Brokenhearted and so anxious

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Junebug05
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 717
   Posted 5/14/2009 5:09 PM (GMT -7)   
I had to take my little Buster dog to the vet today as he has had problems breathing the last few days.  My anxiety is through the roof because I'm so worried about him all the time and that on top of my husband being kind of a jerk because he quit smoking, it's been very tough.  Anyway, went to the vet, was more anxious than I've been in a long time, but I knew that it was the right thing to do for my dog.  I was told that Buster has congestive heart failure.  My heart is broken.  Buster is my best friend in the world, he has been with me through alot of the panic garbage and is always such a comfort to me.  I cannot imagine a day without him here with me.  I spend alot of time at home alone with him, so his absence will be felt terribly.  The vet could not tell me how long he has, he put him on some meds to make him more comfortable, but there will come a time soon when we will have to make the decision to put him down and I don't know how to do that.  How do I possibly let him go?  I'm terrified of what will happen to me p/a wise when he is not here and I'm missing him and hurting.  I feel so lost.

bojalaisgirl
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 47
   Posted 5/14/2009 5:36 PM (GMT -7)   
junebug- I am constantly amazed by all the people I can relate too. The first sign of the attacks cominb back was llast memorial weekend. My dog Sam on friday was sick and not keeping anything down, Thought not
hing of it as I had the stomach bug and assumed he did too. By Sunday night I knew! He was soooo sick and I had a panic attack because I knew I was going to have to put him down. Sure enough Tuesday I did. He was a faithful companion for 14 years! It was a tough loss that I still feel. I always have the most trouble with the loss. I try and always be grateful for the shoret but amazing relationships that I have had . My prayers are with you and take care. It will be okay.

vestabula
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 2855
   Posted 5/14/2009 6:36 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Junebug,
 
My dalmation Vesta is 18 years old and been in congestive heart faliure for four years....maybe even longer.  We thought the cough she had was allergies but it was fluid from around her heart pressing on her trachea.  We took her to the vet about three months ago thinking he was going to say she had to be put down.  I cried for days before the appointment, as she is my comfort and best friend.  But after xrays and other blood work that was perfect, we put her on a diuretic and she is still with us.  Of course, there are daily accidents because she can't get to the door fast enough.  I know she is old and probably won't be with us for much longer but just wanted to tell you your Buster can live with congestive heart failure if he is on his medication and it isn't automatically a death sentence..at least in our case.  I know how you feel.  I dread The Day.  I am thinking of you and sending you cyber hugs.  People that don't have pets in there lives don't know how wonderful a dog kiss can be.
 
Hugs
Donna
fibro, menieres disease, RLS, anxiety disorder, disc compression, scoliosis, spinal stenosis TMJ  Meds: Lexapro and valium


Aries8
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 1015
   Posted 5/14/2009 8:27 PM (GMT -7)   
Aaawww, my little heart is breaking. I have a dog that will be 2 in June. We just love Corey. Such a loving, happy pet. I'm so sorry that you guys have had to deal with these problems with your pets! I'll be thinking about all of you....
Anxiety Disorder
 
60 mg. Prozac, Ativan as needed.


Allestaria
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 341
   Posted 5/14/2009 11:22 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Junebug,

I'm sorry you have having to deal with this. And poor Buster also. I had lost a dog to heart failure several years ago. He was my baby. I used to sit on the steps and night and he would lay with me and watch the stars. I miss my Charlie. I even taught him how to climb up me so I didn't have to bend over to pick him up. I miss him very much.

Through out my life I have had several pets. And I am talking the amount closing in on 100. My mom ran a kennel at one point we had over 27 dogs. And 20+ cats.

Anyway just recently we lost a kitten who we named Ninja. A pure black cat. Not a spec of white on her. She was the true ninja. lol Stealing hugs and kisses. She had a heart valve that was not normal. It spread across her chest and would crush her lungs when she ate. The food would get blocked my the valve and she would throw up her food because it would choke her since it didn't reach her stomach. She lived for 2 months without us knowing because mom was feeding her. And liquids could pass.
It broke my sons heart for days.

When my dog Snickers had to have a breast tumor removed. I had to let her stay with my mom to recover. When we went and picked her up from the vet I had a MAJOR anxiety attack. I almost passed out in the back seat sitting with her. I felt horrible the whole ride home.

I know it is very hard to lose a loved one. A companion, confidant, a part of our lives. And no matter how hard we try to prepare it just isn't enough.
I wish you strength in dealing with this and doing what is best for your little baby.

(((hugs)))

LDH85
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 25
   Posted 5/15/2009 2:33 AM (GMT -7)   
Junebug - I'm sorry to hear about your dog :( Animals that we're close to can be great companions & so therapeutic to us.

((Hugs))

Nanners
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 5/15/2009 6:22 AM (GMT -7)   
Junebug so sorry to hear about your dog. Sending BIG HUGS your way.

Gail *Nanners*
Gail*Nanners* Co-Moderator for Anxiety/Panic Forum
Been living with Crohn's Disease for 33 years. Currently on Asacol, Prilosec, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain, Zofran, Phenergan, Probiotics, and Calcium and Xanax as needed. Resections in 2002 and 2005. Also diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and Osteoarthritis and Anxiety. Currently my Crohns is in remission.
*Every tomorrow has two handles.  We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle of faith"*

Junebug05
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 717
   Posted 5/15/2009 8:17 AM (GMT -7)   
I am completely broken.  My best friend, my sweet boy, passed away in my arms this morning in the car on the way to the vet.  I was up all night with him because he was having trouble breathing, I held him and petted him as much as he would allow.  This morning we called the vet and left the house to take him in to see why he was having trouble breathing.  We got about 1/2 mile from the vet and he laid his sweet little head on my arm and passed.  I am grateful that he went peacefully and that I was holding him and that we were in the car, one of his favorite places to be and that he passed before we arrived at the vet's as Buster hated it there and was always so scared when we took him.  Buster was my best friend in the world, he followed me everywhere, I called him my velcro boy.  I spent so much time here just him and me especially when I was agoraphobic, and he always knew when I needed him and was always there to cuddle with me.  Now the house seems empty, he is everywhere I look and yet nowhere.  I don't know what to do, I don't know how to handle the pain.  I already miss my boy so much and it's only going to get worse as it sinks in. 

vestabula
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 2855
   Posted 5/15/2009 8:34 AM (GMT -7)   

Oh junebug...I am so so sorry.  Maybe there is a bit of comfort that he died in your arms.  I pray that happens when Vesta goes as she starts shaking the minute we pull into vets parking lot.  I know how sad you are.  Our pets are family members.  I am thinking of you and sending you hugs and love.  Buster isn't suffering anymore and his spirit will always be with you.

 

Donna


fibro, menieres disease, RLS, anxiety disorder, disc compression, scoliosis, spinal stenosis TMJ  Meds: Lexapro and valium


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 5/15/2009 2:25 PM (GMT -7)   

Junebug,

I am so sorry for you loss and I know how much your pet meant to you.  I have had to put my oldest Doberman to sleep about 3 weeks ago so I understand you pain.

Genlte hugs to you my dear lady,

Love

Kitt


Junebug05
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 717
   Posted 5/16/2009 7:17 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you all.  The saddness right now is overwhelming and I keep looking for him in all of his usual places, but he's not there and that starts the tears again.  Last night was so difficult as I haven't slept without him by my side once in almost 11 years, he didn't like to be alone, so I never left him for a single night.  It was so hard to get into bed and see that empty spot where his soft, little furry body should have been.  I woke up several times during the night to listen for his breathing which has become a habit since he's had the cough, and when I remembered what happened my heart just dropped again.  I know it will just take time, so I just endure the pain and will try not to dwell too much, but it just hurts so much and I miss him more than I ever imagined.
 
Kitt,  I'm so sorry about your dog, I didn't know about that.  You have been through so much and my heart breaks for your losses.  Your strength is an inspiration to me, and hopefully I wll find my way through this as well.  I get so scared, as I've never know if my reactions are "normal" in any given situation and I'm always afraid that I'll have a setback and lose all of the positive groung I've covered.  I don't have alot of experience with grief, my Dad died over 15 years ago and shortly after his death I became agoraphbic for 2 years, so that fear is always in the back of my mind.  Buster's death is harder in ways, because he was my constant companion and best friend, we were rarely apart and he was always here when I got anxious, so I guess I'm feeling a little lost as to how to live without him and afraid to be alone. 
 
Thank you all again.

Nanners
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 5/16/2009 8:43 AM (GMT -7)   
Awww Junebug I am so sorry to hear that Buster passed. Please know that I will definetly keep you in my prayers. Our pets are part of our family, and when we lose them it is like losing a family member. Please allow yourself to grieve. It will get better in time, I promise.

Big Hugs,
Gail *Nanners*
Gail*Nanners* Co-Moderator for Anxiety/Panic Forum
Been living with Crohn's Disease for 33 years. Currently on Asacol, Prilosec, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain, Zofran, Phenergan, Probiotics, and Calcium and Xanax as needed. Resections in 2002 and 2005. Also diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and Osteoarthritis and Anxiety. Currently my Crohns is in remission.
*Every tomorrow has two handles.  We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle of faith"*

Celey
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 1284
   Posted 5/16/2009 8:47 PM (GMT -7)   
:(... I'm sorry for your loss... You have to allow yourself to go through the grieving process... Like everyone has said, we can get so attached to our pets that they become members of the family... And it hurts when they leave us.... When my Buttons passed away, it took time for me to recover... Even now, I still feel a little sad thinking about him... but we learn eventually to move on... *Hugs* It just takes time... Give yourself that time...
I think I am being picked on by life, sometimes. But's that okay. Life and I are good buddies... I know life doesn't mean no harm. It just is the way it is. I can accept that.


Junebug05
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 717
   Posted 5/26/2009 8:15 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you all so much for your words of comfort and I'm sorry that this is bringing back the pain of loss for so many.  I'm not doing well at all.  I'm overwhelmed by pain, the thought of him never coming home again just takes my breath away.  I miss having him next to me, miss his big brown eyes, his soft fur, holding him and his puppy kisses.  It's just to much to bear.  We had him cremated and picked up his ashes on Friday, I stood and sobbed in the vet office when they brought out the box with his ashes.  The vet tech there has always loved Buster and she did such a wonderful, special thing for me that made me just lose it completely, she made an ink print of buster's little paw.  My husband had to literally lead me out of the building as I was so broken up. 
,
My husband has only worked 2 and 1/2 days since we lost Buster, and this will be the first week that I'll be alone in the house without him.  My husband at least kept my mind occupied and we went out and did things to keep busy.  I'm already feeling miserable this morning and don't know how to pull myself out of it.  I know that I need to learn to accept the new normal here and learn to live, but I honestly just want to curl up in bed and stay there.  I'm not, but I'd like too.  I think it's all just sinking in that he's really gone and is not coming back and facing that for me is just too enormous.
 
My anxiety is getting worse as well.  I've always been scared that I would lose all the progress I've made when I lost Buster, and I'm so afraid of that now, afraid I'll become agoraphobic again like after my Dad died.  Sorry this is so long, I appreciate everyone listening, it's just been such a hard time and I feel so alone.

vestabula
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 2855
   Posted 5/27/2009 4:23 PM (GMT -7)   

I wrote to you on my post but just want to tell you I am thinking of you and know how badly you feel.  Please take care, my love, and know that we will both get through this.  We have to pick up Vesta's ashes next week.  I hope it helps....don't know.

hugs

Donna


fibro, menieres disease, RLS, anxiety disorder, disc compression, scoliosis, spinal stenosis TMJ  Meds: Lexapro and valium

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