Hello and thanks for reading this. My name is William and I'm from Salem MA. I was born in Italy but moved to Brazil when I was 2 years old. I grew up without a father but with the best mother in the world. I was super over protected by my family and my mother. When I was about
9 years old, I saw this guy that lived in the neiborhood, he used to talk to himself and was very strange. I had someone that toke care of me, a woman, because my mother worked 10 hrs a day. This woman told me that this guy was a normal guy like me until a day he just became crazy. That got stuck to my head and several months later I was sure that it would happen to me. I developed OCD and had a full blown panic attack that lasted a long time following with anxiety for about
a year. Offcourse back then I didn't know what it was, but now I know that it was panic attack and anxiety. When I was growing up, I was always scared for my mom to die and I'll be left out in the world without a mother and a father, I have no brothers or sisters.
When I was 12 year old, we moved to Boston and my whole life changed. I felt safe, happy, made friends, the snow was fascinating, and I never had panic attacks anymore. The anxiety stayed but very mild. I'm 25 now, married to a beautiful girl that I love, I became a citizen of this great nation that I love with a passion. I started a new business, and I was very worried with all the what ifs.
I never did any drugs all my life. One day, this friend of mine insisted soooo much and stupid me, I tried. Right after he left, I had the biggest panic attack I ever had, and my anxiety went through the roof. I immediatly told my mom and wife because I was felling the most guilty person in the world. My mom was always proud to tell everyone how good her son was for never doing drugs and now she couldn't anymore.
After that day, I was very depressed and afraid to have another panic attack. That was 4 months ago. Last month I watched a movie about
this guy becoming schizsofrenic (sorry about
my spelling) and I had another panic attack and a huuuuge anxiety. I went to the hospital and they gave me some Ativan, which made me panic even more because it knocked me out. I had anxiety for that whole week, fever, diarrea, and lots of fear of going crazy and loosing control.
I went to my doc, she gave me celexa 10 mg. It helped, but this week I started feeling anxious again. I have a fear that I'm going to start to see things any moment, or that I will loose control and go nuts. Please help me, I can't go to another doctor at the moment because I can't afford it and I don't have health insurance.
Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 7/29/2009 9:03:04 AM (GMT-6)