Help for a newbie

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New Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 3/18/2009 10:15 AM (GMT -6)   



I am new to this forum and I need some overall help.

Needles to say I am dealing with excessive amounts of anxiety.


I've figure out it comes first from wanting to do too much and everything is important.

I have a full time job and I am a new mom, which, by itself adds a lot to my to -do list.

In top of that I am recently separated, which was traumatic, and I became a single mom as consequence.

I do not have family near by.


I have a good support system in wise and companioned friends, the church a codependent support group I attend weekly. Plus single moms online support.

I am also doing meditation. I am working to simplify my life, by resolving to do less and lowering my standards a bit here and there.

I am declutering my house, which helps a lot


ok, so, the first cause of anxiety is my long needs of unsatisfied wants and needs.

This gets compounded by impatience, perfectionism and guilt for not having completed the tasks


Another component is that I love to start new things, new ideas, new projects, new website memberships, new workshops, new forums (like this one) but when I get at 60% of more of completion, I start to procrastinate badly, loose interest and motivation and become very anxious about it too.


Needles to say I am anxious about being anxious.

I have a crazy believe that if I have positive thoughts God will come and slap me in the face for my pretensions.

I try to challenge that believe but it is much engrained on me.


Lately this is so bad, that I twist my fingers, have shortness of breath and occasionally pinch myself.


I can redirect my attention but it only lasts a few minutes at most and I have to keep on doing conscious relaxation over and over during the day. It is very draining.


Sleeping is not a problem since I subscribed to a relaxation service where I download targeted relaxation sequences and I listen to them when I go to sleep. They also provided me a 3-min fast relaxation track that I use during the day, especially at work.


How do I stop punishing myself for not doing so much so fast?

How can I become a positive person without the fear of catastrophes happening if I do?

How can I get myself to finish what I started?

Any insight is appreciated

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 1768
   Posted 3/18/2009 10:26 AM (GMT -6)   
I think it's hard for anyone who tends to be perfectionist to not get stressed about the to-do list. From what I've heard (I don't have kids of my own) you have to prioritize what's really important, and pay attention to that. You have to make your child first, and be a little lax about other things. You have to realize that you can't do it all. No one can be a perfect mom, worker, cleaner, task completer, etc. Maybe sit down and write down the things that are really important to you, and that MUST be done, and look at the things that don't have to be done to perfection.

Stop punishing yourself "for not doing so much so fast", you can only do so much. Try to only do the things that you commit to finish, even if that means doing less. Don't start a new tast until you complete the last.

Just a suggestion! I hope some of this helps!

31 yr old female-dx with Crohn's in '97 after emergency resection and appendectomy, 2nd resection '05
Currently on Humira, Prilosec, Effexor, Seroquel, Calcium, Vit D, sublingual B12; phenergan, ultram, clonazepam as needed

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2721
   Posted 3/18/2009 11:51 PM (GMT -6)   

Hi DiscoveringSelf!

Welcome to HW. Can I just you sound a lot like me! I find the pressure to be perfect drives my anxiety through the roof. It sounds like you have a great support network, but anxiety is hard to understand if you don't have it. I would say "take the pressure off" but that's as likely as pigs flying until you are ready to accept that we are all human and we are all equal. The demands you put on yourself are inhuman, but until you "get" that you will punish youself (I know it!).

I higly reccomend journalling the beliefs and concepts you feel you need to achive and then journal how you would talk to a friend who held the same exepectations. Different? I bet they are. You deserve a break, you don't have to be superwoman. Try and realise that your faults are just human faults. You will never be perfect so why not embrace who you are?

Let us know how you go


Co-moderator Anxiety/Panic
Panic Attack Survivor

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 2721
   Posted 3/18/2009 11:52 PM (GMT -6)   

Oh! and my to to list?

Still ten pages long! You are not alone in this!

Co-moderator Anxiety/Panic
Panic Attack Survivor

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