Hang in there kiddo! =)
I'm not professional, but from my own experiences with love and romance, it almost sounds as if you are protecting yourself from possibly being hurt. Our minds often fall back upon the feelings and actions you've described as a way to ruin the relationship before it even has a chance to get started, and we're kept free of true intimacy, of really putting our hearts out there on the line where they can be crushed or broken.
Being long-distance makes it even more difficult, because the person isn't around to give us the visual clues we often rely upon to judge reactions, moods, etc., and we only have what we can hear to rely upon as a gauge of how the relationship is going, and that REALLY makes it hard, because we rely upon visual clues and body language to place what someone is saying into context.
Perhaps the anxiety and fear you feel is related to the amount of risk you're putting yourself into. I'm certainly not saying that this relationship is a bad thing, or that you shouldn't do it. On the contrary, sometimes the more anxiety and fear we feel is an indicator of how GOOD the relationship's potential is. Let me explain by sharing my own experience...
After two failed marraiges, I took a long, hard look at myself and why I always seemed to choose women who carried a lot of emotional "baggage" or in some way needed to be rescued. I suddenly remembered a girl I had dated briefly in High School. She was attractive, intelligent, had a good head on her shoulders, came from a loving and supportive family, and in many ways, she was a very good match for me. I wondered why it was that I never pursued a relationship with her, and instead wallowed about
in unhealthy relationships with unhealthy girls with lots of problems and issues. I realized that the reason I never got to know this wonderful girl was because subconsciously, I KNEW that I would inevitably have a real chance at true intimacy, that I would have to show her the "real me", and I could be badly hurt. It was much "safer" for me to be in relationships that I knew would ultimately fail, because I wouldn't have to really trust anyone or put my heart on the line.
I swore on that day that if I ever met someone like her again, that I would take the plunge and risk having a good relationship that would really require me to put myself out there, exposed and vulnerable. A few months later, I met my wife, and we've just celebrated our 16th anniversary! She knows me inside and out. I've shared my deepest fears and my most closely guarded secrets with her, and she loves me anyway!
I'm now stuck for life I guess...
Counseling is an excellent way to get at the root of the issues you face, and I strongly recommend that you use that resource, not because there is anything wrong with you, but because, as complex, complicated human beings, EVERYONE and ANYONE could benefit from the expertise of professionals who've dedicated their lives to helping people understand themselves better. In the meantime, I hope that in some way this has helped you.
And finally, give yourself a pat on the back! You've taken some risks already, and stuck with them, even though they've caused you some fear and anxiety, and that's a true testament to your strength!
"Come to the edge," he said.
"We're afraid!" they replied.
"Come to the edge," he said.
He pushed them, and they flew...