chemical/Noise/Light sensitivity, Trichotilomania, PTSD, Seasonal Mood  Disorder, OCD, Benign Vertigo,  Impaired immune system. Tachycardia, tinnitus, low clotting factor= bruising. Tendonitis, Bursitis.
Meds: Zoloft 150mg. Xanax 4mg. Celebrex. Mobic. Panadeine Forte. Digesic. Nexium. Phenergan.
Multiple surgeries- I bear the scars of my poor physical health.
Age:28. AP first DX @ 10. Fibro etc DX @14. Proud Aussie.
 
 


Twistedmentality
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 164
   Posted 2/13/2009 11:05 PM (GMT -7)   
for what its worth, the pics ive seen of ya in the family ablum i think your pretty hot.(if that doesn't sound weird saying you think someone is hot in your family album).

Mazfire
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1683
   Posted 2/13/2009 11:42 PM (GMT -7)   
Twistedmentality said...
for what its worth, the pics ive seen of ya in the family ablum i think your pretty hot.(if that doesn't sound weird saying you think someone is hot in your family album).
hahahaha ROFLMBO, i take it as a compliment!!
 
Maz XX
            'He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.' (Psalm 147:3)                  
 
Panic Disorder, Agoraphobia, CFS, Fibromyalgia, Chronic Sinusitis, TMJ disorder, Endometriosis, PCOS, Chronic E.N.T and Upper respiratory tract infections, Reactive Arthritis, GERD,  IBS, Glandular fever, Migraines, Anemia, Chemical/Noise/Light sensitivity, Trichotilomania, PTSD, Seasonal Mood  Disorder, OCD, Benign Vertigo,  Impaired immune system. Tachycardia, tinnitus, low clotting factor= bruising. Tendonitis, Bursitis.
Meds: Zoloft 150mg. Xanax 4mg. Celebrex. Mobic. Panadeine Forte. Digesic. Nexium. Phenergan.
Multiple surgeries- I bear the scars of my poor physical health.
Age:28. AP first DX @ 10. Fibro etc DX @14. Proud Aussie.
 
 


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40565
   Posted 2/14/2009 5:16 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Maz,
 
I think you are pretty hot too.  Very photogenic.  I am not.  I go through the same thing as you do.  I have put on a few (lol, more like a lot) extra pounds myself and I feel very self conscious about it.  And very fat.  But everybody says that for my height, I can carry it.  I am 5'8" tall and seem to be able to carry some of the weight without looking so heavy.  I do have a lot of muscle mass from fibromyalgia and that helps in a way too.  But I feel fat inside.  So it is a struggle.  The only thing is when I gained the weight my boobs did too.  I use to be quite small, not any more.  I don't know if that is good or bad, but it is what it is.  But I can't fit into my sweaters anymore.
 
Remember that you are beautiful inside and out.  Maybe none of these guys realize that you are looking for a steady relationship.  They probably would all jump at a chance to have a relationship with you.  Think about it.
 
I hope that you have a wonderful day.
 
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 2/14/2009 9:04 AM (GMT -7)   

Valentine's Day is a day for love, not just between men and women but among friends and family and I know how much pain you feel when you think about your illness and your weight gain.  I have fought the weight battle for all my life.  I weighed 20 lbs when I was born.......... LOL.

Maz you are beautiful and don't you ever forget it.......now remember Valentine's Day is about loving everyone, put a smile on someones face...............

You are so good at that my dear friend.

Luvs ya bunches of roses.

Kitt


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
&  Moderator GERD  Forums

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Celey
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 1284
   Posted 2/14/2009 11:52 AM (GMT -7)   
I thought Valentine's Day was for the candy... :|... Ah well...

LOVE AND PUPPIES, EVERYONE! :)
I think I am being picked on by life, sometimes. But's that okay. Life and I are good buddies... I know life doesn't mean no harm. It just is the way it is. I can accept that.


alwaysanxious
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2006
Total Posts : 75
   Posted 2/14/2009 12:11 PM (GMT -7)   
maz ,after reading your post I looked at your pictures,you are a beautiful young lady, the right man will find YOU someday ,dont give up ,you are still very young.

Green Grove
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2424
   Posted 2/14/2009 1:16 PM (GMT -7)   

Maz my Little Aussie Sis :)

I know how you feel, cause I go through similar emotions at times. . . I also think you are just a gorgeous person inside and out my friend :)  I know that special someone will come along one of these days.  It takes time and I know many people that never found their true love until much later in life.  I feel that it is well worth the wait, because like you said, there are many out there and it is hard to find the right fit without compromising your beliefs and who you are inside. . . I think you are "spot on" by waiting so you can stay true to yourself :)

And like the others said without it sounding weird. . . You Are Hot!!!  Be proud and hold your head up high Sister!

Lots of love to you,

Your Bro Sam :)


ocean1
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2006
Total Posts : 707
   Posted 2/14/2009 1:59 PM (GMT -7)   
Maz, my first thought when I read your post was you are still sooooo young.  29.  Your life is just beginning.  You are beautiful on the inside and out.  Don't give up hope of finding Mr. Right.  I'm single and also used to hate this particular day but then realized I can celebrate my love for my family and friends (sending out cards to all my family members with little notes in each one).  Yeh, it would be great to have a significant other on this day.  I can't say it doesn't cross my mind about a gazillion times on this day but I've also learned to love who I am and it is okay to be single.  I want a good man too.  I pray to God each night that Mr. Right and I will cross paths.  If it is meant to be, it will be.  Love who you are and know in your heart what a beautiful person you are.

Diane
LET US BE GRATEFUL TO PEOPLE WHO MAKE US HAPPY. 
THEY ARE THE CHARMING GARDENERS WHO MAKE OUR SOULS BLOSSOM.

Anxiety 2007; IBS 2004; Chronic Hives 2002.  Medications:  Allegra, Zantac, Xanax, Darvocet.


Mazfire
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1683
   Posted 2/14/2009 2:42 PM (GMT -7)   
thankyou ALL so much. i realise that at 28 (29 in may) it may sound ludicrous that i feel my ship has sailed... just thought id be married with a baby by now.. i have to trust that God will find someone for me who is patient and will love me flaws and all..
 
Karen, im 6ft tall, so that helps with spreading the weight out, i put on 30kgs in the 3 months after my gall bladder removal. totally destroyed my self esteem.. Fibro makes it very hard to exercise properly, as you would understand.
 
Again, thankyou all for reminding me that valentines day is also about friendship, and you guys are the best friends. im blessed.
 
Maz XX
 
p.s you wont believe this, i have my TV on and it was just advertising a bridal expo... stupid irony rolleyes
            'He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.' (Psalm 147:3)                  
 
Panic Disorder, Agoraphobia, CFS, Fibromyalgia, Chronic Sinusitis, TMJ disorder, Endometriosis, PCOS, Chronic E.N.T and Upper respiratory tract infections, Reactive Arthritis, GERD,  IBS, Glandular fever, Migraines, Anemia, Chemical/Noise/Light sensitivity, Trichotilomania, PTSD, Seasonal Mood  Disorder, OCD, Benign Vertigo,  Impaired immune system. Tachycardia, tinnitus, low clotting factor= bruising. Tendonitis, Bursitis.
Meds: Zoloft 150mg. Xanax 4mg. Celebrex. Mobic. Panadeine Forte. Digesic. Nexium. Phenergan.
Multiple surgeries- I bear the scars of my poor physical health.
Age:28. AP first DX @ 10. Fibro etc DX @14. Proud Aussie.
 
 


getting by
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 40565
   Posted 2/14/2009 5:38 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Maz,
 
I remember when I was in my very early thirties.  I had a whole lot of stress and was dealing with type 2 diabetes.  I dropped down to lesss than 100 pounds.  I was so sick. 
 
I guess that what I am saying is that I would rather be a little over weight and look healthy than to be skinny like I was.  I don't know why I am saying this.  I just think it is better when we look healthy. 
 
You look great.  Remember that.  I wish I was your age again.  And looked as good as you do.
 
I do know what you mean about exercising and fibro.  You have to go really slow.  I have been wanting to get out and walk, but the weather has slowed me down.  Therefore I will have to start out really slow again.  And again...
 
Hugs, Karen


  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
 
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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