Ignorant people

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bigcc_1976
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 94
   Posted 7/8/2009 8:10 PM (GMT -7)   
As most of you "old timers" of the forum know, I have dealing with severe anxiety since Jan. 27, 2007.   I have been dealing with it very well and have come to grips with my condition.   Well last night, I was at a good friends house having a beer.  He had known only that I have been dealing with medical issues, but I had never told him it was anxiety.  Well, last night I told him that my condition is anxiety related which results in panic attacks.  He started laughing and said that I am just being mental.  
 
I know that he doesn't understand, and was saying it in a jokefull manner, but it reinforced my reason why I don't tell people exactly what I suffer with, because of what people's perception is of anxiety and panic attacks.  Why can't people just be more patient and understanding and let someone talk about what they are dealing with in thier lives.  I had the courage (it wasn't liquid courage either, I only had the one beer) to tell him what I am dealing with and all I get is a laugh and a snide mental comment.  One thing I have learned in life is that everyone has something that they deal with, that they would rather not have.  We just need to be more receptive of others and understanding.

Ok, that is my rant for tonight, and the reason I will not be sharing my condition to other's for awhile yet.
 
CC

FitzyK23
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 4219
   Posted 7/8/2009 8:45 PM (GMT -7)   
I think it is hard for people who have never experienced it to understand it. I have cousins w/ mental health issues and when I was younger I thought they needed to suck it up, get over it, and get a job. I realize now that it is just like any other physical disease, maybe even MORE frustrating. Due to my crohns I started having panic attacks. Sometimes I know I am being ridiculous but I just can't stop it from happening. Five years ago I would have told myself to stop being a baby. Now I get it.
27 Year old married female law student (last year!!). Diagnosed w/ CD 4 years ago, IBS for over 10 years before that, which was probably the CD. I am sort of lactose intollerant too but can handle anything cultured and do well w/ lactose pills and lactaid. For crohns I am currently on Pentasa 4 pills/4x day and hysociamine prn. I also have bad acid reflux and have been on PPI's since age 13. I have been through prilosec, prevacid, and nexium. Currently I am on Protonix in the morning and Zantac at night.  I take xanax prn for situational anxiety (aka no easy bathroom access). 


raze
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 64
   Posted 7/9/2009 5:09 AM (GMT -7)   
Because people are jerks. End of story.
"Getting an idea should be like sitting down on a pin; it should make you jump up and do something."  -E. L. Simpson
 
General Anxiety Disorder (GAD) with Agoraphobia
Zoloft (100 mgs) daily
Trazadone (50 mgs) nightly
Xanax (1.25 mgs) as needed at night
 
Raze
        the
Dark
                                        Wolf                              


paniccu
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 1009
   Posted 7/9/2009 5:56 AM (GMT -7)   
Sorry you had to deal with that. You are so right. Some people just can't relate at all. I am very particular about who I tell things too. I actually have a really close friend who doesn't know this part of me, because I don't think she'd understand. It wouldn't change our relationship, but I'd rather share it with people that can commiserate with me.

Allestaria
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 341
   Posted 7/9/2009 6:10 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm sorry you didn't get the support from your friend you were looking for.

But as an anxiety, panic attack victom for well over 20 years. I can understand. My teachers, counclers, friends, and family didn't understand what was wrong with me. They all thought it was me trying to get out of something or making something up.

We sufferers have to understand that this is not "out there" like most illness. We suffer in silence with only some support from therapists and doctors. Its just something we have to deal with. It comes with our mental illness. But in a way we can blame ourselves for this. Most of us do not want others to know what we are going through. Because we are afraid of everyone saying "Get Over it". Or other unnecessary comments. Giving no support.

Now if we actually took the extra step and tried to educate those we come in contact with about our mental issues they would understand more. I for one do not just tell someone I have anxiety, panic attacks. Without a back ground of the problem. What I feel like when I go through an attack, and how they can support me when I need them. That way I'm not leaving myself open to be slapped in the face with a rude comment. Or hanging when I need some support. All 350 people I worked with when I drove school bus knew my situation. Including my bosses. They all supported me and understood this was not a "joke" or a get out of work quick thing I made up. I also found out I was not the only one in my work place to suffer from this. There was 10 other people. And we leaned on eachother. But I would not have known that if I had not been the one to take the extra step to educate those I worked with.

We have to understand and remember people do not understand... WRONG! Because they do. Everyone has anxiety and panic to a degree. We just have to tap into how they may have experienced it. Remind them what it was like. Then explain to them how we suffer from a constant and continued form of what they have experienced in a few minutes we have for hours, days etc.
It is up to us to explain it. If they don't understand get some pamphlets, etc. But it is our jobs to make the public understand. No one else is going to do it for us. Since this is not a life threatening mental issue it is not out there like everything else is. So it will not ever be common knowledge unless us sufferers take the extra step and make the public aware that this IS a problem. And that there are several people in this world who join us on our day to day battles to live normal healthy lives. We have to accept this. And take the extra step to push for public knowledge of what we go through. We are our own pep rally, walking pamphlets and public knowledge.

If you want your friend to understand what you go through. You need to take the extra steps that are needed to get them to understand. A gathering, party, etc is not the best way to do it. A nice quiet one on one setting and coming prepared is the only way to do it. I never told more then 3 people at a time. As sometimes the questions would be a little to much to handle.

Sorry Raze but your comment is neither helpful or useful.

Take Care
Cary-Ann

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 7/9/2009 6:30 AM (GMT -7)   

Hello CC,

I agree your friend was thoughtless and no matter what the disorder he should not have blown you off. 

You were brave in telling him but do not let his "stupid" response stop you from reaching out again to someone else.  I have been shot down more then once but then again I get people who just sit there with their mouth hanging open.  blush

We do need to keep advocating for all mental health disorders.

Hugs to you,

Kitt


mamalicious
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 40
   Posted 7/9/2009 7:17 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm very sorry that your friend made that comment to you.  You have to know that someone who does not deal with anxiety could never understand the way an anxious mind works or what a panic attack feels like.   They are fortunate, and I'd like to feel ONE DAY without racing thoughts and worrying.  It was ignorant of him, but he probably didn't realize the hurt and disrespect that comment caused.
 
I had severe PPD after both of my children were born.  I didn't get the help I needed after #1 was born, but after #2 I asked for meds and help at my first OB appointment.  I left the hospital with Lexapro, and I still went through a nightmare of depression and suicidal thoughts.  It was total hell. 
 
My "baby" turns 3 on Saturday, so I can't say I have PPD anymore (right?).  I do have GAD with some depression. 
 
In my career as a corporate trainer, I get the chance to talk about motiviational topics to groups of people.  When it is appropriate I tell people some of my story.  I look like I have it all together as a professional and if someone didn't KNOW me, they would have no idea what is inside this head.  After training sessions when the topic comes up, there are many people that talk to me about their own mental  health.  It's always a good thing for people to understand that it is real. 
 
I hope you have a good day and can delete the ignorant comment from your mind.
 
 
 
 
 
Holly- GAD, Migraines, TMJ disorder, Thyroid Disease
75 mg Effexor XR, 1mg Xanax PRN, Maxalt, Phenegran, Levothyroxine
 
 


Aries8
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 1015
   Posted 7/9/2009 11:16 AM (GMT -7)   
CC, I would like to suggest that you call that friend and tell him how you felt about his reaction. I would remain calm but just voice your feelings. Tell him how this "illness" has affected your life and you were hoping to have a friend you could talk to. He probably doesn't realize how his reaction affected you.

I've been told many times to "suck it up". My mother doesn't get this. My husband doesn't get it. I had a boss that told me panic attacks don't exist. He was just another ignorant person.

If you need someone to talk to, come here. We all know what you're going through. We won't judge you.
Generalized Anxiety Disorder
 
60 mg. Prozac, Ativan as needed.
 
"Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire."


Mazfire
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1683
   Posted 7/10/2009 12:12 AM (GMT -7)   

CC

I actually do the opposite. I tell people pretty quickly, so i can judge their reaction. If they freak out and think im 'mental' i feel that is their problem, not mine and i move on. I dont like the stigma surrounding AP and so i do my best to show people who come into my life that we are not freaks and that we can lead socially 'normal' lives. im out to prove the doubters wrong. im very upfront about my condition, im not ashamed of it and i want to educate people so they arent naive and ignorant like the friend that made that hurtful comment to you. All my friends and family know, and the majority of my colleagues know also.

Good on you for talking it out. Im sorry that your friend was so narrow minded.

Maz XX


                        Co-Moderator Anxiety & Panic- Depression
 
 
 
'He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.' (Psalm 147:3)
 
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SUNNYSIDE UP
New Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 13
   Posted 7/10/2009 8:01 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi ,

I understand how you feel because it is disapointing to confide in someone only to have them not listen to you.
I have told 2 people about my panic attacks in the past.

One was a stranger who when I told him I suffered from anxiety responded with telling me so what ..he was homosexual..
The second was my mother who responded with telling me that she had suffered anxiety attacks herself and went on to describe moments of feeling dizzy and out of control.. and then the subject was dropped..

My personal experience has been that most people don't want to hear it..I think most people find it too confrontational.

Its great that this forum exists. Don't feel bad that other people cannot or are not willing to cope with your honesty.

Jenni :)

raze
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 64
   Posted 7/10/2009 10:49 AM (GMT -7)   
I do the same. I tell people just to see what their reactions are. It can be fun.
"Getting an idea should be like sitting down on a pin; it should make you jump up and do something."  -E. L. Simpson
 
General Anxiety Disorder (GAD) with Agoraphobia
Zoloft (100 mgs) daily
Trazadone (50 mgs) nightly
Xanax (1.25 mgs) as needed at night
 
Raze
        the
Dark
                                        Wolf                              


bigcc_1976
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 94
   Posted 7/10/2009 8:46 PM (GMT -7)   
My issue is that my friend is a co-worker of mine. In my position we have to take Psych exams if there is any sign of a mental illness. I don't tell people because I don't want to lose my job. However, I also want people to know why I do what I do sometimes.

Thank you all for your comments to my dilema.

CC
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