Please tell me this will stop!

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TiredOfTheFear
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 53
   Posted 7/26/2009 11:00 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi all! I'm new to this forum and at my wits end! I've had a 15 year history of anxiety. There have been times where it has been managed. Of course during those times I feel that I can get off the meds and ween off them. Usually within a year or two something triggers the panic and the attacks start all over again. That's been the case this past month. It's been awful!! I can't sleep, I am terrified of being home alone but I'm also afraid to go out and do things for fear of the attacks. I'm becoming depressed because of it. I just want to cry. cry
 
I was out of the country when the attacks began. Talk about terrifying! The doctor gave my Alprax, a generic form of Xanax which helped me through the week and the flight home. Saw my PCP and told him the anxiety is back and that the Xanax seemed to be working so he prescribed .5 mg every 8 hours. Well I don't know if it was just my heightened state of anxiety or what but the Xanax seemed to either not work or have the opposite effect. My attacks seemed to get worse as the week went on. (This was just last week).
 
Then it gets even worse! Thursday night I had major attacks and didn't sleep at all. I'm embarrassed by the anxiety and don't want to bother my husband, especially while he's sleeping. So the computer has been my savior! That night it felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest. My left shoulder hurt, back and neck hurt, I was nauseous and shakey. This scared me so bad. It felt ten times worse than any attack I've ever had. Friday morning it got even worse so hubby took me to the ER. With my symptoms they did the works! EKG, chest xray, urine test, blook work testing my heart, liver, and kidneys. They also did a blood test for blood clots. Everything came back normal, thank God!!! They chalked it up to the Chinese buffet (I know) from the night before and said it was esophagitis or GERD. Gave me a script for Protonix and sent me home. Now, I should be relieved that all of those test were normal, right? Wrong! I am going into the hypochondria phase now and worrying it's neurological. I've had pain in my left temple that has gotten worse over the weekend. It's probably stress from the anxiety and not sleeping, and my sinuses do feel a little congested. I know this, but I cannot accept this. I can't rationalize with myself which drives me even more crazy.
 
I haven't taken the Xanax since my Thursday night attacks. It didn't seem to help whatsoever. I left a voicemail for my PCP to switch and go back on the Effexor which seemed to help me in the past. I started counseling and am optimistic that she will help me learn techniques to get through this. I'm terrified that this will never end. I don't want to be on meds forever. Especially if we have children. Most meds aren't good during pregnancy. BUt the anxiety also makes me question whether or not I could even handle pregnancy and caring for an infant if I can't control my own anxiety. I'm a teacher and school starts in a month. If I don't get this under control, how am I going to function at work? I can't afford to call in sick. I am so frustrated and just plain TIRED OF THE FEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! smhair

jazzy29
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 43
   Posted 7/26/2009 11:47 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Tired,
I sooo feel for you as went through similar late last year and thought I was going to die from it or worse craziness! I just could not get myself out of it without a med called Diazepam(prob your version of xanax...Im from UK) I only ended up needing a few over a few days. (took me ages to finally take some as scared of meds!)
You have managed to be rational in you message on here, for example'Its probably just my anxiety' but you are not able to digest that information. Try and read your message back again to take some of those rational thoughts in!

You absolutely can start to think more clearly, I have had many of the symptoms you describe and it made it worse over analysing them which then makes the symptoms worse as im sure your aware! I also had the fear of not being able to cope with being pregnant again if we decided to try but anxiety breeds on fear. The more we feel the fear the more it consumes us. I also can identify with you saying @the worst panic attack ever' as thats what i too experienced last year and it really shook me as i didnt think they could get any worse!! that was bad enough!!! I started to wonder how bad can they actually get???? But I coped with this outburst so I will cope with the next if it comes! Please share you thoughts on here, it really helped me. I am happy to talk more if you need it and remember you CAN deal with it.
I remember saying in the end....Well come on Panic bring it on!!!!! It was hard at first but I managed it and you can too.

Warm wishes

Jazzy x

TiredOfTheFear
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 53
   Posted 7/26/2009 11:53 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Jazzy!!!
 
I know it's mind over matter, and that's my most difficult hurdle. I appreciate hearing your thoughts and what you went through. It continues to amaze me how many of us have an identical situation like that. Maybe we were all meant to "meet" somehow. I am determined this time to knock out the anxiety! I want to live my life and be happy!
 
I appreciate any input yall have and thanks again Jazzy!  smilewinkgrin

TiredOfTheFear
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 53
   Posted 7/26/2009 1:45 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Pamela!!!

I know, I tend to be very hard on myself. I accept that I'm a worrier, and I agree with you that teachers (or anyone taking care of children) do need some level of that. I guess I need to learn how to accept the anxiety as part of my life and not let it RUN my life. That is what it's doing lately. :(

My PCP doesn't seem to truly "get" my anxiety. He'll write out a script but when it comes to understanding it, he doesn't seem like he gives a rip. I don't want to be a doctor jumper so I've stuck with him. I don't know, maybe I shouldn't.

I'm glad to hear that you had a good pregnancy without the meds! My clock is ticking and that just adds to my anxiety. We're not decided on whether or not we want to have children, but it's always in the back of my mind that if we do... can I handle it?

anxietychewer
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 24
   Posted 7/27/2009 5:19 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Tired. Sorry to hear your having a rough time. You say that there has been periods where you have been able to slowly ween of the meds, have you done this or thought about it?. Something sems to be re triggering your attacks, maybe somewhere you go or someone you maybe a situation you don't feel comfortable with. I have had anxiety attacks about 3times a day for 18 years and are now going up to 4 a day, I ignore them most of the time unless I get a real blaster and that is when I get my diary out and read all the days I have had anxiety which is everday and how I have felt and at the bottom I put "Still alive thougt"!!. I, as you, have been in observation 2 times with all of what you have had done, tests for blood clots, heart problems, monitors beeping away, god knows how many blood tests and all negative. The the heart surgeon comes along and stands at the end of the bed and says "You have the heart of an ox" Bless!!. I am taking Clorazepato 5mg every 6 hours, as I say I have about 4 attacks a day so these tabs have turned on me and are causing attacks instead of geting rid of them, this could be your case!. Doctors don't seem to have much idea about anxiety and I have had to explain to my doctor what it is, how it starts, how to control it which he found most interesting. They just have a stab at giving out meds as they can't fight it for us, we are left to do that, worse luck. As another member said you will probably find when you are pregnant it will all stop as your body has something new to concentrate on "True"?. I am sat here now sweating and a heart rate of 90 or so, kids fighting 16 and 18 years old, both girls......Whoops sorry" hahaha. I think you should see your doc to get you ready for school asap with a medication that id for you. Don't keep hammering yourself about anxiety you will only bring it forward and it will dominate you more. I feel for you but you must try and chill out. Have you tried cold showers when you get these attacks at night, open the back dor of the house and breath in the night air etc it all helps. My wife sleeps through mine much of the time, so I waake her and tell her when she moans I tell her you woke me when you was pregnant "twice" and you did say for better or worse jejejeje this normaly starts and interesting conversation and the anxiety goes away. Take care and hope it all sorts it's slfl out. Kevin

Nanners
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 7/27/2009 5:53 AM (GMT -7)   
Tired,

You have received some great advice already, but I had a few thoughts myself. When you see you PCP about medication to take daily, can you explain your future conceiving hopes with the doctor and see if there is something you can take during pregnancy. It sounds to me that you are just one of the folks that needs to stay on medication all the time to keep the anxiety in check.

Try to stay in the moment and not let your health anxiety get ahold of you. Do not search or google anything, that will just cause more anxiety. The medication mentioned above by Jazzy in the US is the equilvalent of Valium not Xanax. Maybe ask you doc also about something other than Xanax to quiet your panics attacks.

Good luck
Gail*Nanners*
Gail*Nanners* Co-Moderator for Crohns Disease and Anxiety/Panic Forum
Been living with Crohn's Disease for 33 years. Currently on Asacol, Prilosec, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain, Zofran, Phenergan, Probiotics, Calcium  w/Vit D, and Xanax as needed for my anxiety.  Resections in 2002 and 2005. Also diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, Osteoarthritis, and Anxiety. Currently my Crohns is in remission, but my joints are going crazy!
*Every tomorrow has two handles.  We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle of faith"*

TiredOfTheFear
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 53
   Posted 7/27/2009 6:08 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you so much Kevin!!!

Wow, 3-4 times a day for 18 years! God bless you!!! I love your journals and "still alive though." That is so true! It is reassuring to know that there is nothing wrong with your heart and no clots, etc. That has helped a little.

I did go off of the meds a few times. Years ago I was on a klonopin/imipramine combo, then was switched over to Zoloft. Felt good for awhile and got off all meds (except birth control pill). The attacks started up again and my doctor put me on Effexor. I had good results with that, and longer periods of no attacks, so again, went off all meds except pill. That leads me to now. As far as the triggers, I HATE to fly. And the night before we went out of the country, I felt all "funny" like before an attack starts. When we were away is when the full blown attacks started. I wasn't taking any meds for about a year prior to the trip, and had been attack-free for the most part.

I will definitely try the fresh air at night! I'm afraid a cold shower would keep me up even more but hey, I'll try anything. Thank you Kevin and best of luck to you!!!!!

TiredOfTheFear
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 53
   Posted 7/27/2009 6:14 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you Nanners!!! I have definitely received some great advice so far!

I'm guilty of googling. The internet has been my savior in many ways, but I know I'm terrible and searching every little ache and pain. Great idea about talking with the doc about pregnancy-safe meds. Sadly, it seems like I will need to stay on meds. I wish I wouldn't have to but that's the way it looks. :(

Thanks again for your advice!!! :D

DeanArrlack
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 7/27/2009 11:58 AM (GMT -7)   
We're very alike....Hi im new to the forum..good luck dear...All of us anxiety sufferers freakin need it.. :-(

TiredOfTheFear
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 53
   Posted 7/27/2009 12:01 PM (GMT -7)   
Good luck to you too Dean!!! We need to believe that we CAN and WILL overcome this thing!!

GatorBait66
New Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 7/28/2009 5:38 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello!

Xanax didn't work for me either, so my psych switched me over to Ativan which works wonderfully and helps control the nausea. Maybe a simple medication change will help.

Lisa

TiredOfTheFear
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 53
   Posted 7/28/2009 5:40 AM (GMT -7)   
I spoke with my PCP yesterday and he agreed to switch from the Xanax (which I haven't taken since Thursday) back to Effexor (which I took in the recent past). So after a fight with my insurance and paying for the first week out of pocket, I'm going to start taking the Effexor today. I hope and pray it helps me ASAP!!! I feel like I'm losing my mind!!!!!!!
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