Anxiety and a car accident.

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New Member

Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 4/5/2009 9:16 AM (GMT -6)   
Hello everyone,
I have been searching around to try and find a good forum to discuss the issues im having and this one seems very down to earth. Im guessing what i deal with is anxiety, its something that i have delt with all my life and its hitting the point now where i need to find ways to take care of it. Using things like a forum help me a lot, i like hearing other peoples opionons and suggestions. While this post seems very much about the accident, it has really brought to life (if thats the words) how much of an issue i have with anxiety, because anything that happens to me i make a big deal in my head, and i feel if my mind isnt racing about something then i need to find something else. While i talk to other people about my problems i dont put my problems on other people, in other words i dont walk around half crazy because i have a lot on my mind. To anyone that would see me walking down the street i would look normal, but sometimes in my head i have too much going on.
about a half a year ago i was involved in a car accident. Im ok and the other drivers are ok, but the other drivers were elderly and to be frank its a blessing that they are ok. The crash itself was nothing too horrific but it was not a normal fender bender and there vehicle was tottaled and mine was very close to being tottaled.

I dont want to get too into the legal side, but for the first month i was not at fault, then after attorneys got involved i was found not 100 percent at fault but more then they were.I was looked down upon at the begininng because iam young and had a nice car. The car took me years to get and was basically a "dream" car to me. I was away from home for over a year for work so the car had the lowest insurance you can purchase with no collision. So in a nut shell, i have recieved no money for the damages of my vehicle and will not unless i go the legal route.

Currently it is still going on and that has been the hardest part for me, waking up every morning knowing that this is still not "over" and could take years with insurance companies etc.

I do feel blessed that no one was hurt and i realize because of thier age that it could have been a lot worse. They are claiming now that they are hurt months later and got an attorney ( i already had one).

This whole situation has really taken a toll on me mentally. While i dont feel deeply depressed i feel a lot of anxiety from it. It seems about 5 times a week the whole situation will pop in my head and will ruin a couple hours of my day.

There are so many sides to the situation, i feel bad obviously that the crash happened in the first place, i feel like i just wasted thousand and thousands of dollars because my vehicle is just sitting in a heap and has been for months, i feel angry because i know the accident was not my fault, and i feel that the years it took me to get the car were nothing but a waste now.

I hate to make a big deal over a material thing and money but especially in these times it gives me a lot of anxiety.

At this point im very sick of thinking about it, i know that when it comes to insurance companies it can take a while, and i also know that this is not over yet so maybe the outcome will be good for both parties (or as good as it can be in an accident) but its very hard in a normal day for me to just "let it go" or move on.

With the things i have mentioned, and the feelings and losses that i feel from it i guess my question is, how does one deal with something like this? It seems very hard to just say "well let it go". I mentioned a lot of sides to the situation, none of them are easy to let go.

Many of us have been in accidents but with months and months going by with no results from insurance companies and no idea how it will turn out, its been very hard to deal with.

I feel that i have just taken money and thrown it out the window, along with a vehicle that i worked hard to get and was a very important hobby to me.

Thanks in advance for your input.

Post Edited (P11) : 4/5/2009 8:27:41 AM (GMT-6)

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 4/5/2009 9:37 AM (GMT -6)   
P11 welcome to Healingwell. You will find alot of kind and supportive folks here. I think first you should visit your family doc and let them know about the anxiety about this situation you are feeling. I take Xanax for those times my mind wont stop running over time. I only use it on the really bad times and it really helps. Also, you probably should contact an attorney to help you in this situation regarding the accident. No reason to sit back and take the blame if they can't find you are 100% guilty of this accident. I think a lawyer can help you to get your rights met too, as insurance companies are only out for their bottom line not whats best for their clientele. Good luck!
Gail*Nanners* Co-Moderator for Anxiety/Panic Forum
Been living with Crohn's Disease for 33 years. Currently on Asacol, Prilosec, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain, Zofran, Phenergan, Probiotics, and Calcium and Xanax as needed. Resections in 2002 and 2005. Also diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and Osteoarthritis and Anxiety. Currently my Crohns is in remission.
*Every tomorrow has two handles.  We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle of faith"*

New Member

Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 4/5/2009 9:43 AM (GMT -6)   
Thanks for the reply.

I currently have an attorney and am dealing with all that fun stuff now.

As far as the meds, i do think they would help me but i feel like im completing a puzzle but just havent found all the pieces, in other words, just reading on here or reading a book about anxiety helps me and i have come a long long way since i first started really noticing my anxiety. Im trying to stay away from meds, not because i think they are bad or anything but i have seen progress just by using the tools i have.

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 4/5/2009 9:46 AM (GMT -6)   
If you look in our references thread above you will see a post about the CBT (Moodgym). That seems to have helped alot of our folks out who were trying to avoid medications. But remember the meds are there should you need them. Good luck!
Gail*Nanners* Co-Moderator for Anxiety/Panic Forum
Been living with Crohn's Disease for 33 years. Currently on Asacol, Prilosec, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain, Zofran, Phenergan, Probiotics, and Calcium and Xanax as needed. Resections in 2002 and 2005. Also diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and Osteoarthritis and Anxiety. Currently my Crohns is in remission.
*Every tomorrow has two handles.  We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle of faith"*

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2005
Total Posts : 1768
   Posted 4/5/2009 9:51 AM (GMT -6)   
I so understand what you're going through. I was in an accident 10/07 and it took just under a year for it to all get settled. Until everything was settled, I was an anxious mess. If you knew what would happen in the end, it would be easy. I wasn't driving in the wreck I was in, and I was one of the 2 least injured people of the 6 involved, however, it took a toll on me. The other 2 drivers were drunk, and it still scares me to drive sometimes, imagining that there's another drunk driver out there who might lose control and hit me.

As for the car, my boyfriend was very upset that his car was gone. The car was 8 or 9 years old, and was his first car he had since it was new. He was able to get a new car with the insurance money and help from his parents, but sometimes you have a lot of memories built up in material things. Its not silly of you to be upset about your worked very hard for it. BUT, you can't let that stay on your mind. If you can, start making plans on your next car, and how you will get it. It should help you start moving on.

I agree with Nanners that insurance companies are all about what's best for them, so I'm glad you have an attorney.

Best of luck, and I hope you start your road to recovery soon!

31 yr old female-dx with Crohn's in '97 after emergency resection and appendectomy, 2nd resection '05
Currently on Humira, Prilosec, Effexor, Seroquel, Calcium, Vit D, sublingual B12; phenergan, ultram, clonazepam as needed

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 1952
   Posted 4/5/2009 3:08 PM (GMT -6)   
Welcome, P11!

It's natural to be anxious and stressed over a situation like this. You mention a sense of it not being "over," and I know that's a hard feeling for a lot of us. It's rough waking up each morning feeling off-balance emotionally, or like there's some sword hanging over your head, even when you try to convince yourself that there isn't.

You've found a very caring and supportive place here at HW, and there are indeed lots of resources in the references thread, as Nanners said. The members are great at sharing and helping each other too. I hope things begin to improve for you soon!



Co-Moderator, Anxiety and Panic Forum


DX: Anxiety, Depression, LPR (acid reflux)

Meds: Paxil, Nexium, Zantac

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 4/5/2009 3:54 PM (GMT -6)   

Welcome P11,

I am so glad you found us and I do understand your anxiety. However I am not going to be able to give you much support re the accident as I live in MN and it is a no fault state so anyone from a no fault state will understand where I am coming from.  Your own insurance company covers you as far as any injuries and if you don't have collison well you have to collect from the other drivers insurance if they can be proven to be at fault. 

Also I can not discuss car accidents as I have some prejudice in how I feel so I will keep my mouth closed on that topic.  :) Sorry.

I do know anxiety well, we are old friends. Here is the link for the CBT therapy online,  the MoodGym Training Program:

Do take a look as this program has helped so many on HW that it will help you if you really work hard with it.  It does take a lot of practice.

I am glad to meet you and I hope to get to know you better.

Take care and again a warm welcome.



Kitt, Co-Moderator: Anxiety/Panic & Depression
&  Moderator GERD  Forums

*~* *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 1190
   Posted 4/6/2009 10:43 AM (GMT -6)   
Dear P11,

I’m so glad you came here, and I hope you will continue to post about your feelings and your situation. My heart went out to you when I read your post, as I do understand all too well what it is like to suffer from anxiety, and to have an ongoing legal situation after a stressful and costly experience. I hope you don’t mind if I share my experience with you here, so that I can give you some background info and then tell you how I have learned to cope with it.

I have been in and out of court for what seems like an eternity because of my ex-husband’s misdeeds. I left him and subsequently divorced him because of his violent and abusive behaviour towards me. It was one of the hardest experiences of my life, and there has been some residual stress because of what he has done ‘after the fact’. Since the time that I left, he has sold the business we owned together behind my back and against court orders, and has done who-knows-what with the money (he claimed that he spent it all, but I have my doubts….it was quite a sum of money). He has completely trashed the house that we owned together, so that it is worth virtually nothing and cannot be sold, and this was following another court order to grant sole ownership of the property to me. And, to top it off, he dissolved all of our joint assets without my knowledge or consent and disappeared, leaving me with nothing from our marriage or our co-ownership in business, and also leaving his biological children without child support (and his first wife without any co-parenting support). The authorities have no interest in trying to discover his whereabouts, since he has apparently left the state that we lived in, and also because I am no longer a resident of the U.S. (I left the country for my own personal safety, and to be back where I grew up and would feel the least amount of stress that was possible). I am not in a financial position to fund a search with a private investigator. Furthermore, it is doubtful, given what has already happened, that I will ever see a dime of the hundreds of thousands of dollars that he owes me even if I were to track him down.

As you can imagine, I have struggled greatly with the unfairness of the situation….the lack of control I’ve had, despite winning each and every battle along the way in court……and the financial pressures of trying to pay off joint debts and legal bills (which he was ordered to pay, of course)….not to mention trying to deal with the incredible anxiety and PTSD I had following the violence and emotional abuse of our marriage.

I could not get through this without my wonderful therapist. She has helped me so much, firstly by assisting me in finding ways to ‘compartmentalize’ the stress around each and every court appearance. I understood when I read your post how it feels when the thoughts keep ‘popping up’ and how the stress can totally ruin your day. It has taken a lot of practice, and I still continue to work on it, but I am finally seeing some progress in my ability to ‘flip the switch’ and focus on other things. It is a matter of knowing that each time I have made a phonecall to my lawyer, or made a court appearance, etc., that I have done what I can do for the moment, and I mentally “put it in a box” and set it on the shelf, so to speak.

I also have developed a list of things that I can do to change my focus, whether it be to spend time on a pet project, or to go out for a walk with a friend, work outside in my garden, or go to see a movie or a play (you get my point here!). I used to think that by distracting myself I was ignoring things that needed to be attended to, but I finally learned that by focusing too much on the things that were bothering me, I was robbing myself of any and all enjoyment in my life, and crippling myself in my ability to cope with work or any other day-to-day responsibilities.

I know it’s all too easy for me to say, “put it in a box” or “distract yourself with something enjoyable”, but I promise you, I would not suggest these things if they had not worked for me (with practice and patience). I would also highly recommend that you talk to someone, professionally, and maybe see if you can start some Cognitive behavioural Therapy. I practice this with my therapist, but I also know from the posts on these boards that there is a resource called The Mood Gym, which is a self-help, online CBT program. (Oh, I see Nanners and Kitt have already mentioned it!) It would be worthwhile to look into it, especially if you don’t have access to a counselor right now.

In addition, I have found that relaxation breathing exercises, meditation, and even hypnosis have helped me greatly to decompress and focus on more pleasant things when the negativity is just overwhelming me. Don't hesitate to look into different alternatives to find what is right for you.

By the way, don’t be down on yourself for missing something ‘material’. Yes, money isn’t everything, but I do understand the loss that you feel when you work very hard for something and it is taken away from you. You have a right to grieve that loss, and to recognize the effort you made to achieve something you wanted for yourself. I hope very much that you will be able to move forward and find a way to cope with the stress of your situation. I can tell you, from experience, that it IS possible to find a way out of this. There is nothing that can fully explain why bad things happen to us, but there IS hope and help out there for us to find ourselves again and move into a new and better phase of life. I wish you all the luck in the world, P11, and hope you will come back and tell us how things are going.

Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 341
   Posted 4/6/2009 1:16 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello P11,

As a car lover myself I know how you feel. The work, money, and the touch of perfect to get the car just the way you want. From chrome valve caps to the perfect shifter. Polished rims and avoiding rain to keep it pretty. Ohh I so understand the love for a car! Just the time spent on searching for the perfect vehicle to finding the right air fresheners.

I had my dream car once. Ex hubby (hubby at the time) decided to sell it out from under me. He was a repo man at the time for the finance company I bought it through. I was one day late on my payment he reposed it and sold it that weekend at an auction. It sold for 2k and I had to pay the rest court ordered. I had no shot of getting it back. It was a red mustang convertible. Red velvet interior. Custom rims and a sound system you would only dream of. I had spent thousands of dollars on that car. Worked my butt off for every detail.

Yes I miss my Ruby. But I have my memories which no matter what no one can take that from me. To easy my thoughts and regrets from losing my car. I am now working on rebuilding an 84 camero bernaletta special edition. Even though my stang was taken from me well over 15 years ago. Rebuilding this car has helped a lot. I put extra time and effort into it. And it will be my "Sunday" drive. It has taken 3 years so far but that is ok. I enjoy my time. And it has helped me recover from my lose.

I wish you luck with the courts and getting the closer you need on this situation.

New Member

Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 4/6/2009 4:23 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you so much all of you for your responses, this really is a great place to go for help.

Now that it has been a few days, i do feel better. I try to tell myself that really there is nothing else i can do. Like Raniah said, i have emailed my lawyer and he says he is doing what needs to be done, what else can i do.

I take things very personally when the insurance agent doesnt call for months or when my attorney says he will call monday and i dont hear from him, but i also try to tell myself that there are other things going on that i dont see and the fact is, worrying about it wont end it.

I have had worse things happen to me in my life but to me they were easier to deal with because i knew there was nothing i could do. With a situation like this someone will tell you that they take years to finish sometimes. My question is why? Its hard for me to just follow the heard and say well this is how it is so thats it.

Reading these responses really help me, another funny part of all this is i have no idea what will come from it. As much as i sometimes think negative, there could be something good out of this. I know it has made me a better driver thats for sure.
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