mental illness and relationships... some advice?

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sony_intern4ps3
New Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 5/9/2009 12:29 PM (GMT -7)   
hello, I'm new here. I happen to find this site..
I have a lot of problem coping with my mental health and my roommate..
We seem to be friends, but when I try to explain what is happening to me,
she seems to never understand.. I realize she can't meet all of my demands..
and I don't expect her to, but sometimes, I ask her to help me by not doing
things that really bother me. I realize it is my responsibility to get better and
not allow things to bother me.. but it is really hard and I have just began treatment..
We planned to go to a movie together, but she made plans after we decided to go.
I tried to tell her that I really wanted to go with her, but she told me she didn't want to.
Beforehand, I have tried many times to tell her not to do this to me. I told her to
try not to make promises or commitments if she really didn't want to do it or she should
warn me that she isn't going to do it before the time comes to go. I try to tell her that
to most people, it would bother them, but it can be really dangerous for me. Most
people might get upset and feel bad for a while and get over it.. but it stays with me
until I can find a way to relieve the pain. I don't know how to get through to her.
I feel like I have to say something really outrageous to get her to kind of understand,
like when you break our plans, I could hurt myself. What would you say to her?
I feel like I have to stay away from her until I can find ways to cope. My other friend
kind of understands my situation and she will explain to me why she does things the
way she does like I can't go to the movie because I have to take my Mom somewhere..
I don't think this is a unreasonable request.... I understand that things go wrong and
we never know what will happen... I just don't understand why she
doesn't explain to me when she has the opportunity to or why she says false things to me
cry cry

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 5/9/2009 1:04 PM (GMT -7)   

Hello and welcome,

Your friend that is causing you the issues does not sound like much of a friend and certainly this person is not being consistent in trying to help you.

Is there a reason why you have to be room mates..............are you in school or what?  A Little more info re the relationship might help. :)

If this is just a friend, then I would choose to extract myself from this relationship and threatening this person with harming yourself is not responsible on your behalf.  Sorry.

You cannot control other people, you can only control yourself.

Sorry to hear you are feeling so down about this situation.

Kitt


 

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sony_intern4ps3
New Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 5/9/2009 4:34 PM (GMT -7)   
thanks.. I know it isn't right to threaten.. that is just what i thought..
I don't actually say that. I just don't know what to say. I feel like that
is what will come out if I do say something without thinking about it..
I just don't know what to tell her... I don't know what else I need to
add to make it understandable... I guess I should just give space to
those people. I just wish I could make it work.

Nanners
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 5/10/2009 8:02 AM (GMT -7)   
Are you seeing a therapist at all? I really think you need to get in with a therapist and talk about your anxiety and possibly get some tools to help you. I think you need to stop your expections of your friend behaving in a manner you want. I would just keep this person as a roommate and find real friends who will really be there for you and be a true friend.

Hugs
Gail *Nanners*
Gail*Nanners* Co-Moderator for Anxiety/Panic Forum
Been living with Crohn's Disease for 33 years. Currently on Asacol, Prilosec, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain, Zofran, Phenergan, Probiotics, and Calcium and Xanax as needed. Resections in 2002 and 2005. Also diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and Osteoarthritis and Anxiety. Currently my Crohns is in remission.
*Every tomorrow has two handles.  We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle of faith"*

sony_intern4ps3
New Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 5/11/2009 7:35 AM (GMT -7)   
thanks for your reply also.
I am seeing a therapist, but it is very hard to talk to them.
I think they are very nice and are helpful, but I don't know
what to say to them. It is easier for me to talk when I am
on the internet versus in person. Does anyone know or
recommend any online therapy websites?

P-Fit
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 419
   Posted 5/11/2009 10:30 AM (GMT -7)   
IMHO I think face to face is a must. There is a level of accountability that is lacking in any online interaction. It may be anxiety producing at first, but it can be healing in the long run. Maybe you should look for another therapist that you feel comfortable with. I had to go through a couple before I found my current therapist. Good Luck.
sony_intern4ps3 said...
thanks for your reply also.
I am seeing a therapist, but it is very hard to talk to them.
I think they are very nice and are helpful, but I don't know
what to say to them. It is easier for me to talk when I am
on the internet versus in person. Does anyone know or
recommend any online therapy websites?

Dee-39yrs old wife and mom of 3 boys
UC/PTSD/Panic Disorder/Depression/myofacial pain syndrome 2009-750mg colozal/.750mg clonazepam, 5mg Lexapro-1,000mg canasa/Fioricet/Prilosec OTC-2x daily, Triple Strength Fish Oils/Colonoscopies-4
 

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