Just checking in.... Near the end of the semester...

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Celey
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 1284
   Posted 4/22/2009 1:03 PM (GMT -7)   
It's getting pretty busy... The stress I mentioned from the last time when I was here has not let up obviously...

I've been feeling depressed off and on... My health has been doing pretty well, minor incidents every now and then... I'm just tired all the time (it's really interfering with my schoolwork and my mental state)... I get enough sleep... more than enough sleep on multiple occasions (I practically slept through an entire day once... 14 hours total...)... but I'm still tired....

There's some bit of good news I'd like to share.... I recently spoke at a "Scholarship Ball" about how a scholarship had been vital for me to attend college and how I probably wouldn't have otherwise been able to... I talked about some of the obstacles I've faced in my life.... I cried... It was really emotional (didn't expect it to be so emotional)...

But the important thing is, I inspired people to donate money for future scholarships for future students in need... That really gave me a good feeling... and a lot of people thanked me personally for sharing my story... I really felt good...

Usually, I can take something like that and ride on it for at least a month or two... But... I guess maybe it was the nature of the speech.... bringing all of that stuff to the forefront of my mind.... It really got to me...


It's so hard... I think... I have a lot of issues that I've never really worked out.... I simply push them to the side and push them to the side, so that I can get along in my life... Even when I admitted myself to a Stress Center... it only took care of the immediate issues and got me on the medication, so I can simply push other stuff to the side and get along in my life....

I dunno if I'll ever be able to get over these issues...
I think I am being picked on by life, sometimes. But's that okay. Life and I are good buddies... I know life doesn't mean no harm. It just is the way it is. I can accept that.


Nanners
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 4/22/2009 1:37 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey Celey,

(((BIG HUGS))) to my favorite college student!!! As far as the fatigue, have you had any blood tests run lately? The reason I ask is I am wondering if you might be anemic, or possibly maybe your B12 or vitamin D might be low. You might want to talk to your doc about that. By the way the fatigue can really contribute to the depression.

I think that is awesome about your speech. I think you helped alot of people see that there are folks just like you who through no fault of their own, cannot afford to attend college without some type of scholarship or financial help. Just think, you may have helped some young person such as yourself fulfill their dream of going to college. You should be very proud of yourself, I know I am proud of you:)

I think you are an amazing young lady, who has her head straight on her shoulders. I wonder if you might be putting too much pressure or expectations on yourself. Maybe you can get in to see your therapist and talk out your feelings with him/her. Sending healing thoughts and prayers your way.

Hugs
Gail *Nanners*
Gail*Nanners* Co-Moderator for Anxiety/Panic Forum
Been living with Crohn's Disease for 33 years. Currently on Asacol, Prilosec, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain, Zofran, Phenergan, Probiotics, and Calcium and Xanax as needed. Resections in 2002 and 2005. Also diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and Osteoarthritis and Anxiety. Currently my Crohns is in remission.
*Every tomorrow has two handles.  We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle of faith"*

Celey
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 1284
   Posted 4/22/2009 2:05 PM (GMT -7)   
I know I'm due for another blood test... I really ought to get my blood taken more regularly than I do (on the account that I'm taking Imuran) but it's difficult... transportation issues, feeling tired all the time (and consequently spending a lot of time in bed or just kind of spacing out because I can't concentrate on anything), and being a college student... gotta schedule my time around classes... made an appointment not too long ago... for the doctor... It'll be this coming Tuesday....

It'd probably help if I got more food in me... (Finally get to go grocery shopping tomorrow... yay! Food!)

As for pressure and expectations... I just don't know... I really don't think there's any standard for me to compare to... because I've been through a lot in my life.... it's amazing I've gotten as far as I have (couldn't have done it without the help of caring people such as teachers, those on the Healing Well forum, and others)...

When I think about it... Most of what I've seen... has been extremes.... Someone goes through a lot in their life... and they go down a path of complete destruction, hurting themselves and sometimes hurting others in the process... Or they do the exact opposite.... overcome adversity and go on to be great people who contribute something important to society....

Obviously, I want to be the latter and want nothing to do with the former... And so far, I think I am doing pretty well at that... I'm in college... I don't do drugs or alcohol... I try to participate in college events... I try to be a good, friendly person over all...

I guess a part of me is afraid that I'll fall by the way side... just kind of disappear... Not go on a path of destruction... but.... not become the person I really want to be...

I think... at the moment... there's something else I'm afraid of as well.... My life, as far as my environment goes... is pretty stable... I'm not completely surrounded by people who abuse alcohol and do drugs on a regular basis.... I have trouble getting to the grocery store... but at least most of the time I have than not (which is different than one particular point in my life where the only time I got to eat was at school).... There's no fighting or screaming... Everything's really stable...

But I'm afraid... I'm really, really scared deep down... It's kind of like with my Crohn's disease... I have this mind-set where I'm just thinking of.... "When?" In this case.... "When is my life going to take a turn for the worse again? When are things going to get bad? When? When?" I can't escape it... If I let my guard down and things turn bad... I won't be prepared, and it will really hurt me...
I think I am being picked on by life, sometimes. But's that okay. Life and I are good buddies... I know life doesn't mean no harm. It just is the way it is. I can accept that.


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 4/22/2009 2:35 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey Celey,
 
Yeeeeeeeehaaaaaaa, and yipppppeeeeeeeeee, you spoke at a Scholarship Ball, and look at the great results.  I am so proud of you. I would have died of fright, literally.  You are awesome.  Really awesome.
 
I am sorry your feeling tired all the time and I do know how that feels as anxiety and depression can zap you and then add a medical issue on top of it is the recipe for extreme fatigue.
 
I am very happy that you have come home to HW and shared with us as you are family here and we care.  I would feel you more if I was there as no matter how stressed I get I always manage to find the food.
 
Please know we are here for you and that we support you and love you my friend.
 
Big Hugs and stay strong.
 
Kitt
 

Kitt, Co-Moderator:
Anxiety/Panic 
Co-Moderator Depression
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Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


Aries8
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 1015
   Posted 4/23/2009 10:32 AM (GMT -7)   
Celey, relax. Your life may be quiet and normal for a long tiime to come. Don't ruin it by worrying and wondering when things will take a turn for the worse. Enjoy the "up" time and remember you deserve it!

Congrats on your speech! It sounds like the experience was good for you and your audience. You should be very proud! Everything seems to be coming together. Just sit back, enjoy, and take care of yourself.
Anxiety Disorder/Mitral Valve Prolapse
 
50 mg. Lopressor, 40 mg. Prozac, Ativan as needed.


Nanners
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 4/23/2009 12:24 PM (GMT -7)   
You know Celey the Imuran could be contributing to your fatigue. I think you should try to get in soon and get your bloods checked, better safe than sorry.

I agree with Aries, lets not make problems where there aren't any. Try to take one day at a time, and not worry about the what if's of tommorrow. That is what I always try to do. Why worry about tomorrow, today has enough worries of its own.

I too am glad that you feel you can count on us. I really do care about you Celey. I think if Kitt and I lived closed to you, you would be one spoiled girl and would probably get fat with us mothering and feeding you:)

Hugs,
Gail *Nanners*
Gail*Nanners* Co-Moderator for Anxiety/Panic Forum
Been living with Crohn's Disease for 33 years. Currently on Asacol, Prilosec, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain, Zofran, Phenergan, Probiotics, and Calcium and Xanax as needed. Resections in 2002 and 2005. Also diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and Osteoarthritis and Anxiety. Currently my Crohns is in remission.
*Every tomorrow has two handles.  We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle of faith"*

Mazfire
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1683
   Posted 4/23/2009 3:47 PM (GMT -7)   

(((((((((((Celey)))))))))))) congrats on the public speaking and kicking butt! i hope you feel better soon, i remember how awful studying at college was when i was under the weather- study takes a huge toll on the body, but as you know, its worth it!

feel better,

Maz XX


            'He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.' (Psalm 147:3)                  
 
Panic Disorder, Agoraphobia, CFS, Fibromyalgia, Chronic Sinusitis, TMJ disorder, Endometriosis, PCOS, Chronic E.N.T and Upper respiratory tract infections, Reactive Arthritis, GERD,  IBS, Glandular fever, Migraines, Anemia, Chemical/Noise/Light sensitivity, Trichotilomania, PTSD, Seasonal Mood  Disorder, OCD, Benign Vertigo,  Impaired immune system. Tachycardia, tinnitus, low clotting factor= bruising. Tendonitis, Bursitis.
Meds: Zoloft 150mg. Xanax 4mg. Celebrex. Mobic. Panadeine Forte. Digesic. Nexium. Phenergan.
Multiple surgeries- I bear the scars of my poor physical health.
Age:28. AP first DX @ 10. Fibro etc DX @14. Proud Aussie.
 
 

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