Anybody even have an existential kind of terror?

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smittythepig
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 74
   Posted 7/23/2009 11:08 AM (GMT -7)   
I guess it can kind of go hand in hand with derealization. But I just got hit with another bought of this type of anxiety where i just feel so much terror and dread and loneliness because it's like i don't know who i am and where i am going and nothing seems totally real. it's horrible as you can imagine. i guess there may be some depression in there as well. but i think it's mostly anxiety. i've actually struggled for the last 3 years almost, but in the last year and a half have felt more better than worse.

i have OCD among other things and i started taking zoloft about 11 years ago as a result. i just decided to get off the zoloft about 2 1/2 months ago because of my weight and the fact that i seemed terribly angry all the time. well, i managed to come off it with very little in the way of withdrawal symptoms amazingly (i was on the highest dose of 200mg). and every since stopping the medication my wife thinks i am a different person, in a good way. i am much nicer, patient, more talkative and interested in her. my sex drive is back as well. and i have been very affectionate. in the last 2 1/2 months i have also not had any real anxiety or depression. plus, with the help of exercise and weight watchers i have lost over 12 pounds in the last month.

but yesterday it came back. i think it partially started because i was obsessing about my wife's feelings about me (for the first time really since we've been together) and whether or not she still loved me and if she was being faithful. anyway, i am terrified of going back on the medication. i just don't want to do that. but i haven't really used any natural methods before and i am panicked that i won't be able to keep the anxiety at bay long enough to learn. and of course i just don't like feeling this way at all. i think i may need to try something like a benzo to help me with these spells. but i worry about any medication now frankly. and i'm now obsessed with all this negative thinking again about losing my family if this won't go away, but if i take medication i'll lose them anyway because my wife and i almost split a couple months ago because of how insensitive i was.

anyway, thanks for listening. i was mainly just trying to see if anyone else has this kind of anxiety where you just feel like the world becomes really dark and scary and you feel helpless and feel like you're going to lose your mind and never be able to function normally again. it's like i'm in a nightmare that i can't wake up from.

i've had long periods where things have been just fine (especially the 8 or so years after i started zoloft). and i think one of the best times in my life was during college. even though there was a lot of stress and emotion, i felt more connected to the world than ever and had very little anxiety. at least until graduation. so it gives me some hope. but i think part of problem is 'the real world.' i struggle with lots of responsibilities, like what comes along with a family and professional job. however, i have been out of work for 8 months and my wife is now working. that i am sure has something to do with all of this. but wasn't a huge problem until yesterday.

Aries8
Veteran Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 1015
   Posted 7/23/2009 11:27 AM (GMT -7)   
You are experiencing symptoms of panic/anxiety attacks. It is normal to feel detached or strange mentally. A sense of dread is common. I still get that in the mornings.

You have a lot of stress in your life at the moment which is what I think is contributing the anxiety. You need to learn how to relieve stress and do it daily. This website sells many wonderful books to help you with the relieving of stress. You might want to look at those.

Also, make sure you're exercising and it sounds like you're eating better. Congrats on the weight loss!! You may not need another anti-depressant. Just remember these feelings of life not being real, or feeling of terror is harmless. Don't panic when they occur. Accept them and let the feelings happen. As you accept them they will subside.

Know that I am not a professional. This is just my opinion. I hope you feel better soon. Keep looking forward and take time for yourself!
Generalized Anxiety Disorder
 
60 mg. Prozac, Ativan as needed.
 
"Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire."


smittythepig
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 74
   Posted 7/23/2009 12:16 PM (GMT -7)   
thank you, aries, for the reassurance. it definitely helps! i will try and keep the thoughts in check. i think my biggest problem might be my OCD brain that fixates on everything. and ruminating leads to all this anxiety. very hard to fix. but i do have some good books - like "Brain Lock"

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 7/23/2009 1:06 PM (GMT -7)   

Hello,

I am sorry your mind is on full speed and you are obessing but do try to turn off the "stinking thinkin". With  some hard work and believing in yourself you can do this.

When your fears have the best of you, it is easy to feel that things will not get any better. This is not true. There is much help available in today’s society and the best way to deal with your fears is to find effective ways to overcome them. Instead of focusing on doom, stay in the moment. Give yourself breathing space. Consider what matters to you. Establish a few manageable goals, then take small steps toward achieving them.

Have you looked into the online CBT program to help you learn to deal with your anxiety/depression?  It is a great program if you stick with it and work through the whole program.

Cognitive-behavioral therapy is based on the idea that our thoughts cause our feelings and behaviors, not external things, like people, situations,
and events. The benefit of this fact is that we can change the way we think to  feel / act better even if the situation does not change.

Here is the linnk for the MoodGYM

http://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome

You do have to sign up as a new member.  I think once you get into the program you will find it very helpful.

I wish you peace,

Kitt


 

Kitt,
Moderator: Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn
Anxiety/Panic, & Depression
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
"When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others."
Not a mental health professional of any kind


smittythepig
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 74
   Posted 7/23/2009 2:01 PM (GMT -7)   
thanks, kitt. i've seen you all mention that site before several times here. i will definitely give it a shot.

anastasia01
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 132
   Posted 7/23/2009 6:57 PM (GMT -7)   
you just feel like the world becomes really dark and scary and you feel helpless and feel like you're going to lose your mind and never be able to function normally again. it's like i'm in a nightmare that i can't wake up from..........


Yeah I can relate completely. I had the not real feeling and whats the meaning of life thinking whenmy anxiety/panic attack began in 2007 but I am here to say without any medication, I live a nightmare for almost a whole year and I have a long way since then. I am here to let you know not to panic and I truly beleive that most of this can be overcome. I still have episodes and feel anxious but from where I was it has only got so much better. I dont have panic attacks like I use to but you are going to be fine. I think this is a great support group for you to stick with to help you if you have trouble so you can share your feelings and get some answers or just some feedback to help you along if you have some bad times. You will be fine.
ANASTASIA
 
 


smittythepig
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 74
   Posted 7/24/2009 5:52 AM (GMT -7)   
thanks, anastasia! your story gives me great hope. that was my experience when i was younger. my anxiety and derealization issues really started when i was 15 but after a year or so i managed to get through it for the most part and be happy. and then it almost seemed to go away completely during my college years. so i am hoping i can recover with the help of my family, positive thinking and places like this. thanks again.

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 7/24/2009 5:59 AM (GMT -7)   
Great response to your thread  :) I do believe that you will heal, go on with your life and  be happy.
Do stick with us as there are many great threads, the members are kind and caring and we are all here for each other.

One step at a time, one problem at a time.

Wishing you the best,
Kitt



smittythepig
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 74
   Posted 7/24/2009 6:16 AM (GMT -7)   
thanks again, kitt :-)

anastasia - i forgot to ask you what kinds of things helped you recover. anything in particular, or just time?

thanks

jazzy29
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 43
   Posted 7/24/2009 1:41 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi yes I can totally relate too, Have suffered on and off for years now and had a really bad spell last year where it was worse than ever before and that was the 'being in anightmare thingtoo!  I was sooo scared of meds too and really did not want to take them.
I really thought I was going mad and didnt know how to get over it. 
 
I managed to not go onto any long term meds and finally relented to diazapam which totally brought me out of it and very quickly. I think i just needed the time and space it gave m,e to start to be able to think a bit more clearly without all the 'stinkin thinkin' that term that skitt uses. I was able to become alittle more rational. I only took one when starting to feel real bad and only needed to afew times after that. I have maintained other meds free and really believe that you can remain off meds with a little time and space to think clearly and realise that your fears do not need to snowball. You can stop them as you have been doing for the last 2 and a half months.
 
I really wish you well
 
Jazzy

smittythepig
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 74
   Posted 7/24/2009 5:02 PM (GMT -7)   
thank you so much for the words of encouragement jazzy! and for sharing your story. i am still considering getting a benzo in case things get really rough. i am doing a little better at the moment. mornings are hard. gets better by the end of the day. after i have one of these 'spells' is usually takes me quite a while to shake it off. i'm just trying to hang in there and stay positive. and i keep reminding myself i am not taking anything at all so if i can get through this it will be a real accomplishment and possibly better for the long haul. thanks again.

Mazfire
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1683
   Posted 7/26/2009 12:39 AM (GMT -7)   

Hang in there! are you in therapy at the moment? its great to keep the benzos as a backup, if you can cope without them thats great, but remember help is out there if you need it!

Maz XX


                        Co-Moderator Anxiety & Panic- Depression
 
 
 
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smittythepig
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 74
   Posted 7/26/2009 6:24 AM (GMT -7)   
thanks, mazz. i am going to work on getting into therapy next week. i need a pro i can talk to regularly.

Nanners
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 7/26/2009 8:36 AM (GMT -7)   
I don't have anything much to add has you have gotten some great advice. I will tell you I use Xanax myself when my anxiety kicks in. I only use them maybe 1-3 times a month, but it is nice to have them on hand just in case.

Big Hugs
Gail*Nanners*
Gail*Nanners* Co-Moderator for Crohns Disease and Anxiety/Panic Forum
Been living with Crohn's Disease for 33 years. Currently on Asacol, Prilosec, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain, Zofran, Phenergan, Probiotics, Calcium  w/Vit D, and Xanax as needed for my anxiety.  Resections in 2002 and 2005. Also diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, Osteoarthritis, and Anxiety. Currently my Crohns is in remission, but my joints are going crazy!
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smittythepig
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 74
   Posted 7/27/2009 6:13 AM (GMT -7)   
thanks, nanners! i've been feeling better the last few days. now just trying to deal more with some of the new OCD symptoms that are cropping up since i stopped my meds (superstition, fear of unfaithfulness, etc.) and some new emotions that i haven't had in a loooong time. the meds kinda flattened me out and made me not care as much about some important things. and now i care too much. i think it's going to be a bit of a roller coaster and learning experience for a while. but i'll press on. i feel ultimately i am a better person off the meds. then again, different meds do different things and maybe a different one or combo sometime later might work better. we'll see. thanks again.
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