Feeling so ashamed...

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Paulos
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 201
   Posted 3/19/2009 4:34 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello all, you may remember me... I haven't been here in like 2 months... I don't have a great history of it due to my bad memory, but for the past mm 2 weeks I've been taking Vicadin heavier than I used to, I used to take it a pill or two every week or so in I think... November, I remember being high on Thanksgiving... I feel like it's such a mystery to me but anyway... I take about 2/3 vics a day now, I got to stop... every time I wake up my body/brain *even though it's been like this in the past* feels like I'm nervous as heck, worried about ... that I can't survive on my own in life, and just ... plain bad. Anyone ever have that when they were on their drug when they didn't take it? Sigh... I'm so ashamed of myself coming back here like this, the only thing I can say is I'm 277 days off alcohol, 3 days off coffee and 2 days off sleeping pills, still on 50mg Zoloft... so ashamed :(
"Make a joke and I will sigh, and you will laugh and I will cry. Happiness I cannot feel, and love to me is so unreal."-Loony from Rings of Power


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 3/19/2009 7:48 AM (GMT -7)   
Dont beat yourself up my friend
YOUNhave acknowledged what you have done and you should now perhaps get some help if you need it

I am so PROUD of you and your SOBRIETY

Keep those thoughts in that head plz
Your Sis in Sobriety

Luvs
LYN
 DX: Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,
Fibro & Other DD

Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
                               Moderator@Alzheimer's..
              CO Moderator @ Anxiety and Panic........Co Moderator   @ Crohns                    
                            Keep The Fight Going..Or YOu Will Lose
               Look For The GOOD, Even At Your Lowest
  We Have Anxiety and Panic...................Anxiety and Panic DO NOT Have us         
   
                                     LYN


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 3/19/2009 7:57 AM (GMT -7)   
Paulos
 
Remember guilt is a wasted emotion so you do not have to be so hard on yourself but please do see your physician about getting off of the Vicodin if you are finding that the "high" you feel is beginning to make you want to take more of the med.
 
There are other pain medications that won't give you this feeling.
 
Wow, 277 days is awesome...........congratulations on your sobriety.  Do not try to overcome all of your  issues  at once but deal with the most serious ones first. 
 
Know I am still here and still support you.
 
Kitt
 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
&  Moderator GERD  Forums

*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


Paulos
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 201
   Posted 3/19/2009 8:04 AM (GMT -7)   
But I feel like such a loser ;\
"Make a joke and I will sigh, and you will laugh and I will cry. Happiness I cannot feel, and love to me is so unreal."-Loony from Rings of Power


Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 3/19/2009 8:10 AM (GMT -7)   
Paulos, you are not a loser. You are a survivor. That is evident by the courageous and amazing triumph you have had with your sobriety. I hope you will seek the help of your doctor and discuss this with him/her. Please don't feel ashamed....you have every reason to be proud of yourself for what you have already accomplished. Keep us posted, and don't be afraid to reach out for help.

babblin5
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 70
   Posted 3/19/2009 11:51 AM (GMT -7)   
OK Paulos!!! Don't make me hunt you down and hit you on the head with a rolled up newspaper!!! You are not allowed to make mistakes! What are you? HUMAN??? 8D

Seriously, don't be ashamed! You have nothing to be ashamed about... as humans, we ALL seek pleasurable things, and like many of us, you have learned that not all pleasure is good pleasure, and that some pleasures are downright dangerous.

You are learning and growing, and that is certainly nothing to be ashamed about. Think about it. Are we ashamed when we learn new math skills or finally understand a difficult concept in school? Of course not! Why should we be ashamed of the Life Lessons we learn? If anything, you are to be applauded for learning what many, many people fail to learn about addiction.

I "tip my hat" to you, cause YOU ROCK!! yeah
___________________________________________________________________________

"Come to the edge," he said.
"We're afraid!" they replied.
"Come to the edge," he said.

He pushed them, and they flew...


mom2three
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 97
   Posted 3/19/2009 1:24 PM (GMT -7)   
Don't be ashamed!!! CONGRATULATE yourself on your sobriety and think positive about winning the struggle. You can do this.

My husband struggled and overcame a serious drug addiction and, although I cannot directly relate, I was there every step of the way and know how hard it was for him. I remember him expressing very similar feelings. But he has been sober for 1.5 years and still going strong, so be proud of the small steps. Make sure you get the support that you need, be it AA, therapy, support forums - whatever it takes for you to not feel ashamed and connect with others going through your same pain.

Don't let that negative thinking destroy a positive path!
Panic Attacks (since age 10) & General Anxiety with a little OCD thrown in there
Biggest Challenge - Panic; Biggest Joy - my 3 cute kiddos (ages 1, 2 & 5)
 


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 3/19/2009 1:28 PM (GMT -7)   
....Paulos
I have to say I have beeen on this journey with your sobriety and the beginnings of it and look where you are now
 
YOU are doing awesome my friend
I have truly missed you and I am so happy you are back here with YOUR family that cares n supports you
 
THANKS to all the new members n older ones that have told Paulos just what to focus on and bascially how proud he should be
 
Sis IN Sobriety............ 
 DX: Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,
Fibro & Other DD

Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
                               Moderator@Alzheimer's..
              CO Moderator @ Anxiety and Panic........Co Moderator   @ Crohns                    
                            Keep The Fight Going..Or YOu Will Lose
               Look For The GOOD, Even At Your Lowest
  We Have Anxiety and Panic...................Anxiety and Panic DO NOT Have us         
   
                                     LYN


Green Grove
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2424
   Posted 3/19/2009 1:46 PM (GMT -7)   
Wow, I thought you did something bad Paulos, but you should be so proud of yourself for your sobriety off of everything!!! That is so cool and you are a better man than me in taking control my friend. You are welcome here anytime with no shame at all. We are a family and we help each other :)

Take care and hold your head high :)
~Much Love, Hugs, Peace & Comfort~
Your Bro. . . Sam Of Green Grove
~Co-Moderator HW Anxiety & Panic Forum~
"When it is dark enough. . . You can see the stars."
~Ralph Waldo Emerson~
Not a professional. Please consult your physician before making changes to you meds or lifestyle.
~Please find ways to help HW & check out all of the great resources~
Anxiety 20+ years, Asthma, CF, Costo & Arthritis that requires the use of a cane.
Clonazepam, Ventolin HFA & Probiotic.  Exercise, nutrition, herbs & supplements daily for health.
 

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