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dixibella
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 161
   Posted 5/1/2009 2:27 AM (GMT -7)   
That I can make it through my entire "scary" trip away, 2 flights, delays, new people/situation, totally out of my comfort zone without a panic attack but when I get home in my safety net where I know I'm "OK" I suddenly am plagued with anxiety and wake up having PAs again. I'm home now I'm not supposed to be nervous! I woke up this morning with my left arm completely numb, its still kinda tingly and weird. I know its just my shoulder issue flaring up for whatever reason but it of course causes me to go through the whole "oh god what's wrong with me?" list and I am jittery and can't sleep. I feel so out of it and my husband has already left for work. I just want to call him and have him come home and be with me. I know that's not an option really but I hate being alone when I feel like this. Its also not helping that I just found out that a guy I knew from a few years back through my roommate at the time just passed away out of the blue at 35 for no apparent reason. He wasn't a close friend but we hung out on vacation a couple of times and he was a real sweetheart and so young I just am having a hard time even thinking about it. I know this is probably a normal response but I just wish I could deal with it a little better than freaking out and having a panic attack and not being able to sleep and recover from my trip.

Nanners
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 5/1/2009 6:40 AM (GMT -7)   
I think what happened is you held it all together while you were on your trip, then when you got home you let go and the a/p flared up. Know that you are at home and SAFE now and that nothing is going to happen to you. Try to take some deep breaths and try to relax some. Sending healing thoughts and prayers your way.

Hugs
Gail *Nanners*
Gail*Nanners* Co-Moderator for Anxiety/Panic Forum
Been living with Crohn's Disease for 33 years. Currently on Asacol, Prilosec, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain, Zofran, Phenergan, Probiotics, and Calcium and Xanax as needed. Resections in 2002 and 2005. Also diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and Osteoarthritis and Anxiety. Currently my Crohns is in remission.
*Every tomorrow has two handles.  We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle of faith"*

Junebug05
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 717
   Posted 5/1/2009 9:36 AM (GMT -7)   
dixibella,
 
I'm sorry that you are struggling right now.  It's not easy to be able to take an enormous step by going on your trip and handling it very well only to have it all unravel again when you get home.  I read in a Claire Weekes book years ago that that is pretty typical with p/a since we spend so much time and deal with the p/a at home every day.  When we go on vacation, we are away from the same routines, thoughts and memories of the p/a.  When you're on vacation you are in a totally different place with new things to see and do, you break your typical schedule and you have no memories of p/a tied to the new place you are at.  When you come home, it's back to the same old same old of life and p/a is a part of that home life.  Hope that makes sense, I couldn't find the book to copy her exact words, so just had to wing it.
 
You hang in there, know that what you are feeling is just anxiety and it cannot hurt you.  You will settle in again and I hope you feel better soon!

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 5/1/2009 3:42 PM (GMT -7)   

Dixi,

My Doctor told me many years ago I bottle up my anxiety and depression and then have mini meltdowns where I let off a little steam. I think he thought I was a volcano :)

His theory was I would eventually end up have the big meltdowns which I have had several times. So now I try to let out the anxiety and then let go of it.  Sometimes it works and sometimes not but it is worth a try.
 
Please do not beat yourself up............you are never a failure.
 
I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your friend.  35 is a shockingly young age to just die and you have a right to feel sad and upset by this news.  You are in my prayers and do keep talking to us.
 
I am here for you, Dixi.  ((((((((((HUGS))))))))))
 
I wish you peace,
Kitt
 

Kitt, Co-Moderator:
Anxiety/Panic 
Co-Moderator Depression
  Forums
Moderator: GERD/Heartburn
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


bojalaisgirl
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 47
   Posted 5/3/2009 8:29 PM (GMT -7)   
I feel you pain and unfortunately your anxiety too! I have had most of may family pass many at a young age. My brother just died last month and I always think i am going next. It triggers attacks that mimick heart attacks and I totally freak out. i am 41 myself and have turned into a fanatic about taking care of myself. You are so lucky to have someone you love close, my boyfriend has not yet joined me in the move and I have been here all alone.
Last week it was so bad I almost called him to leave his job and just move all ready but I know I have to learn to be strong on my own. The chat rooms here have helped me alot. i leave my computer on tp the site all nite in case I have to jump on to help me through an attack. The most unnerving for me is the randomness of them. Just when I think I am fine it happens. I have realized that I dont have them through the high stress situation I have them after, like a delayed reaction. So I figure at this point I need to purge the expeience and let my stress out because if I don't my body apparently has a mind of it's own and it will cause panic. Good luck with things hang in there!

dixibella
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 161
   Posted 5/4/2009 4:06 AM (GMT -7)   
It is definitely a delayed reaction, for sure. I know I am a bottler and I tend to take my time processing things that happen. That is how I had my really bad episode a few years back after just a horrible 6 months of bad things happening and never really letting myself deal with them. I suppose this is the same, I did try to let myself be as relaxed as possible but I am paying for it bigtime now. I have only had 1 good night of sleep since I got back and even with that I couldn't get more than 6 or so hours... and I'm not a person who can function well on less than 8hrs of sleep. Thanks all for the reassuring messages, its good to know I'm not the only bottler here!

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 5/4/2009 6:40 AM (GMT -7)   

Dixi,

You have joined a whole group of "Bottlers".  :) That is what we do well.  We keep our worries bottled up inside and try to handle the world on our own because we are tough and we don't want to be a bother to others............well this is where we get to let it all out and ask for help so you just keep talking to us.

Vent away and do not worry, we will not judge.  We will however support you.

Hugs
Kitt


 

Kitt, Co-Moderator:
Anxiety/Panic 
Co-Moderator Depression
  Forums
Moderator: GERD/Heartburn
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Peace does not dwell in outward things, but within the soul
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


percycat
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 1952
   Posted 5/5/2009 7:11 AM (GMT -7)   
Dixi,

Your post really hit home for me. I'm so predictable with my bottling that my doctor knows to increase my meds at certain times of the year. It's really odd that during the most hectic times of my work, I get along okay enough, but during the summer months when our client schedule is much lighter, I start having more and more trouble with anxiety.

I forget, but do you take medications, do therapy, or practice any relaxation techniques for your anxiety? Those things have helped a lot of different members on the forum. Posting and sharing are also a lifeline sometimes, so post away!

Hugs to you,
percycat

Percy/Percycat

Co-Moderator, Anxiety and Panic Forum

 

DX: Anxiety, Depression, LPR (acid reflux)

Meds: Paxil, Nexium, Zantac

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