Dear Frances :)
Thanks so much again for the reply. If you don't mind me asking...Have you already told your friends about your anxiety issues? Do you tell your date about it too and at what point? I wonder how much you have shared with your close friends and how they have accepted your anxiety. That's like the greatest challenge for me - to tell people about my anxiety without having them judge me. In the past, I had friends invite me to their parties and barbecues, and I could never make it. Traveling long distances (b/c of anxiety and back injury) and being in crowds...is another of my biggest fears. I overcome one obstacle, then there is another one waiting for me. This is why I feel so hopeless sometimes and hide in my little shell, not being able to come out and take risks. I want to live my life to the fullest, as you say, and I have the desire in me. I have a long 'want-to-do list' and it's been sitting on my desk for more than a year, the list is getting longer, not shorter. :(
You have some great supportive friends. :) I'll have to find friends like that.
I think eventually, I'd want to share everything about myself to the person I wish to be with for a long time. Although I believe the friendship or relationship should develop to some extent before I decide to share my past with these people. In most of the relationships I was in, when I tried to stay secretive and mysterious (LOL), the guys wanted to know more about me, showed more interest in my past, and asked many questions. They were willing to listen and support me, but that was before my anxiety got worse. You are right. It would be unfair to burden people with our personal issues.
I am sorry to hear about your job. Do you have other ways to cope with your anxiety without the meds? Like alternative therapy? Herbs, meditation, yoga?