Need to get this out there.

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skibaboo
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 49
   Posted 5/31/2009 12:19 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello. I'm not new to healingwell but I am more of a reader than a poster. I frequent the Crohns forum the most as I've had CD since I was 12, I'm now 37.
 
Anyway sorry if I may go on a bit but I need to get this out and see if anybody can offer some advice. 
 
My anxiety problems stem back to 1997 when I had my ileostomy, the op was just 1 week after I found my nan dead. I suffered for a whole year after that before I realised what was going on. I've suffered off and on since then. I seem to have gone through periods of anxiety mostly when my health has not been good. I have had long periods of good health and I've not had to take any meds for my anxiety. I always found talking it through with my hubby helped.
 
I had a upper GI problem in 2004 and had a endoscopy which reveled a bit of mild gastritis in the lower part of my stomach, this cleared up after about 6 months. 
 
Then December 06 I started have more problems, mainly acid reflux. Not heartburn but a feeling of acid burning my throat mouth and tongue. At this time I started suffering from increased anxiety, I feared I would always have this rotten reflux, it lasted for months. I'm pretty sure the anxiety made it worse. My doctor put me on lansasprazole last year and steadily it improved but it would come back occasionaly and I'd worry again. When I had a hospital appointment in December of last year I told my Doctor my worries, I was hoping for another endo to put my mind at ease but he told me my symptoms were not serious and my blood tests were ok and the endo I had in 04 was clear of anything worrying so I should try and not worry. To be honest it worked and my reflux was mild to non existent over Christmas and new year.
 
Things were looking better. I did still get anxiety and the odd panic attack but when I'm feeling well in myself I find I can cope better.
 
January 16th 2009. I found my Mum collapsed on the floor. She didn't answer her phone so I went over to her flat, the curtains were drawn. I got this awful feeling, this was identical to how it happened with my nan. My mum had suffered a stroke, a bleed. It was such a huge shock. She'd been on the floor for 12 hours since the night before. My Mum is 72 and very healthy, my dad has disability's, Mum is his carer so things have been very tough. I honestly thought I wouldn't cope when it happened, but I was very proud of myself that I got through it. My Dad is in permanent residential care now, he has dementia and severe mobility issues.
 
Mum was in hospital for 16 weeks, she is paralysed down her left side, she's left handed which is a shame. Fortunately it hasn't effected her mental health too bad, her speech is ok and she's doing well. She's currently in a respite home whilst her flat is adapted for her needs.
 
Now that's the back history of my problems. I know it's perfectly reasonable for me to be effected by what I've gone through and usually I'd use that knowledge to get me through a rough patch but I am really struggling.
 
The whole time My Mum was in hospital I never suffered from any reflux, I could eat anything. I even had mexican a couple of times! Yes I had a few panic attacks, but mainly when I went to the hospital to visit, I am petrified of the hospital. Even though I have been hundreds of times! But these last couple of weeks I've had a terrible time. I do have an elder brother, 15 years my senior, but he works a lot and I don't so my hubby and I have had most of the responsibilities heaped on us. I literally feel broken at times, just able to cry and nothing else.
 
These last few days I've had a scary chest pain and a lot of wind, the pain is right between my breats and lasts a few minutes then moves to my back. It is also tender to touch between my breasts. It has happened mid afternoon these last few days and has scared me stupid. I really though I was going to die. Thing is when I ate something it passed. When I have been active, doing laudry I have had no pain, so I do doubt it's my heart but try telling my over active imagination that! I really am petrified that one day I will just drop dead. I get a tightness across my collar bone and up into my neck too, but not at the same time as the pain. (I have had this a lot in the past too) Also a feeling of tingly skin on my arms and they feel like I have excess fluid? my rings feel tight and my palms are sweaty. This latest episode all started when I started feeling better after a really bad head cold and cough.
 
I still haven't had the same acid reflux but I do get a morning sore chest and wind.
 
I'm sorry if I've gone on a lot or if I've posted this in the wrong place, but my hubby is fed up of my moaning and I really do need someone to talk this through with, I don't have any friends really.
 
I have a busy week ahead, we have a meeting with the social worker on Wednesday about Mum coming home. I'm also looking after my Mum's flat and her cat, I feel so guilty I've not seen my dad for weeks, he's at a home miles away and we haven't had the money nor the time to see him since he first went there. My brother hasn't been at all. I do ring and check on him and he's OK, I suppose it helps he has a 15 minute memory but I still feel terribly guilty.
 
Again sorry for the long winded post but I hope just getting this down on err not paper but you know what.... anyway I'm hoping just writing this and reading it back will help. And if anybody can offer any advice I really appreciate it. 
 
Thank you
Gill xx
"Wherever you may be let your wind go free, church or chapel, let it rattle."


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 5/31/2009 4:41 PM (GMT -7)   
Gill
 
Welcome to the A & P Forum.  You have been through a lot and you have GERD besides Crohns so there you go my friend.  You have anxiety due to your medical conditions as well as you  situational position right now. Just my 2 cents worth.  rolleyes
 
I would really like to see you talk with your GI physician about your abdominal distress.  You may have a ulcer or it could be the GERD but I am not a professional. 
 
It feels to me like you have Anticipatory Anxiety, which I have.  My hubby has Crohns, I have A & P, Depression, GERD and a couple of other minor things.......skin cancer that is watched closely and removed ASAP.

Anticipatory anxiety is where a person experiences increased levels of anxiety by thinking about an event or situation in the future. The worries you experience specifically focus on what you think might happen, often with catastrophic predictions about the event.

Why do we experience anticipatory anxiety? I think it’s because the panic response is over-zealous about doing its job: trying to locate any danger, in order to protect us. When it can’t find any danger in the present, it looks into the future. Sometimes, the only possible “danger” it can find is something you haven't done yet!

In your case it is the fear of the unknown, the what ifs?

It's really important for myself to be able to stay in the moment. I have found that by avoiding things like dwelling on past or worrying about the future I am usually able to get done what needs to get done when it needs to get done.

If you can learn to stay present in the moment then you can rapidly and gracefully change your life for the better!

I hope you keep on talking to us as we are here for you. 

Take care,

Kitt

 
 

Kitt, Co-Moderator:
Anxiety/Panic, 
Depression,  & 
 
 GERD/Heartburn
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
"When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others."
Not a mental health professional of any kind
Clickable Link: Anxiety-Panic Resources


skibaboo
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 49
   Posted 6/1/2009 5:01 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you for the lovely reply Kitt. I totally know what you are saying, that is exactly what I do. Wht if, what if, what if!!

You guy's are really great on here you know. I'm in the UK, York to be precise and we don't get the choice in healthcare that you get in the US, it's either see your GP or wait to see my gastro specialist at the hospital when my check up is due. To be be fair I've been lucky, my specialist is great and the surgeon who has performed all my ops was a great guy but it's hard to be able to see them, unless you are real sick you see an understudy. My next appointment at the hospital is in 2 weeks but not with my specialist just a IBD nurse. I will tell her everything but I don't hold out much hope. Hopefully it may get me an appointment with my specialist, I trust him he's very thorough and a nice guy.

So do you think I have GERD? or GORD as they call it here (I prefer to say GERD but get some funny looks at the hospital lol) At the hospital in Dec the doc said I may have a bit of GERD or a bit of inflammation but all they'd do is prescribe what I'm already taking anyway, oh yeah and I'm too young to have another Endoscopy, if I was over 50 maybe they'd do one but as my one in 04 was clear he said it wasn't needed! He said cancer takes a long time to develop and signs would have been there in 04. It did put my mind at ease then but that old over active imagination is whirring into action again.

My father in law has GERD but his symptoms are very different to mine, I very rarely get heartburn. So I doubted it again. I get a sore bruised like chest in the morning. Bad taste in my mouth and a sore tongue, tight throat, random pains and tightness in my upper chest and shoulders, bad wind. This is all worse when I need to eat something. Eating always improves things. I've not lost any weight at all through this which I take as a good sign, comes from being a crohnie I guess? although I could do to lose a stone or 2!

Thanks again for the support kitt, I'll keep coming back, there's no getting rid of me now lol

Gill xx
"Wherever you may be let your wind go free, church or chapel, let it rattle."


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 6/1/2009 5:57 AM (GMT -7)   

Hey Gill,

I have heard it is called GORD in your country, by the way which I love.......... London was fantastic.

Check out this link,  just click on it and it may help you understand GERD.

http://www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=45&m=1483795

I do hope you get to see your specialist soon.

Let me know if you have questions re link.

Kitt


Nanners
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 6/1/2009 6:20 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Gill,

And welcome to the Anxiety/Panic forum. I too have Crohns Disease and GERD. Sounds to me like your Gerd medication may need to be increased. Many Crohnies suffer with GERD along with their CD. I take Prilosec myself and had to increase it 20 mg about a year ago. So that might be something to discuss with the IBD nurse. Maybe she can get that done in your appt.

And I agree with Kitt, sounds like you suffer with anticipatory anxiety. I do too! I constantly worry about the what if, what if. Thru therapy and the help of the occasional Xanax I have been able to get control of it. Can you possibly schedule a appt with a therapist? I really think with all you have gone thru and are going thru that might be a good idea for you. That way you would have someone to talk all this thru without over burdening your hubby. I too have a wonderful husband, but there is only so much our hubbies can do.

Try to stay in the moment, and stay with us. Again welcome to our little corner of the world.

Good luck,
Gail *Nanners*
Gail*Nanners* Co-Moderator for Anxiety/Panic Forum
Been living with Crohn's Disease for 33 years. Currently on Asacol, Prilosec, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain, Zofran, Phenergan, Probiotics, and Calcium and Xanax as needed. Resections in 2002 and 2005. Also diagnosed with Fibromyalgia and Osteoarthritis and Anxiety. Currently my Crohns is in remission.
*Every tomorrow has two handles.  We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle of faith"*

dixibella
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 161
   Posted 6/1/2009 6:46 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi skibaboo,
Definitely let them know your symptoms at your appt, you might be having some increased stomach issues from stress. I know when my anxiety is bad my digestive system is the first to get fouled up. I have been waking up with pain in the same spots, radiating into my back as well, I think for me at least it is gas pains from upset stomach. You might see about finding something like Gas-x and see if that helps with some of it? But definitely get it checked out, your doc should be aware of any new symptoms in case you do have GERD.
It stinks because anxiety triggers your brain to automatically assume the worst with any body pains. With everything you are dealing with I think finding ways to manage your stress (which you must have with everything going on whether you feel like it or not! yikes!) can only help you. And I'm with you on having the husband who is sick of hearing it, mine is always like "Geez, whats wrong with you THIS time". Always makes you feel better... feel free to come here and vent anytime! This is a very understanding and supportive group!

skibaboo
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2006
Total Posts : 49
   Posted 6/1/2009 1:15 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks everybody. Kitt, Gail and dixibella, real nice to have somebody who get's what I'm going though. I really appreciate the advice. I will talk to the nurse in 2 weeks and I do feel a little better today. I've been to see my Mum again today and she was in real good spirits which cheered me up. I also told her how I'd been feeling and I think that helped. Just got back from having fish and chips in the sunshine, the weather has been absolutely gorgeous today in north yorkshire. The sun shining always helps lift the mood I think?

Gill xx
"Wherever you may be let your wind go free, church or chapel, let it rattle."

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