Lovely HW family,
Like you all know, I was having SEVERE problems with anxiety these past weeks and it has been a tough journey!
I know I still have a lot, a lot, to overcome, but since yesterday I have started to feel better. I have started to be able to rationalize my obssessive thinking and at least be like "Ok, I AM real, this IS my life, this FEAR is generated by anxiety and I am going to fight"!
The symptoms of derealization/despersonalization are DEFINETLY fading. Specially here at work and at home. I don't know how I will feel at night or in other places, but at work and at home, I feel MUCH more like myself.
OF COURSE, sometimes I get anxiety about feeling better. How crazy is this? It's like, ok, now that I'm not feeling that unreal or that bad, does it mean I've gone mad? BUT, I can start positive thinking and being like: "No, it doesn't, it simply means I am getting better".
The obssessive thoughts still paralyze me at periods during the day. Specially existencial ones caused by my period of feeling "unreal" like, why am I fighting? What is life? What am I? etc... but I simply think, I am me, I am here, this is the world, this is my life and I'm going to keep living it.
Is it normal for symptoms to shift? Like, now that I don't feel that "weird" my fear gets more focused on the "obssessive" thoughts of "why does this all matter, what is life?" and although I can RATIONALIZE that it does matter because I do love life, it does still REALLY scares me at times.
Anyways, what matters for me is that I am starting to be able to REALLY see the light and although I'm still terrified at times, my happy moments have been more constant. I know it can be a tough day, but I am trying to stay positive and imagine that, like yersterday, this will be a better day and hopefully in a few days I will be able to STOP the obssessive thoughts and go back to my normal self.
Thanks for everyone who prayed and advised me. It meant the world to me.