What is wrong with me.......

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Sailorpizza
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 2/21/2009 10:32 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi everyone.. I've been lurking around the forums for a while.. this is my first post. First and Foremost, thank you EVERYONE.  I have found so much strength here.  It's good to know that I'm not alone in my fight.
For several years now I have been off meds and kept my anxiety well under control.  I started back to work in Jul 08 (my anxiety attacks were so bad at one point I couldn't keep a job) I'm starting to feel it creeping back in again, I think is started when I accepted a managment position at work.  My job is very easy, even the managing part, but my boss is......well a stress point I think.    I get very sick to my stomach when I need to talk to him, or deal with him, or when I see his number on the caller Id.  I've had near constant diarreah for the last 3 mos.  (since I took the position)  I do NOT want to go back on medication cry    There is alot on my plate atm, I think that might be a part, but I was doing fine with everything until I had to start working closely with this boss.  He's outwardly very nice, doesn't yell or get mean or act inappropriatly.  He just has this aire about him that makes me want to vomit.  Am I doing this to myself?   I keep asking myself, "Am I just tired, and blaming my boss?"   I feel like the stomach problems are draining my energy. (Dr. said he thought it was nerves) 
I'm afraid to tell my husband I want to quit.  He went through years with me not even able to leave the house to get groceries , let alone get to work.  I don't want him to think I'm falling down again cry , but I don't know how much longer I can continue in this direction before I break.  I want to stay strong.  I can feel it.. moving slowly like an evening shadow.  If I get out now, and move to a job where I don't  want to puke on my boss, I feel I can push it back down again... I don't know.. I just needed to vent this I guess.  Thank you for listening blush

Hibee
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 6482
   Posted 2/22/2009 1:30 AM (GMT -7)   
Sailorpizza

Welcome to healingwell this is a great forum. Sorry to hear you are going through a rough time with your anxiety at the moment, it sounds to me like you have done really well getting over your anxiety in the past and well done with going out and getting a job. I find that if I have a lot on my plate and im not sleeping that well I find it difficult to deal with people and my anxiety gets worse so can relate on that one. If it is a real issue you could maybe transfer to a new job? or department?. Have you ever had therapy? I found this really helped me with my anxiety even more than the medications I take, I really hope things work out for you and know we are here to listen and support you so please keep posting to tell us how you are getting on.

Take Care

Sailorpizza
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 2/22/2009 6:14 AM (GMT -7)   

Thank you for the kind reply unhappy..  Yes there is alot on my plate, i'm not sleeping well.  I've had therapy in the past.  I hated therapy, seemed they always just wanted to diagnose and medicate, while I wanted help. Finally found one that HELPED me.  I'm sorry, first post and I lay out a problem.  Thanks everyone for being here :)

 


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 2/22/2009 1:39 PM (GMT -7)   

Sailorpizza

Hello, this is Kitt.  Welcome to HealingWell and the A & P Forum. I understand your anxiety but I am wondering if perhaps you would do better to stay out of the management role as even thow it seems easy something is causing your anxiety with this boss.  Remember you have the right to change your mind.  If you feel you have given the position a fair trial and it is causing you to start to feel ill again then IMHO it is not good for you.

What other options do you have that could remedy the situation?  Also I think your hubby would understand and not want to see you back where you were so do advocate for what is best for you.

I took early retirement from a stressful management position and had worked through it for 26 years until I was overwhelmed.  I know now that I would not want to go back to the position.  Just remembering the stress makes me feel ill.

I wish you peace and happiness and stick with us as we are all here for you.

Gentle Hugs

Kitt


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
&  Moderator GERD  Forums

*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


Green Grove
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2424
   Posted 2/22/2009 1:44 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Sailorpizza,

Welcome to HealingWell and the Anxiety/Panic Forum!

It does seem to me that you job is causing so much stress right now. All of your symptoms point to anxiety, and I really do admire all of you that go out and work "regular" jobs with this disorder. I'm lucky to have many small jobs to do, so I keep my mind busy on work and not my anxiety. Anyway, I think if you have the chance to go somewhere else to work, please take it. Are you on any meds right now? Have you tried CBT (therapy)? We have links in our Anxiety-Panic Resources thread at the top of the page that helps to learn great breathing and relaxation techniques, plus our online free cbt called MoodGYM.

I wish you good luck with everything and it is sure nice to meet you :)
Much Love, Hugs, Peace & Comfort . . . Your Bro . . . Sam :)
 ~Co-Moderator Anxiety & Panic Forum~
"Although the world is full of suffering. . . it is also full of the overcoming of it."
~Helen Keller~
Not a professional.  Seek your physician's advice before making changes to your meds or lifestyle.
 


Aries8
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 1015
   Posted 2/22/2009 5:09 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey! Welcome and I hope things get better for you. Kitt said a bunch of wonderful things that made sense. So, I would like to sign my name to her post. (Not that anyone else didn't say good things.) The thought of going to work causes a lot of anxiety for me, too. I think if you follow Kitt's advice, you'll be okay. Let us know what you decide!
Anxiety Disorder/Mitral Valve Prolapse
 
Prozac and Carvedilol


AuroraRavencrow
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 119
   Posted 2/22/2009 6:40 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello SailorPizza!! Welcome, welcome, welcome!! I do agree with Kitt when she says that maybe the management position is not where you should be at this time. If it causes you so much stress, why stay with that position? If you have given it a good shot, and tried your best and you are still feeling that way, you probably shouldn't do that. In the long run, it's just going to cause you more problems. You see, my father works in a factory at this present time. He was an Operator for the factory but had to step down his position because it was causing him so much stress and anxiety, he just couldn't handle it anymore. Now, he is doing alot better without medication which is a plus!! I really hope that this helped you out a little bit. As I said earlier, welcome to HW and just remember: we are here to listen if you need someone. Good luck!!

Sailorpizza
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 2/22/2009 8:27 PM (GMT -7)   
You have all given me great advice, and support! Thank you soo much *hugs you all* I think at this time I do need to step down. When I set out to work again, I only wanted to work part time. I also wanted to prove to myself that I could get out the door day after day. Sort of my Victory dance if you will. I will do my best to muster up the courage to talk to my boss. It's good to know others have traveled and are traveling the same road as me. I think everyone's advice is sound. Great to meet all of you, I hope soon I can help encourage others as you have encouraged me ^.^

bigcc_1976
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 94
   Posted 2/22/2009 9:12 PM (GMT -7)   
Sailorpizza,

You mentioned that you have dealt with anxiety for several years and had agrophobia for a time as well. But your mention of your husband makes me wonder if he is part of your anxiety and stress. Does he really understand what you deal with on a daily basis, as far as the anxiety goes? If you truly understands he will be supportive of you and your wishes and what makes you comfortable. If he doesn't understand maybe it would be beneficial for him to go to an anxiety therapist and ask questions or maybe it would be beneficial for him to read some of the posts on this website to see all of us that deal with this issue. I just hope your not keeping your job in an effort to not dissapoint him.

CC

babblin5
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 70
   Posted 2/24/2009 2:19 AM (GMT -7)   
By all means, discuss it with your husband... he may be more supportive of you than you think. You said that you were afraid of how he might feel, and that leads me to believe that perhaps part of why you feel trapped is because you don't want to disappoint him, and that feeling just makes it worse. What if he told you that he supports your leaving that position at any time you wish? My wife has constantly amazed me with her support, even when I feel bad or feel that I may have let her down in some way.

Whatever you decide to do as far as your job is concerned, do not regret your decision. We only live life once, and if that job is detracting from your enjoyment of life, it's not worth it in my opinion. STand tall and be proud! You've done an amazing job with your anxiety! :-)

Sailorpizza
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 4/20/2009 10:06 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi again all, I just wanted to post an update sort of.  I did quite my job.  Not because I couldn't do the job, but because I could not deal with that boss of mine.  I ended up just leaving :(   I didn't want to quit that way, but my boss put me in a very stressful situation, that if he had just told me about what I might expect that day, it could have been avoided.  When I called him to ask why he didn't tell me, and how frustrated I was at his lack of communication, he said " Get mad and get over it."   To which I told him I would get over it, just not working for him. I literally felt like I had been sucker punched. (this is all at a little small town pizza shop mind you, there is no need for so much drama and confusion, the job isn't rocket
science.)  Anyway good news my anxiety levels have dropped to a managable level. Still lurking but not gaining ground.
Let my words today be tender and sweet, for tomorrow I may have to eat them.


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 4/20/2009 10:20 AM (GMT -7)   

Sailorpizza,

Good for you, and I am glad to hear you anxiety level is down..............remember he is not the only pizza game around.  nono   You did the right thing taking care of you.

Kitt


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator:
Anxiety/Panic 
Co-Moderator Depression
  Forums
Moderator: GERD/Heartburn
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


Aries8
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 1015
   Posted 4/20/2009 10:24 AM (GMT -7)   
I have a feeling your anxiety is still lurking because no doubt you feel anger and maybe feel as though your boss let you down in some way. I'm glad you've moved on as far as jobs go. Try writing a letter to your former boss. Write your feelings and how you've felt about leaving. When you're done, destroy the letter. You will feel better!

Keep us informed in regards to how you are doing!
Anxiety Disorder/Mitral Valve Prolapse
 
50 mg. Lopressor, 60 mg. Prozac, Ativan as needed.


Green Grove
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2424
   Posted 4/20/2009 12:14 PM (GMT -7)   
I am glad you got out of the volatile job situation. I know that you are feeling a bit better now, but I do have to agree with Aries that you should continue to work on resolving this by putting it in the past so you can move on with your healing without the baggage.

The best of luck to you!

Sam :)
Anxiety-Panic Forum Co-Moderator


Sailorpizza
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 4/20/2009 5:42 PM (GMT -7)   
THank you everyone! It's been a 10 year battle with the anxiety.. no scratch that.. it's been a 10 year war. Many medications, now off medication. I will do my best to encourage others here the way all of you have encouraged me.
Fight on my friends, together we can defete this!!
Let my words today be tender and sweet, for tomorrow I may have to eat them.

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