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michelle.g
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 4/21/2009 10:47 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello....I'm new here, My name is Miichelle I'm 40 years old, married with 2 Daughters, I have Muscular dystrophy but don't think thats the cause of my anxiety.
I had my first panic attack in February 2008, maybe I always had a slight degree of anxiety people have always called me highly strung (I stilll don't know what that means) my anxiety is all mainly about my health my fear is dying and leaving my Children without a Mother, I know all Mothers have that fear but, mine is out of control.  I have OCD slightly, I have been through councilling and thought I was cured.....ha-ha I actually believed I was! so I stopped councilling in November.  I had an episode in December Christmas day actually where I made my Husband take me to the hospital because I thought I was bleeding to death internally, I feel guilty about spoiling our Childrens Christmas. I'm affraid to take medication incase it takes away pain from something "real" I think if I take a painkiller for a headache it will dull chest pain and I will miss the warning signs of a heart attack! I'm affraid to take anxiety medications incase I get hooked on it and in the long run it will cause me more problems.  I feak out if I hear about someone dying suddenly, don't want to know about anybodys illnesses because I will convince myself I have it too, I don't want to hear about funerals and force myself not to google pain symptoms because I know where I'll end up....between Feb 08 and Aug 08, I have had (imaginary) eptopic pregnancy, a few heart attacks, closed breathing tube, several cancers, blood clots, aneurysims, shock....these are things I went to the hospital about, I went to my GP for these plus many more ailments such as appendicitus, ovarian cysts ect.
3 weeks ago my anxiety came back its not as bad as before but its getting there, I have chest pain, the sensation my throat is closing, palpertations, a few hot flushes, so far I have managed to calm myself and not run to the hospital but I know its only a matter of days before I need to go there for reassurance, I have an appointment on Tuesday with a Doctor about respitory ailments so I'm hoping I can hold out until then as I know I'll get reassurance for him/her, I had a heart scan last May and that was normal my GP assured me on Monday that I have the heart of a healthy 40 year old....that scan was 11 months ago and now I'm worried something has happened to my heart in those 11 months so I want another heart scan....
My thoughts are constantly on the "what if" what if its not anxiety and theres something really wrong and I'm ignoring it while putting it down to anxiety I've got a responsiblity to my Daughters to be healthy and look after them, am I letting them down?
I feel like I'm getting out of control again, my Husband has been understanding in the past although he always says on our way to the hospital "you know they'll find nothing wrong" but he goes along with me anyway and never once said "I told you so"
 
I'm so relieved to have found this forum.  :-)
Michelle 

michelle.g
New Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 10
   Posted 4/21/2009 11:01 AM (GMT -7)   
Todays respitory appointment went well, nothing serious that needs treatment or medication almost laughed aloud when the Doctor said "nothing to worry about" if only right?...I wonder if anyone else is like me.....If I have something wrong I can deal with it and not worry. Its when I'm told I'm fine I worry, I sometimes wonder if my anxiety comes from trust issues, maybe I don't trust my own judgement when I tell myself I'm fine, the Doctors when they say I'm fine ect. As I mentioned in the previous post I have muscular dystrophy that doesn't phase me at all but a simple low grade headache can terrify me for days...
My Mother died very suddenly in April 2000 (Thursday will be the 9th year anniversary) thats a definate factor in my anxiety I believe, also I have always had a somewhat stressful life up until 2007, when everything settled, financially we became better off, our home finally got finished my both Children were in school, I had more time to myself to relax, a very stressful sibling relationship came to an amicable conclusion. It seems strange that as soon as I have no need for worry and anxiety.....I have worry and anxiety by the bucket full and sometimes feel I can't cope anymore but, outside of my own mind there is nothing for me to worry about.

Sorry for going off on a ramble!....its hard to stop yourself sometimes...lol

Michelle

Green Grove
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2424
   Posted 4/21/2009 3:26 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Michelle,

I'm glad you posted your own thread so more people will be able to give you some good peer support. Are you able to go back to see your therapist again and have you tried CBT? I think I asked you that already, lol. I also hope that after all the tests you have run you will see that you are doing good and maybe your health anxiety will calm down a bit.

Again my condolences for the loss of your mother.

Sam
Anxiety-Panic Forum Co-Moderator


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 4/21/2009 3:42 PM (GMT -7)   

Hey michelle.g

Catchy name and you can post to your heart's content here, vent, laugh, cry or whatever gets you down the road.  We are here to listen and we all have anxiety and panic so we understand and we are here for you my new friend.  Welcome to the family.

I think you have a right to your anxiety but coming here and talking about it will help you to put it down in writing and be able to help keep the "stinkin thinkin" away.

I am Kitt and I have had A & P for 27 years along with depression.  It has slowed me down more then once and crippled me a few times but I refuse to give in to letting anxiety ruin my zest for life.

I see the same spunk in your post.  Remember guilt is a waste emotion and if you did not go to the ER on Christmas how bored the Doctors and nurses would have been just sitting around eating fruitcake and candy canes.  LOL.  I worked in an ER for 26 years.  We always told everyone we were open 24/7 and even on Christmas so I am glad you made use of the services offered.

Keep on talking to us and know we care...............many wonderful hugs to you.

Kitt


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator:
Anxiety/Panic 
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Aries8
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 1015
   Posted 4/22/2009 11:03 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello, Michelle! Everything you discussed is normal for someone with an anxiety/panic disorder. Losing your mother suddenly is no doubt what put you over the edge as far as stress and anxiety. No wonder you're afraid of dying suddenly! I think about that too, sometimes. Then I remember if I die suddenly, I won't know it. So, what's the point in worrying about it?

You need to be in counseling. You probably need medication and/or cognitive behavior therapy as Sam mentioned. I'm not a doctor, but from my experience and the books I've read, you are going through the normal things an anxious person would be feeling. Try to stay in the present and find a doctor that will help you get through this frightening time.
Anxiety Disorder/Mitral Valve Prolapse
 
50 mg. Lopressor, 40 mg. Prozac, Ativan as needed.

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