Anxiety/Depressed during the nights! Why do I feel SO helpless during the nightime?

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BrazilGirl
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2004
Total Posts : 101
   Posted 2/17/2009 7:54 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey guys, I'm having such a hard time dealing with nights. I get anxious, scared, depressed. It's been going on for a while, but worse now that I lost my ex boyfriend for good. I feel heartbroken, lonely, anxious.
Something inside me tell me it's not only about this breakup, but it's internal, it's about my internal conflicts and anxiety.
 
The nights are so horrible for me. I feel helpless.
 
I've been diagnosed with anxiety/panic and take meds, but during the day my hope and love for life is back... however, every night I feel like I'm never going to be fully happy or anxious free.
 
This break-up is not helping me either. For 3,5 years there was a person I shared everything with, now I can't even call him if I feel lonely. It was my choice. I wasn't in love. Last year, when I was strong, confident and anxiety free I broke up and was happy to be single. However, now that I lost him and my anxiety is bad I miss him SO much and my anxiety makes me believe it's about him and losing him but I know deep inside that this is about me dealing with my own anxious self.
 
How can I deal with this? Everyday is a new and bright day, every night is just horrible!!
 
 

AuroraRavencrow
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 119
   Posted 2/17/2009 8:11 PM (GMT -7)   
I understand your feelings with the daytime/nighttime issues. It's like in the day light, I am ready to go and face the world but at night it's like I fall into a deep, dark place and it feels like I'm never going to come back again to the light. It's a horrible feeling and again, I do understand. What I try to do is read something positive or something look up stuff online that makes me happy. I know it doesn't always help but then again, that's how I found this forum. So, therefore, some positive things do come from depression. Just try not to let yourself slip into the darkness and stay there. Sometimes, when I'm feeling so low that I think that I won't be able to come back, I invite my sister or a friend over for a sleep over. I'm 30 years old and still have sleepovers....funny huh? Sometimes I need that extra person there to talk to or just to have nearby. Keep your head up high and try a little positive self talk. You will get through this and we are all here for you. One day at a time. I will keep you in my thoughts.

BrazilGirl
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2004
Total Posts : 101
   Posted 2/17/2009 8:33 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you SO much for your kind reply! It's SO strange because everyone that knows me, even my roomate, would never imagine I feel so alone because I have such an active life and am so energetic and upbeat. I also don't like to burden people, specially my parents/family with my problems.
I've been sharing more with my friends and people outside because of this break-up/stress with my ex-bf but it's been such a tough time for me. And it feels like us, anxiety sufferers, suffer 10x more than a normal person would with a break-up. I keep thinking about how I will cope with death or any other big life altering events because I've definetly become bad at dealing with them.
I broke up with my ex last year and I felt SO anxious free and cured for the first time in my life because it was like, gosh, I went through a break-up, a huge seperation and I'm fine. I'm happy.
However, after about 6 months when he finally moved on (he'd been broken and still very into me for months while I was happy) my world just crashed. It's been months of getting him back, slowly, he was coming back. He broke up with the girl he was seeing for me, even after I left him, but in the end, he left me. It's like 1 year later, I feel all the pain and emptiness I was scared about.

Sleepovers and going out with friends is the best for me during the night, however, I would like to have a more positive night time during my routine, my day to day. I normally feel disconnected and ready to have a panic attack. And hopeless and sad.

Thankfully, I wake up, get dressed, and it's a new day!

I just hate that I can't call my ex anymore and he's out of my life for good! =[ I wish I hadn't taken him for granted!

mom2three
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 97
   Posted 2/18/2009 6:28 AM (GMT -7)   
The nighttime is terrible for me too - like as soon as the sun sets, the anxeity/depression starts. It's definitely connected to the daytime/sunlight - sunsets make me sad, literally (has bizarre connection to fear of death, ending, etc. I'm sure, but that's too deep right now!). I try to stay busy - exercise, make dinner, read, watch tv - anything to keep me moving & active until I crash into bed.

I'm so sorry to hear about your break-up - that's a long time to be with someone...and even though it was your decision, it doesn't change how hard it is not to be able to call on that person for support or connection.

I'm similar in that I never want to "bother" friends or family with issues - they likewise see me as super happy go lucky, in control and so forth. But I have found that opening up to them is WAY better, so I have forced myself to be more honest with them and share more of what is going on with me.

One of my closest girlfriends had a horrible breakup a few years ago...she just couldn't get over it and after several months, she was ready to move on. She ended up joining a 12 week group therapy session for "life issues" at a local behavioral health clinic and she loved it. By the end, she felt confident, happy and at peace with her decision. Maybe that might be something to try?

Hang in there! You sound like a normally super positive person, if it weren't for those darn evenings! I'm there with you.
Panic Attacks (since age 10) & General Anxiety with a little OCD thrown in there
Biggest Challenge - Panic; Biggest Joy - my 3 cute kiddos (ages 1, 2 & 5)
 


BrazilGirl
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2004
Total Posts : 101
   Posted 2/18/2009 6:39 AM (GMT -7)   
mom2three - Wow, your little description: "Panic Attacks (since age 10) & General Anxiety with a little OCD thrown in there" sounds very much like me.

I'm 21 and although I'm pretty in control of proper panic attacks and my therapist believe I only had a few properly full blown one, I suffer with general anxiety and anxiety attacks. What gets me a lot as well, like now with the constant ex debacle, are the obssessive thoughts. I don't have the compulsions at all, but the obssessive thoughts hunt me.

I guess what is making me happy now is that I'm anxious and depressed over a proper real issue (the bf) and not crazy anxious thoughts (going crazy, dying, and all the freaky/scary symptoms we create for ourselves).

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 2/18/2009 6:44 AM (GMT -7)   

BrazilGirl,

I am sorry your night times are bad.  I am just the opposite, my anxiety is bad in the mornings. As the day gets longer I feel better as I know that it will soon be bedtime and I can go to sleep and not feel anxious.

I am glad to see you have some great replies from members that experience the same issues as you do.

Please stick with us and we will do the best we can to support you and help you through this rough time.

Gentle Hugs

Kitt

 


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
&  Moderator GERD  Forums

*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


mom2three
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 97
   Posted 2/18/2009 6:57 AM (GMT -7)   
The obsessive thoughts are the WORST. I will get the same image or thought in my mind and it runs circles nonstop out of control (everything from something horrific happening to my daughter to my neighbor not liking the flowers I planted!). I currently take a low dose of an SSRI to help me combat the obsessive ruminations. I just can't stop them myself. My new therapist has some alternative techniques that we are going to work on like "thought stop/thought replace" and all that jazz, so we'll see if it works.

Yes, I guess there is a positive to obsessing about a boy rather than the usual death and going crazy (those two are definitely on my list!) :)
Panic Attacks (since age 10) & General Anxiety with a little OCD thrown in there
Biggest Challenge - Panic; Biggest Joy - my 3 cute kiddos (ages 1, 2 & 5)
 


Jen77
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 2691
   Posted 2/18/2009 12:16 PM (GMT -7)   
Nights have always been the worst for me too. Things are quiet, and I'm left to my thoughts. Everything seems worse at night, and better in the morning. Things are much better now for me with treatment, but I still have nights where I catch myself worrying about things that seem to go away in the morning!
~Jennifer
 
Diagnosed with Crohn's Disease 2/06, and Health Anxiety/OCD 12/08 Taking Asacol, Questran, Toprol XL, and Lexapro.


BrazilGirl
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2004
Total Posts : 101
   Posted 2/18/2009 2:57 PM (GMT -7)   
Exactly! It's SO crazy. At night I feel on the verge of a breakdown and in the morning, well after I've gotten myself out of bed and am well into my day I'm always like, huh, why was I worrying so much at night?? It's a childhood thing, obviously. Since a little girl I've NEVER slept alone. I've always been scared of it. And my parents fighting in the middle of the night used to make me SO scared. Now they are seperated, happy, get along very well and I'm stuck with the echoes of their horrible relationship!! I love them SO much, but ugh parents, thanks!

Treester
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 73
   Posted 2/19/2009 7:21 AM (GMT -7)   
Nights are bad for me, too. It's when I feel most desperate and panicky. When I'm at my worst, anxiety-wise, I even start to feel bad in the late afternoon, just thinking about the impending nighttime.

You're definitely not alone in this.

BrazilGirl
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2004
Total Posts : 101
   Posted 2/19/2009 9:19 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm having a horrible night today! I'm SO tired that I get that diconnected feeling, but the feeling is SO strong that I get SO scared I can't sleep. So it's like, I'm SO exhausted that it causes me anxiety, and because of the anxiety/fear this exhaustion won't go away because I can't sleep.

I hate feeling diconnected/dreamy... I can't even concentrate properly right now. I know I need some rest and I'll feel better in the morning, but I'm just scared of sleeping. Oh well... Trying to come online and take my thoughts from the fears for a while.

Hibee
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 6494
   Posted 2/20/2009 3:26 AM (GMT -7)   
Brazilgirl

I find nighttime difficult as well and my brain goes into overdrive with anxious thoughts which keep me awake and give me terrible nightmares when I do get some sleep. I find that if my sleep is bad my anxiety and depression get a lot worse, last night I did not get any sleep so feeling spaced out today. Im sorry to hear you are going through this but as Kitt said we are here to support you through this rough time.

Take Care

Ben

BrazilGirl
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2004
Total Posts : 101
   Posted 2/20/2009 6:17 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Ben.

Like always, I fell asleep just fine after a few hours of stupid worrying and being scared of nothing. I'm at work now but am tired because I couldn't sleep that well because I was scared with this horrible anexiety.

I didn't end up in the hospital, I didn't lose my mind, I'm here, alive, healthy, and at work.

I just need to re-read this when I get SO anxious again during the night.

mom2three
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 97
   Posted 2/20/2009 9:50 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi BG - so sorry you had a rough night :(

A couple of things that help me - I love to read (not a tv person, but you can do tv too) - and I make sure that I get a gripping mystery thriller that distracts me and I literally read until I am about to pass out. Can also watch a tv show in bed that is engaging enough to distract until you fall asleep. Don't get into bed until you are super tired - clean the house, listen to music, watch tv, exercise, dance - whatever wears you out!

I also have a "bedtime routine" like my little ones...I put on my pj's, drink a cup of hot herbal tea (usually CS Sleepytime) and read my book until about to fall alseep every night. Mainly that cup of tea really signals my body "it's time for bed" and my mind seems to start to slow down as well. Sometimes I have 2 cups if the first doesn't wind me down enough. I'm a big herbal hot tea addict - I love it! Just make sure they don't have caffeine :)

Also, I'm not sure if you take any medications, but if I'm having a particularly anxious night, I will take .25mg klonopin to relax me and slow down those crazy thoughts...not to be a med. proponent, but if you already take something similar for daytime anxiety, perhaps it would be better suited being taken in the evening when your anxiety is at its peak.

Take care!
Panic Attacks (since age 10) & General Anxiety with a little OCD thrown in there
Biggest Challenge - Panic; Biggest Joy - my 3 cute kiddos (ages 1, 2 & 5)
 


Aries8
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 1015
   Posted 2/20/2009 12:53 PM (GMT -7)   
Brazil,

A couple things. Are you sure you're not in love with the ex-boyfriend? You may want to think about that. You've had a year to miss him and maybe feelings have changed.

Nights are often the worst time for people who suffer with anxiety/panic attacks. I'm not sure why. I'm the opposite. I feel anxious the entire time the sun is up in the sky.

Lastly, do not let any negative self talk into your head at night. When you begin to question whether or not you'll ever be happy, etc., tell yourself things will get better. Busy yourself with a hobby, reading, or cleaning. By calmly distracting your mind you will learn that the evenings are a nice time to relax and you'll begin to enjoy them. Good luck!
Anxiety Disorder/Mitral Valve Prolapse
 
Prozac and Carvedilol


BrazilGirl
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2004
Total Posts : 101
   Posted 2/20/2009 2:37 PM (GMT -7)   
Aries8: I'm absolutely positive that I'm crazy, head over heels in love with my ex boyfriend! I'm experiencing the worse pain I've ever experienced. Because unfortunetly, although my ex was very confused and even dumped the girl he was with for 2 months to try again with me, he never really trusted my feelings for him since I left him, and eventually, he went back to her. This was like 1 month ago. Now it's carnaval in Brazil and they are travelling together with all of his friends and I just want to ... I would never, ever say die, but I want to go to sleep and wish this year will pass by and I can forget about him.

The pain is 10x bigger because I CAUSED it. I dumped him, I didn't love him anymore, I've created this mess.

I'm trying NO CONTACT to get over him, but I just, ugh, first loves are hard to get over.

I'm sure my anxiety is up because of this. For once though, I'm anxious about something real and not crazy thoughts. I hope this will pass and I can move on, however, I just really want my boyfriend back. =[

BrazilGirl
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2004
Total Posts : 101
   Posted 2/20/2009 11:35 PM (GMT -7)   
Ugh, another crappy night. I'm at home with my parents and I'm supposed to feel good and sleep well. However, it's Carnaval and the music outside is SO loud. It's IMPOSSIBLE for me to concentrate and sleep.
When my stress levels are this high and I'm this tired I feel more dreamy/unreal/disconnected than usual. That's the scariest anxiety symptom.
 
I realllyyy need to sleep but it's 3am and this music will probably only stop around 6-7am. Damm brazilians. I guess at least I have the whole day to sleep tomorrow. I just wish I could re-read that I'll be fine when I get some sleep and not feeling dreamy/disconnected, but when we feel this way, it feels like it will never get better. I feel like I'll never be able to sleep again and will feel like this forever.
 
Gosh, I hate stressful periods, my ex boyfriend causing these insecurities, and just anxiety in general for just coming back right when we think we are cured and ready to lead normal lives.

ct.h
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 2/21/2009 10:57 PM (GMT -7)   
I know that what I am about to say, you will not want to believe. Your issue is all in the way you are thinking. Every human being is given the ability to control their thoughts. The fact that you feel worse at night is normal. During the day we are occupied with our daily routine. Many times we just don't have the time, or allow ourselves the opportunity to fell badly. At night the sun goes down. You feel alone. Now your mind has the time to dwell on the negative. So here's what you need to do. Everytime you start to feel badly, find a mirror. That's right a bathroom mirror. Look into that mirror and see yourself standing there. Now, aloud, tell yourself that you are allowed to feel the way you do, but it's going to be alright. Repeat to yourself that the way you are feeling is normal, but it is going to be alright. Now as you walk from the mirror, clear your mind. Do not allow yourself the luxury of a negative thought. Each and every time you start to have a bad thought, clear your mind. Do not allow yourself to dwell on the thought which is causing you pain. Right now you have pain deep down in the heart of your subconcious mind. This pain needs to be allowed to surface, so that it can be dealt with and resolved. Hypnosis can help! For right ow, just try what I am suggesting. I'll be here if you need me!  Eric

RoseA
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 3/14/2009 7:42 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi, mom2threee, and Brazilgirl! Im So Happy that im not alone. I do feel like i have OCD sometimes ,because i do get extremly scared of dying , or going crazy, and not being in control of my own self. And i do feel more fearful when i am by myself and at night, and sometimes when i first get up. I hate this feeling. But, it does pass eventually. I cant wait for the spring and summer time . So that i can be out doors more often. I also am a mom of 2 children, that i love with ALL OF MY HEART! I hope and pray for all of us .

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 3/14/2009 7:52 AM (GMT -7)   

Just dropping in to give you all a ((((((hug))))))))) and hope things get better soon.

My Doctor asked me once " what is the worse thing that would happen if you did not sleep well?"  Argh........ I would toss and turn and be very anxious the next day and feel tired and not be able to concentrate. 
I guess his point was to tell me I would not die......... idea

Obviously he slept well. 

Take care and know you have many members here that share your problem

Kitt


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
&  Moderator GERD  Forums

*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources

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