Im a high school teacher and i want to ask you a question without offending you- please dont take this the wrong way-
some of the things you mentioned sound like Aspergers syndrome (im NOT saying your daughter has that) but Aspergers kids can be highly anxious, need a strict/structured routine (being 15mins late would be a trigger) and often display traits of OCD mixed with high anxiety. They MUST at all times be in control of their environment.
I agree with Trigirl, you sound like an excellent parent and you just want whats best for your daughter. Would you consider therapy? would your daughter be open to therapy? shes also at an age where hormones are running rampant through her body which could also account for some of her behaviours.
feel free to email me if you want, i hope things get easier. your daughter sounds cool. Blue streaks at 11? she rocks!
Hello and welcome to the A & P Forum.
I raised 4 children and am the Grandmother of 7, one of the 7 has Aspergers. ADHD and Aspergers often go together, and milder Aspergers used to be misdiagnosed as ADD / ADHD. My granddaughter was dx with ADD at a very young age, 3 years old and then Aspergers.
It is possible your 11 year old could have a problem but you mentioned she has had the anxiety for the past 4 years. I noticed you are trying to keep her from having anxiety attacks by meeting her expectations, the blue hair which she insisted had to be done. I am wondering if perhaps you may have some luck with her if you took on the decision making and how she would react if you just set some ground rules and she must comply with them.
Saying "No" to your child is never easy. When saying no to your child keep in mind that an explanation is always necessary, and your answer should be consistent with your other behaviors.
To make sure you are not seen as simply the “bad guy”, make sure your relationship is open and make yourself available.
Let your children know why you are saying “no” and what they may be able to do to get a “yes” from you next time, or at what age you feel their request is appropriate, and why.
Remaining calm when she is feeling anxiety is the right thing to do so I commend you for recognizing that by remainging calm you are helping your daughter.
Coming here and looking for help is a positive step in helping your daughter. I wish you the best and please know we care. You are truly a caring Mother.
Post Edited (stkitt) : 6/20/2009 8:24:29 AM (GMT-6)
I will find a way or make one. –Phillip Sidney 1554-1586
All that I am and all that I shall ever be, I owe to my Angel Mother.
The Bucket List- Have you found joy in your life? Has your life brought joy to others?
Make sure your suffering has meaning…
Post Edited (MMMNAVY) : 6/20/2009 7:22:34 AM (GMT-6)
Good Morning SR.
I am glad to see you have so many great responses to your post and I understand you love your girl, she sounds like a wonderful 11 year old but even 11 year olds have problems and I so agree with Navy. I know Navy is wise when it comes to looking at the big picture so please do read her post and take away from it some great words of wisdom.
As a parent we want to help our children and that is only natural. You are helping her already by recognizing that something is going on. Do not beat yourself up as you are reaching out looking for help and support and you have come to a great forum to find it.
Also do not feel bad about taking her in for evaluation both medical and psycholgical. I took one of my own in and one of my granddaughters also has been to therapy. I am a firm believer in using the resources we have available to help us parent.
On a side note, my husband has Crohn's and was dx when all 4 of our children were at home the youngest was just 5 years old and the oldest was 12 years old.
I understand living with Crohns and raising children around a parent with a chronic illness.
You have my support.
Good Morning and I see now where she would be afraid and very concerned about your illness and losing a parent, especially as you are the parent she lives with.
She has a very close bond to you and she is trying to be an adult when she is still a child. I think her counselor would do her a world of good. She can talk through her feelings in a nonthreatening environment and not worry that she is upsetting you.
You obvously love your child deeply and this is a good thing you are doing for her.
Gentle hugs to both of you,