I'm a complete mess.

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jennabear12787
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 4/1/2009 3:30 PM (GMT -7)   
Firstly, this is my first post here, I just joined today. I've been reading through some of the forums on here, and it seems like a very nice and supportive environment. I probably need professional help, but I am a recent college drop out (I'm 21 years old) and do not have any health insurance. I am in a long distance relationship with the love of my life. He and I met on an online game called World of Warcraft, and have met in person once, and he is going to be here again next week. I have severe anxiety problems, I think. If he goes anywhere, if his tone of voice changes, anything of that nature, I start to freak out. My mind conjures these crazy things up, and I start accusing him of not caring. My mind races, and I think of worst possible scenarios, and believe that they are true. I'll think that he's cheating on me if he doesn't answer me right away. I'll think he hates me if his tone of voice changes at all. I'll sit there and accuse him of not loving me with no real grounds to do so, and he's getting sick of it and is about to break up with me. I'm terrified. I love him so much and don't want to lose him, I just don't know how to control myself. I have such terrible issues with trust and my anxiety makes it so much worse. I need help in calming myself down. I believe that every man is the same, regardless of how much they prove themselves otherwise. I can't afford a therapist, I have no health care. I have been through many bad relationships, I believe they have made me this way. I just really need help and I don't know where else to turn =( I can't hold jobs, my mother wants me out of the house because of my issue with job holding. My life is just a complete mess.

Becky77
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 1768
   Posted 4/1/2009 3:54 PM (GMT -7)   
Jennabear,
It does sound like maybe you do need to seek some professional help. I don't say that being mean, but sometimes when you can't get the thoughts in your head to stop or slow down, it's difficult to carry on normally. I don't know where you are, but there has to be somewhere you can go (maybe a free health clinic) to try to get help. I'd google your area and free clinic and see if you can find something.

Like you said, this is a nice and supportive environment. Most of us here truly care about others, and we'll be here for you, encouraging you and hoping things get better for you.

Try to enjoy the time when your bf is there. Tell yourself to ignore the thoughts of doubt. If you know in your heart that he's a good guy, you have to tell your head that, and keep telling yourself to not listen to the thoughts that keep you from enjoying the time with him.

Keep posting and letting us know how you're doing!
Becky

31 yr old female-dx with Crohn's in '97 after emergency resection and appendectomy, 2nd resection '05
Currently on Humira, Prilosec, Effexor, Seroquel, Calcium, Vit D, sublingual B12; phenergan, ultram, clonazepam as needed


jennabear12787
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 4/1/2009 4:16 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you so much for your reply. I think I should mention that these things only seem to happen while we are far away from one another. I live in the Albany area of New York and he lives near Niagara Falls, the Canadian side. I don't feel this badly when we are together in person, it really is only when I can not see his facial expression and see what's really going on.

Allestaria
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 341
   Posted 4/1/2009 7:33 PM (GMT -7)   
Long distance relationships are very hard. Lots of questions arise when you are apart. That is only something you will have to learn to trust. I had a long distance relationship for a few years. Met the guy online and then went to Chicago and met him face to face. Wonderful guy. That was 12 years ago and we are still the best of friends. We decided that the distance was to much to bear.

To me it does sound like trust issues and the what if's in the back of your head working 24/7. Have you talked with him about this? Explained past troubles with relationships? Sometimes bringing it out into the open helps not only you but him to understand where you are coming from. I had the same problem with my hubby when we first started dating. I was driving him nuts wanting to know "what was wrong". I have since then learned that the change in voice, faceial expressions etc comes down to those sudden thoughts that come up. You know the ones. Someone mentions something and you think instantly OH yea I need to go to the store for.... With that thought your face changes, voice changes. Most of the time its never anything bad. But something in the conversation that springs that sudden thought of something. Which in turn equals a slow response as that person needs to refocus not on the shopping list but back to the conversation.

I'm the worst at it. I have so many things to do. Hubby will be telling me what little he can about his day at work.. And I'll remember oh yea gotta tell him this or don't forget that. And he see's I've lost train of thought with him. He's used to it now =)

Best part for last (well at least I think so)

I also am a gamer. I play WOW as well. Thats pretty much what I do with my time. Besides selling my candles and B&B stuff. I've been playing since wow released! Oh and on the gaming side a Canadian whats up with that?!! LOL (had to bring in the Canada bashing wouldn't be wow without it) Love wow way to much! My account name is the name of my druid!


ps for the non wow people.. Canada bashing is a world of warcraft thing. Its all in fun and no true hurt is intended. They give us some hard times and of course we give it back! But its all in fun!

Becky77
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 1768
   Posted 4/1/2009 7:57 PM (GMT -7)   
Let us know how things progress...after you wrote the letter to him tonight. Good to chat with you tonight, by the way! (((((((((hugs))))))))))))
Becky

31 yr old female-dx with Crohn's in '97 after emergency resection and appendectomy, 2nd resection '05
Currently on Humira, Prilosec, Effexor, Seroquel, Calcium, Vit D, sublingual B12; phenergan, ultram, clonazepam as needed


jennabear12787
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 4/1/2009 8:09 PM (GMT -7)   
We talked on vent (voice chat) and his mic wasn't working, and I usually would have an anxiety attack about that, that he was just saying that so he wouldn't have to talk to me, but he called me to say goodnight instead and it was nice! It was lovely chatting with you too ^_^

What server do you play on? And yes I know Canada bashing is a huge WoW thing, lol, I make fun of him and his royal mounted police all the time! it's all in good fun though. LDR's are VERY hard. but we hope that we'll get through it because we love each other so much.

Allestaria
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 341
   Posted 4/1/2009 9:21 PM (GMT -7)   
I play on Llane (Alliance), and Garosh (horde)

Currently kinda stuck right now. As I have 3 accounts and access to hubbys. So I want to start 4 boxing instead of just 2. So now I'm deciding and learing which combo I want to play. And thinking about getting a 5th account so I wont have to touch hubbys but at least he can tank for my 4 box team. Or I could use his account and tank myself. =) lots of reading and setting up involved. Been working on it now for over a week. And still haven't created the toons yet. Just macro's and setting up the programs.

jennabear12787
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 4/1/2009 9:35 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh wow, that's quite a bit of money you spend on WoW lol. I have one account, been playing since 2006. I play on Archimonde alliance side. Got two 80's :]

Allestaria
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 341
   Posted 4/2/2009 4:25 AM (GMT -7)   
Nice grats on the 80's.. I have an 80 hunter, druid. And several 70+ (15 total) Plus tons more. But some aren't 70 yet. And actually I don't pay for 2 of my wow accounts. My mother-in-law does. For what reason I have none. She just said she would. She has been paying for about 3 years now. I don't mind! I think it has something to do with hubby being an only child. And mom still spoils him rotten. We are 34..lol

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 4/2/2009 5:39 AM (GMT -7)   

jennabear12787

Just droppping in to Welcome you to HealingWell and I am glad to see you have connected with some of our kind and caring members.  I hope we are able to continue to provide you with the support you are looking for.

Again, Welcome.

Kitt



 

Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
&  Moderator GERD  Forums

*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


babblin5
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 70
   Posted 4/2/2009 1:43 PM (GMT -7)   
Hang in there kiddo! =)

I'm not professional, but from my own experiences with love and romance, it almost sounds as if you are protecting yourself from possibly being hurt. Our minds often fall back upon the feelings and actions you've described as a way to ruin the relationship before it even has a chance to get started, and we're kept free of true intimacy, of really putting our hearts out there on the line where they can be crushed or broken.

Being long-distance makes it even more difficult, because the person isn't around to give us the visual clues we often rely upon to judge reactions, moods, etc., and we only have what we can hear to rely upon as a gauge of how the relationship is going, and that REALLY makes it hard, because we rely upon visual clues and body language to place what someone is saying into context.

Perhaps the anxiety and fear you feel is related to the amount of risk you're putting yourself into. I'm certainly not saying that this relationship is a bad thing, or that you shouldn't do it. On the contrary, sometimes the more anxiety and fear we feel is an indicator of how GOOD the relationship's potential is. Let me explain by sharing my own experience...

After two failed marraiges, I took a long, hard look at myself and why I always seemed to choose women who carried a lot of emotional "baggage" or in some way needed to be rescued. I suddenly remembered a girl I had dated briefly in High School. She was attractive, intelligent, had a good head on her shoulders, came from a loving and supportive family, and in many ways, she was a very good match for me. I wondered why it was that I never pursued a relationship with her, and instead wallowed about in unhealthy relationships with unhealthy girls with lots of problems and issues. I realized that the reason I never got to know this wonderful girl was because subconsciously, I KNEW that I would inevitably have a real chance at true intimacy, that I would have to show her the "real me", and I could be badly hurt. It was much "safer" for me to be in relationships that I knew would ultimately fail, because I wouldn't have to really trust anyone or put my heart on the line.

I swore on that day that if I ever met someone like her again, that I would take the plunge and risk having a good relationship that would really require me to put myself out there, exposed and vulnerable. A few months later, I met my wife, and we've just celebrated our 16th anniversary! She knows me inside and out. I've shared my deepest fears and my most closely guarded secrets with her, and she loves me anyway!

I'm now stuck for life I guess... wink

Counseling is an excellent way to get at the root of the issues you face, and I strongly recommend that you use that resource, not because there is anything wrong with you, but because, as complex, complicated human beings, EVERYONE and ANYONE could benefit from the expertise of professionals who've dedicated their lives to helping people understand themselves better. In the meantime, I hope that in some way this has helped you.

And finally, give yourself a pat on the back! You've taken some risks already, and stuck with them, even though they've caused you some fear and anxiety, and that's a true testament to your strength!
___________________________________________________________________________

"Come to the edge," he said.
"We're afraid!" they replied.
"Come to the edge," he said.

He pushed them, and they flew...

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