Stressing out more than usual...

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Celey
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Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 1284
   Posted 3/23/2009 10:39 AM (GMT -7)   
I believe I am doing fairly okay in most of my classes... but...

Fairly okay isn't good enough for me... I should be doing better... How can I settle for anything less than... being the best? I feel... confined... like I'm not doing enough as I could. I feel like I've gone from best to mediocre... and that the next step will be being a failure. :(

I keep beating myself up over... trivial things... things I should not be berating myself for, but I am... (like not writing enough, like choosing to do the Shadow a Leader option instead of the Service-Learning option (much harder, but sounds more satisfying) in an upcoming project, like arriving a few minutes late for class and not getting the points for a homework assignment due today that I turned in)... Not reading a book every day... Not out there... helping people....

What's wrong with me? Why am I stressing out so much??? I was doing fine up until Spring Break started... (Maybe it has something to do with the initial anxiety I started feeling when I suffered from a severe bout of abdominal pain before Spring Break started... I haven't had any severe pain since then *some mild pain here and there and nausea, but nothing I'm concerned about.* I had a nice weekend with a friend which helped take my mind off the stress and everything (except for that one point where my friend got yelled at a few times)... but.... now, the weekend is gone and I'm just... stressed out so much...

I'm thinking I should probably check in with my GI doctor just in case... in regards to my abdominal trouble.... and that I should probably check in with my therapist, too.... before I start spiraling down too much further....

I hope I didn't make you guys worry too much about me... and I hope everyone has been doing well.... How is Nikki doing? Is she out of the hospital yet?
I think I am being picked on by life, sometimes. But's that okay. Life and I are good buddies... I know life doesn't mean no harm. It just is the way it is. I can accept that.


stkitt
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Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 3/23/2009 11:07 AM (GMT -7)   

Celey,

So good to see you and know you are doing OK. Remember to try not to set your expectations to high as you may be setting yourself up for failure.

I do hope you make that appointment with you GI Doc and find out that all is ok with your stomach issues.

There is a thread called Trust and you can read about Nikki.

Glad you had a great weekend and stick with us.

Gentle Hugs

Kitt



 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
&  Moderator GERD  Forums

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Post Edited (stkitt) : 3/23/2009 12:10:19 PM (GMT-6)


Nanners
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 3/23/2009 11:15 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey Celey,

I think you are being a little hard on yourself. I know you put your whole self into your studies, so do the best you can and all will be okay. I agree it can't hurt to get back into see your GI, better to be safe than sorry. I never like to let Crohns issues go to long, just in case it is a flare, you can stop it before it gets worse. Although I think you just may have eaten the wrong thing. And maybe a visit to your therapist is called for too. So glad to hear from you again.

As for the Nikki issue, I think you need to scroll thru the messages, because we had quite a problem with Nikki/Garen. Sadly to say Celey, the whole story was a fake. And Nikki/Garen were one and the same. We have a post going that everyone has posted to (trust issues), to discuss how this affected everyone. You might want to read thru the messages to understand it all. We are all surviving this and trying to move forward.

Hugs,
Gail *Nanners*
Gail*Nanners* Co-Moderator for Anxiety/Panic Forum
Been living with Crohn's Disease for 33 years. Currently on Asacol, Prilosec, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain, Zofran, Phenergan, Probiotics, and Calcium and Xanax as needed. Resections in 2002 and 2005. Also diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and Osteoarthritis and Anxiety. Currently my Crohns is in remission.
*Every tomorrow has two handles.  We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle of faith"*

Celey
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 1284
   Posted 3/23/2009 11:19 AM (GMT -7)   
:(... I can't help it.... I've been working on lowering my standards for myself for years... (I seem to have no problem not judging others by the unrealistic standards I try to hold myself to... but... I dunno why it's different when it comes to me. I guess because I feel like I should be more in control of things in regards to myself)

Which... life has told me more than a thousand times that my reigns of control on myself and the world that effects me is very limited....

I'm aware of all of this... (And I hate being aware of it... if I was ignorant, I probably wouldn't be stressing out as much).... and yet.... I just can't do anything to stop myself from being so... harsh in regards to who I am and what I do... I know that I am my own worst critic, but this is ridiculous... :(
I think I am being picked on by life, sometimes. But's that okay. Life and I are good buddies... I know life doesn't mean no harm. It just is the way it is. I can accept that.


Nanners
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 3/23/2009 11:24 AM (GMT -7)   
(((CELEY))) I think you really need to get in and see your therapist about this. It seems to really be upsetting you, something I hate to see. You are such a sweet, smart and caring person, I hate to see you beat yourself up over this. If you need anything, we are always here for you.

Hugs
Gail *Nanners*
Gail*Nanners* Co-Moderator for Anxiety/Panic Forum
Been living with Crohn's Disease for 33 years. Currently on Asacol, Prilosec, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain, Zofran, Phenergan, Probiotics, and Calcium and Xanax as needed. Resections in 2002 and 2005. Also diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and Osteoarthritis and Anxiety. Currently my Crohns is in remission.
*Every tomorrow has two handles.  We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle of faith"*

Celey
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 1284
   Posted 3/23/2009 11:50 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you, Nanners... I could say the same about you... Though, I think I would multiply it by 10. (No offense to anyone else, you're all great and have been very helpful to me.) :)... And... I will call my therapist and schedule an appointment...

I am sorry to hear that the whole thing with Nikki/Garen was a hoax, and I just now finished reading through the trust thread. I hope that everyone is recovering from that incident... It's sad to be betrayed...

I'm used to it (in some ways. I will get angry and sad *I have a feeling of complete indifference in the initial moments*, but more often than not, it will pass this day)...

I know not everybody has had to deal with a lot of betrayal in their life, though... And I hope this will be the last time... *Hugs, hugs*
I think I am being picked on by life, sometimes. But's that okay. Life and I are good buddies... I know life doesn't mean no harm. It just is the way it is. I can accept that.


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 3/23/2009 11:52 AM (GMT -7)   
Sweet Celey
You are so much like my Cait
She is honor student and that getting 98% is just "NOT" good enough
she feels she has let herself and me down
She even has said exactly what you have said smilewinkgrin
OMG
'I could not be more proud of her ......or you
She works and still does this at school
It is fantastic to have a person so into the education but remember you need some down time too and it is okay not to be Perfect ..........
She is an emotional roller coaster just like you hun
and I have already taken steps to have her and I see the Doc on Thursday

I dont understand the "politics" of todays HS and college but I do know she is taking Uni courses and enriched courses all thru this yr
So she tells me it will help her with Uni
I have no doubt she will get a Grant or Scholarship (at least she can spell LOL)

You and Yourself have to stop being so hard on you
YOU are wonderful and doing ALL you can
KNOW this and be proud.........Hold that head high
Plz do see someone though as others have said
You dont want to get anxiety the way back in...........FIGHT hun
Luvs
LYN

** I wish you's could connect over the net ....that would be something for sure.......Good....


 DX: Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,
Fibro & Other DD

Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
                               Moderator@Alzheimer's..
              CO Moderator @ Anxiety and Panic........Co Moderator   @ Crohns                    
                            Keep The Fight Going..Or YOu Will Lose
               Look For The GOOD, Even At Your Lowest
  We Have Anxiety and Panic...................Anxiety and Panic DO NOT Have us         
   
                                     LYN

Post Edited (Howlyncat) : 3/23/2009 12:57:02 PM (GMT-6)


Celey
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 1284
   Posted 3/23/2009 12:18 PM (GMT -7)   
I am taking one honor class... and I'm doing well in it... very good, in fact... (It's the one with the upcoming project, though... I really wanted to do the Service-Learning option... Shadow a Leader will be so easy... :(... And it's not really helping anyone... It makes me feel so frustrated with myself... :(... I feel like I'll never meet my goals in life... Why is it I can feel so powerful... like I can do anything... be anything... Change the world... And then, feel like I'll never get anywhere and never realize my full potential... :( )

The rest of my classes I'm doing okay in... Just... okay.... (I'm passing. I feel like an idiot to say that. It sounds so unbecoming of me... I mean... I'm not borderline... My psychology class I have a high B in, at least... With lower B's *possibly a high C in my Public Speaking class* in my Public Speaking and chemistry classes)... I don't know what it is with all the Public Speaking classes I've taken (in middle school and high school and now here in college)... Seems like the teachers never really like me very much (but they treat everyone else the same way, so... I really shouldn't expect anything different)....

It's just not right... :(... I should be getting a 4.0... College is what I've dreamed of my whole life... People have helped me to get this far... I love learning... I just can't shake this feeling that I'm not doing enough...

I am glad your daughter is doing so well in college... :)....

I guess I should be happy that I am even here in the first place... And I am certainly one of the first in my family to be pursuing a bachelor's degree (That's for starters. I have plans on pursuing a Masters degree, too. I don't know about Phd, though... I love being in school and would love to pursue my Phd, but... I'm afraid I'd have too much competition on that level, and I need to figure my health into the equation... :( )
I think I am being picked on by life, sometimes. But's that okay. Life and I are good buddies... I know life doesn't mean no harm. It just is the way it is. I can accept that.


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 3/23/2009 1:21 PM (GMT -7)   
You know it might be an idea if you could connect over this thing
Cait and you are so simuliar it is scary
She is in HS still hun but able to take courses here for Uni advantages and funding from Gov from my understanding
Now as I said I dont get it All LOL but I know she would be able to tell you up straight how it works here

If she has a project due in 2 weeks she has too have it done in a couple of days..........
She does inherit the love of learning from Myself and my Mother for sure
reading especially.is going to be a HS English Teacher.......

English, History.Math.......not happy with her mark there though she isnt......I think she has improved greatly since the teacher changed....
Also she is taking Culinary Arts and is going into Skills Ontario and is doing so to try to make it to Canada wide and Univerisal I believe
She loves to cook and the presentation.......Works now in restaurant.........

I do worry though as she is on 150 mgs of Zoloft due to all the deaths in family and her friends all come to her for help or tease her ( not the friends) about being a browner

I feel like you are outstanding as it is and I am sure I am not the only one here that thinks so ........
Sweetie
Do talk to someone professional about this plz if you will.........

YOU cannot get lost in all of this.......
We wont let you........;)
Mom's United..............Luvs Lyn.

**Fixing Typonese**


 DX: Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,
Fibro & Other DD

Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
                               Moderator@Alzheimer's..
              CO Moderator @ Anxiety and Panic........Co Moderator   @ Crohns                    
                            Keep The Fight Going..Or YOu Will Lose
               Look For The GOOD, Even At Your Lowest
  We Have Anxiety and Panic...................Anxiety and Panic DO NOT Have us         
   
                                     LYN

Post Edited (Howlyncat) : 3/23/2009 3:35:43 PM (GMT-6)


Celey
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Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 1284
   Posted 3/23/2009 1:30 PM (GMT -7)   
High school is the worst when it comes to malice from other students. Especially if you actually use your brains.

I think I know what you're talking about. Dual courses. It's where you can take a college course in high school. Usually costs money, though... at least, it did at my high school... (The school counselor helped me out with that one since I was a bright student and eager for the head-start in my education. I believe that to be invaluable now. :) )... Your daughter sounds nice. :)
I think I am being picked on by life, sometimes. But's that okay. Life and I are good buddies... I know life doesn't mean no harm. It just is the way it is. I can accept that.


Raniah
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 3/23/2009 2:01 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Celey,

I know you and I don't know each other (yet), but I can tell from the posts of yours that I've read that you are a compassionate and incredibly bright person. I'm sorry you've been feeling upset and stressed, and I hope so much that you'll turn the corner on that soon. You've received so much good advice already, I really can't add anything.....just wanted to send you good wishes and give some support. I really hope you'll be able to see your doc and/or therapist, and that they'll be able to help you feel better.

Raniah

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 3/23/2009 2:39 PM (GMT -7)   
You are 2 peas in a pod IMHO

Yes HS is still the same
I dont remember it being that way but then I am 55 yrs old lol or young ........

Keep your head high hun
YOU will make it
But also get some down time and professional help I cannot stress that enough
OCD tendencies can really come out IMHO
That is only my opinion

Luvs
LYN

Raniah
You are such a great supporter of the family..........Luvs.........LYN
 DX: Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,
Fibro & Other DD

Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
                               Moderator@Alzheimer's..
              CO Moderator @ Anxiety and Panic........Co Moderator   @ Crohns                    
                            Keep The Fight Going..Or YOu Will Lose
               Look For The GOOD, Even At Your Lowest
  We Have Anxiety and Panic...................Anxiety and Panic DO NOT Have us         
   
                                     LYN


Julie1014
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Date Joined Oct 2005
Total Posts : 1245
   Posted 3/23/2009 3:36 PM (GMT -7)   
(((Celey))) Sending big hugs and prayers your way. Blessings, Julie
Diagnosed with Crohn's March 2006, Fibromyalgia November 2008
Asacol 3 times a day, Remicade 10mg/kg every 4 weeks, Prednisone 10 mg, Miralax,  Prevacid 30mg, Vit B12, Vitamin D, Slow-FE (Iron), Hydrocortisone enemas
Imuran stopped 9/8/08 (possible Pancreatitis)
Paxil 40mg daily (for Panic disorder)
Xanax .5mg three times a day, 1mg at bedtime (for anxiety attacks)
 
 
 
 
 


FitzyK23
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 4219
   Posted 3/23/2009 4:19 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey Celey! I'm in law school and a bit of an over achiever myself. For me I didn't really apply myself in high school and then in undergraduate I realized I could get really good grades if I tried. Since then I get really mad if I get anything less than a B+. My husband kind of set me straight one day. My rank was something like 28 out of 89 and I was a little bummed. And he was like, look, someone has to be that number 89. How do you think they feel? But they are going to classes, and passing, and going to graduate with the same diploma as you and get a job and work as a lawyer. Someone has to be at the top and someone has to be at the bottom and in the end, it really doesn't all matter that much. And while I think it is important to do the best you can and learn as much as you can in school, there is no need to fight for that number 1 slot. Because in the end, there can only be 1.

As far as service learning goes - I had that at my school and I LOVED it. But it was offered every semester so if you didn't do it this semester you can probably do it next. But every school is different. At mine you volunteered 20 hours per semester instead of doing a research paper. So for me, it was kind of easier. Plus it counted as experience on my resume. Now, I know you regret not doing it so don't beat yourself up anymore than you are. There is always next time. I am just wondering why you didn't do it? I know my issues were working closely supervised and dealing with crohns and the attached anxiety. It was a big commitment. I think a job shadow is a great start and from there you might find where you would like to do your service learning, if you end up doing it.

(HUGS Celey!) Remember, you can't be everything to everyone all the time and in the same frame you can't do everything all the time. You have Crohns, and anxiety and I think depression, right?? So pat yourself on the back for being in school and doing well enough to stay! That is a huge achievement in and of itself.
27 Year old married female law student (last year!!). Diagnosed w/ CD 4 years ago, IBS for over 10 years before that, which was probably the CD. I am sort of lactose intollerant too but can handle anything cultured and do well w/ lactose pills and lactaid. For crohns I am currently on Pentasa 4 pills/4x day and hysociamine prn. I also have bad acid reflux and have been on PPI's since age 13. I have been through prilosec, prevacid, and nexium. Currently I am on Protonix in the morning and Zantac at night.  I take xanax prn for situational anxiety (aka no easy bathroom access). 


Celey
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 1284
   Posted 3/23/2009 5:40 PM (GMT -7)   
Well... This is a community college... And we had to pick what our Service Learning project would be... We weren't really given a list of choices or anything, which means we'd have to find something out there... or start one ourselves... And the project was only for this class... (It's a required project, either Shadow a Leader or Service-Learning) I also lack transportation, which was a pretty big factor.... But... I thought maybe I could do something without having to drive very often... :(... I dunno.... Maybe I'd have better luck in a university....

And I know what you're saying.... about how I can't be everything to everyone all the time... and in the same frame can't do everything all the time... I tell myself that all the time... to try and console myself... And sometimes, it'll work for a little while... But most times, it doesn't... I am capable of pushing these negative feelings to the side, so that I can focus on more important things... but eventually, it creeps up on me... and really hits me hard. I've been like this for a long time now, and I just can't shake it...

I do think I have improved a little at a time.... I'm not nearly as bad as I was when I was a kid...

Thanks for the encouragement, though, Fitzy... I appreciate it...
I think I am being picked on by life, sometimes. But's that okay. Life and I are good buddies... I know life doesn't mean no harm. It just is the way it is. I can accept that.


FitzyK23
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 4219
   Posted 3/24/2009 8:35 AM (GMT -7)   
In that case I think you really made the right choice Celey!! Service learning you have to create yourself as opposed to a system already in place could be stressful and messy! And you don't have transportation. I really think you picked the best choice!
27 Year old married female law student (last year!!). Diagnosed w/ CD 4 years ago, IBS for over 10 years before that, which was probably the CD. I am sort of lactose intollerant too but can handle anything cultured and do well w/ lactose pills and lactaid. For crohns I am currently on Pentasa 4 pills/4x day and hysociamine prn. I also have bad acid reflux and have been on PPI's since age 13. I have been through prilosec, prevacid, and nexium. Currently I am on Protonix in the morning and Zantac at night.  I take xanax prn for situational anxiety (aka no easy bathroom access). 


Celey
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 1284
   Posted 3/24/2009 10:05 AM (GMT -7)   
Yeah.... the easy choice.....

Really need to get myself more relaxed.... in that go-with-the-flow type mood... Because I think stressing out like this is making me more forgetful than usual... *I spent twenty minutes this morning looking for my keys that lock this dorm up*
I think I am being picked on by life, sometimes. But's that okay. Life and I are good buddies... I know life doesn't mean no harm. It just is the way it is. I can accept that.


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 3/24/2009 2:27 PM (GMT -7)   
I am so glad you have made the decision that you should " get more relaxed"
You sure do deserve it

I really believe that the stress DOES amke us more prone to memeory probs as
I know I am really bad going thru it when I am stressed
I know the fibro plays a part but
I am getting really bad especially this last while ( couple of weeks)
Way way to much playing on my mind ya knw
I am thinking bout ya hun


Great advice Fiztky
 DX: Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum,Anxiety/Panic,
Fibro & Other DD

Donate at  www.healingwell.com
 
                               Moderator@Alzheimer's..
              CO Moderator @ Anxiety and Panic........Co Moderator   @ Crohns                    
                            Keep The Fight Going..Or YOu Will Lose
               Look For The GOOD, Even At Your Lowest
  We Have Anxiety and Panic...................Anxiety and Panic DO NOT Have us         
   
                                     LYN


Celey
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 1284
   Posted 3/25/2009 1:40 PM (GMT -7)   
:|... Man, this really sucks... I tried calling to make an appointment yesterday... But since I've been 'inactive' (meaning I haven't had the need for any counselling... Like I said, I had been doing very well... and since I lack transportation, I try to avoid making trips whenever possible)... I have to be "evaluated" to prove to my insurance that I need counselling....

Allow me a juvenile moment, if you will. ***?! //O_o\\'....

... That was almost painful. Okay... to continue... //@.@\\'... I tried making an appointment for this whole evaluation thing, but apparently, there won't be anyone available until May.

May... //@.@\\'... That's a month away... Is it really okay for me to wait that long? I mean, I think I probably could... I don't know. Last time, I waited too long to get help, and by that time, my mental health had taken a pretty sharp decline.... What should I do? Should I go ahead and make an appointment for sometime in May? Is there a better option?
I think I am being picked on by life, sometimes. But's that okay. Life and I are good buddies... I know life doesn't mean no harm. It just is the way it is. I can accept that.


P-Fit
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 419
   Posted 3/25/2009 2:28 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Celey,

I can relate to your situation. I'm also in school and I put a ton of pressure on myself. My 13yr old son actually said something to me about it. I was upset about getting a B+ on a homework assignment and he sat me down and told me I was a perfectionist and needed to stop...OUCH! From the mouth of babes...he is SO right. MY therapist has told me the same thing.

Make the appointment in Mat but in teh meantime, try and find a relaxation/meditation/relaxed breathing CD or DVD at the store. I've found these to be VERY helpful in just calming me down. I have one from the Lucinda Bassett anxiety program that I listen to 2-3 times a day. It helps me to sleep soundly at night. Take care and try not to beat up on yourself wink


Dee-39yrs old wife and mom of 3 boys
UC/PTSD/Panic Disorder/Depression/myofacial pain syndrome 2009-750mg colozal/.750mg clonazepam, 5mg Lexapro-1,000mg canasa/Fioricet/Prilosec OTC-2x daily, Triple Strength Fish Oils/Colonoscopies-4
 


Celey
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 1284
   Posted 3/25/2009 4:15 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for the advice, P-fit... Perhaps doubling up on relaxation techniques will help keep me from stressing out so much...

I'll call tomorrow and schedule an appointment in May, then...
I think I am being picked on by life, sometimes. But's that okay. Life and I are good buddies... I know life doesn't mean no harm. It just is the way it is. I can accept that.

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