Hey guys, I've been suffering with panic/anxiety for over 6 years.
Last year, in my opinion, was one of my best years. I've been so good that I haven't been in this forum or any other for a while (selfish, I know, I still should come help).
Exactly 1 year ago I dumped my perfect BF of 2,5 years that was my best friend, safety, and first love. I was SO scared of breaking up with him because I thought it would spiral my anxiety, but I was NOT in love, 21, and wanting to experience other things. For the first 6 months of the break-up I was GREAT. I even considered myself anxiety free because I got over such seperation with grace and confidence.
However, when I found my ex was dating someone else I started to freak out because I realized I was really losing him. I started contacting him, trying to get him back, and in this whole drama I figure out I loved him SO much and just wanted him back.
He broke up with his GF, we were together for a few months and he ended up breaking things with me again and going back to the girl. I've been devastated and heartbroken ever since.
This has brought my anxiety back FULL MODE. I am depressed and SO anxious. I get anxiety attacks at night and am SO scared of losing my mind or dying. Today for example, I got back from a club at 5am, then at 6am, my roomate came back with 2 friends and I woke up SO scared. I had such a "what the heck is this/strange/disconnected feeling" and was certain I was going to lose my mind because everything seemed so unreal.
My big question is, what is causing this stress?? I'ts been like this for 1 month. Am I feeling SO heartbroken and devastated about my ex because I'm so vulnerable and insecure with the anxiety/panic??? Or am I feeling so anxious/panicy lately because I've realized I've lost the love of my life??
I feel SO guilty for breaking up with him and for NOT feeling this anxious and horrible 6 months earlier when he wanted to be with me.
Gosh, can someone help me?? Will I go crazy?? I feel like I am about to!! I need my ex, and right now, I can't push anything on him or I might lose him forever.
I would love to know what comes first - my anxiety which makes me so heartbroken about my ex, or the heartbreak that brings my anxiety.
I just took a alprazolan 0,25 mg and I feel like I'm a bit more "conneted to reality again" and will be able to fall back at sleep, thanks god.
I would love insight on how to deal with heartbreak.
I feel like the more I get this anxious the last chance I will have on winning him back. And most importantly of all, I do NOT want to guilt trip him about my anxiety.
DO US, ANXIETY SUFFERERS, DEAL WITH HEARTBREAK 10X TOUGHER THAN EVERYONE ELSE?? Why am I feeling this now, 1 year after the breakup, and felt SO good and anxious free until 6 months ...
I had hyperthyroidism and had to undergo some treatment all this year, I wonder if this could be it.
I'm just so sad because after surviving my breakup I felt like I had been cured, like if I could do that and seperate from my biggest safety I was done with anxiety. Now it's coming back stronger than ever.
I can't afford this now because I want to work things out with my ex and this anxiety will ruin things, I need to concentrate on school, work specially and applying to business schools which is my dream and I really CAN'T concentrate on ANY of these things because of my heartbreak, blaming myself over breaking up and not wanting him back when he wanted me back for the first 6 months. I feel SO guilty.
rant over. At least the anxiety attack subsided. Hopefully I will get back to sleep now.