Do we feel worse before we feel better?? (about meds)

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BrazilGirl
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2004
Total Posts : 101
   Posted 2/28/2009 4:00 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey guys, I feel so good to have you guys or at least some people who remotely understand what I go through!
 
Sometimes I can't believe I let myself get where I am now. Just 2 weeks ago I was posting about being anxious about a break-up with a boyfriend, and now here I am, posting about how I feel like I've gone crazy and like nothing in my life matters since something horrible will happen to me anyways.
 
I started taking my meds 3 days ago, and I've been feeling worse. I'm SO scared that this disconnected feeling due to anxiety, feeling unreal and depression will never leave me and that I will be stuck in this nightmare forever. I feel like I will slowly forget everyone and all my memories and that I will just die or end up insane (although I already feel like I am insane).
 
I have an amazing life, with some traumas, of course, but I basically LOVE, LOVE my life and have SO many hopes for my future! I just feel like I'm about to lose everything, my job, my friends, my family, my ex boyfriend will realize how weak I am and how I became this "crazy" person.
 
Sometimes I feel a little hope, but most of the times I'm like, why does it matter if I'm crazy and will soon lose touch with reality anyways? Also, my therapist said that this time, my anxiety came when I was already depressed because of my break-up and that's why it's been tougher. I guess the feeling that "nothing matter" + the derealization from the anxiety/panic is making it feel like I am REALLY losing or have lost my mind.
 
Since I was 16 and FIRST experienced panic attacks this have been my biggest fear, and no matter how rational I can be, like, nobody develops schizophrenia on a course of 6 years or no crazy people obssess about being crazy but when things seem so lifeless and the feeling of dp/dr kicks in, it's hard to be rational.
 
I have a date today, with a very nice guy, and I haven't met a guy this nice in SO long and I'm so sad that I'm going to have to sit there feeling unreal and scared. However, I also know that I have to keep going, to keep battling this, because if I do get better, and if I'm actually NOT crazy (haha), I can't lose my opportunities.
 
I would like you guys to pray for me because I'm SO young, SO full of life, I'm beautiful and am actually going through the toughest days of my life. I hate worrying my family but most of all, I hate feeling like "it doesn't matter anyways, I'm going to lose touch and I won't ever care about them soon". I'm scared of sleeping and becoming more disconnected and depressed each day.
 
I know I have to be patient and let the meds kick in, but what is my biggest personal trait?? I'm SO anxious and HATE waiting!! I want this feeling to go away NOW!!!!! I want to be able to do my job, finish university, apply to harvard business school (my dream), be able to have another boyfriend, experience love again, marry, have kids... and these days it feels like my life is already over and that I'm insane and will never be able to be normal again. I feel SO strange and like nothing matters. I know it will get worse during dinner with the boy, but I'm going to be brave and go!!!
 
Worse comes to the worse, if I am really crazy and if this is all just a hallucination or a dream, I might as well enjoy dinner with a hot guy!
 
Love,
 
BrazilGirl (trying to see the light and humor during these dark days!)

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 2/28/2009 4:11 PM (GMT -7)   
I just love your humor and the attitude

YES I believe some meds do make you feel worse til they kick in and I am like you
I want it NOW........lol
They will and in the interrim
I will pray for you and keep you in my thoughts and heart .........
YOU are not crazy at all ..........

ENJOY the hot Dinner ( ahem ) and the oh yeah .......hot guy ...........

Let us know how it goes plz
I love a good date story and romance............

In my thoughts and prayers

LYN
 DX: Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,
Fibro & Other DD

Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
                               Moderator@Alzheimer's..
              CO Moderator @ Anxiety and Panic........Co Moderator   @ Crohns                    
                            Keep The Fight Going..Or YOu Will Lose
               Look For The GOOD, Even At Your Lowest
  We Have Anxiety and Panic...................Anxiety and Panic DO NOT Have us         
   
                                     LYN


BrazilGirl
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2004
Total Posts : 101
   Posted 2/28/2009 4:18 PM (GMT -7)   
Lyn, thank you SO much! You are SO kind. I've been hear during 2 periods of severe anxiety, it's my third and worse (well, I'm 21 now, the stakes are higher), and I feel like when i'm good I don't come here to support.

I had a very anxious free year and I promise that if I get over this I will NEVER leave you guys and everyone that needs me here. It's very "easy" to only come on times of anxiety, panic and fear and leave when things seems normal again. I want to be here to tell my story and help people overcome this!

I will take my alprazolan with me, and if things get too tough, I guess I will take half!! I hope the boy can distract me though, normally they do... haha!

God knows what he does and I'm just going to try and face my fears!!

Is it normal to experience dp/dr 24/7 and even a bit at home? Although it does get 100% worse when I go out... I know this answers because I've overcome this, but my obssessive mind feels like I need to contantly be reassured!

Thanks a lot again! Lyn, you are SUCH a kind person and everyone else here is as well!! I'm soo sorry to bother you guys SO much!

melbe
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 77
   Posted 2/28/2009 4:33 PM (GMT -7)   

 Hey BrazilGirl, you are too funny, hot guys are usually the best distraction so I'm almost positive you will be fine tonight.  yeah   Good for you for going out during this rough patch you've been having.  I'm sure with the great attitude you have and the meds which will be kicking in very soon that you will be feeling back to normal in no time at all.  I always feel the exact same way as you during anxiety/PA, crazy and like your life is over but it does get better.  I always need people to remind me of that too!  Have fun on your date and give us all the good details later!

Mel


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 2/28/2009 4:33 PM (GMT -7)   
Stop you are not bothering that what family is about
No bother hun at all
Yes it can happen that you feel the dp/dr.........24/7 and even at home .......I believe anyways
I am an obseesive personality as well way way OCD and about many things
You sound beautiful and FULL of life
keep it that way sweetie
YOU have to fight a great fight but you WILL prevail
I have had a/p for well over 40 plus yrs and I get thru each day
Lately I have come to realize just how precious our gift of life is and even though we have this DD we CAN and will overcome to a point that is tolerable to live with or just keep on a fighting

You have a great attitude and you would be an asset to the forums for sure when things are good for you ......or even at your lowest
Sharing our joys and triumphs........and problems of daily struggles help others even those we may not know about
THEY read your post ( or others) and WHAM they are hit with the tiniest thing that will pull them thru so YES plz do share the good as well

Have a great time and know you do deserve it
keep me posted as I said I love romance and all.............

God Bless/Luvs..........LYN
 DX: Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,
Fibro & Other DD

Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
                               Moderator@Alzheimer's..
              CO Moderator @ Anxiety and Panic........Co Moderator   @ Crohns                    
                            Keep The Fight Going..Or YOu Will Lose
               Look For The GOOD, Even At Your Lowest
  We Have Anxiety and Panic...................Anxiety and Panic DO NOT Have us         
   
                                     LYN


mom2three
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 97
   Posted 2/28/2009 7:30 PM (GMT -7)   
So jealous of the fun date with the hottie!!! Have a GREAT time! Hopefully he will be so interesting that you won't been anxious. Yes, you can have dr/dp all the time - I definitely have at some points. And, like you said, worse comes to worse, take the med. in your purse, let it start working and keep smiling.

You actually sound great - I hope that you have a BLAST! (Hugs)
Panic Attacks (since age 10) & General Anxiety with a little OCD thrown in there
Biggest Challenge - Panic; Biggest Joy - my 3 cute kiddos (ages 1, 2 & 5)
 


Aries8
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 1015
   Posted 2/28/2009 8:54 PM (GMT -7)   
Well, i'm jealous that you made plans for a date even with the anxious feelings. I would be hiding in my home, suffering and complaining. Have fun and try not to worry about things.
Anxiety Disorder/Mitral Valve Prolapse
 
Prozac and Carvedilol


BrazilGirl
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2004
Total Posts : 101
   Posted 2/28/2009 10:11 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey girlies, well, guess what, I'm back and survived!! I'm going to be lying if I said that the DP/DR didn't bother me at all but I made it!! A 3 hours-long dinner!! The guy was very interesting and nice and it was fun. Of course it was not near as fun as it would have been if I was my normal self and not this depressed/anxious mess.

However, if I ever get better, and although I'm still a little bit hopeless I know that in the back of my mind I will feel better soon and get out of this "nightmare". Do you guys feel trapped sometimes? Like it's a bad dream and you can't wake up and feel like yourself again?

But anyways, its 1:30am and although I am anxious about how I will feel tomorrow, I'm still feeling a little detached, I'm still feeling scared, I feel victorious.

I guess this horrible anxiety cycle happened just 2 weeks ago when me and my ex boyfriend finally had an official conversation in which he ended things with me for good. I guess it was a very big feeling of "loss" like I've lost a person that had been my safety for SO long. I always felt insecure like, I'm never going to find anybody else again.

And this guy really seem to like me and although I don't feel ready for anything in the state I am now, I am happy I am living and just letting things happen naturally.

So yes, I guess I can say I beat the anxiety monster tonight but I know it's not going to be an easy road!!

I'm finding that instead of having bad nights and good mornings like before my anxiety peaked, the mornings are worse for me because I'm scared of how I will make it through this day and I wake up feeling very anxious, and at night, I feel better. Very weird for me considering I used to hate nights and have easy days.

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 2/28/2009 10:27 PM (GMT -7)   

Dear Brazilgirl.............whooooooo hooooooooo, you made it and you got a good dinner to boot, not bad for a crazy woman....... smhair

You are a winner and the sun will come up tomorrow and you will be proud and think, hey I made it so I am NOT going crazy.......I am just going through a tough time.

Look how well you know yourself, you recognize your young, pretty, have a good personality and that your had a nice time. Not to forget that you are very smart too. yeah

You did not stay home and beat yourself up and your not crazy.

You have anxiety, that nasty little bugger that chases us around trying to get into our heads but we are stronger then that.............so you drop kick the anxiety and crazy thoughts to the curb and know you are one fabulous lady.

You have my support and many special hugs to get your through.........stick with our wonderful family.

Fondly

Kitt

 


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
&  Moderator GERD  Forums

*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


Hibee
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 6496
   Posted 3/1/2009 1:58 AM (GMT -7)   
Brazilgirl

Sounds like you are having a tough time at the moment but hopefully your medication will kick in soon and help you out. Well done for going out on your date and getting through it thats a huge positive and as Kitt said you could off staid home and beat yourself up for not going so well done it is this small steps which help to beat our anxiety. You sound like a strong person and you will get through this don't worry about posting a lot we are a support group for anxiety so thats what we a here for to listen and support other memebers.

Keep posting to tell us how you are getting on.

Take care

Ben

mom2three
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 97
   Posted 3/1/2009 6:39 AM (GMT -7)   
CONGRATS!!! That is GREAT news! You broke the cycle and that is a huge step. Having one good night with no anxiety attacks proves to you that you can get better and handle your aniexty/panic. Don't let youself slip into that hopeless thinking (easier said than done, I know) - but right now, just congratulate yourself on this success and positive step! I'm thrilled that you had a good time, BG :)
Panic Attacks (since age 10) & General Anxiety with a little OCD thrown in there
Biggest Challenge - Panic; Biggest Joy - my 3 cute kiddos (ages 1, 2 & 5)
 


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 3/1/2009 11:58 AM (GMT -7)   
I am so proud of you for getting out and doing what you wanted to do
A/P can rob us
YOU kept ahold of all your loot........LOL


KUDOS to a job well done.......thanks for the post

LYN
 DX: Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,
Fibro & Other DD

Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
                               Moderator@Alzheimer's..
              CO Moderator @ Anxiety and Panic........Co Moderator   @ Crohns                    
                            Keep The Fight Going..Or YOu Will Lose
               Look For The GOOD, Even At Your Lowest
  We Have Anxiety and Panic...................Anxiety and Panic DO NOT Have us         
   
                                     LYN


Green Grove
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2424
   Posted 3/1/2009 1:17 PM (GMT -7)   
Congrats! I hope you have a nice time and start getting back to yourself without all of the anxiety :)
Much Love, Hugs, Peace & Comfort . . . Your Bro . . . Sam :)
 ~Co-Moderator Anxiety & Panic Forum~
"Although the world is full of suffering. . . it is also full of the overcoming of it."
~Helen Keller~
Not a professional.  Seek your physician's advice before making changes to your meds or lifestyle.
 

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