I found this forum and I really hope someone can offer some advice and help. I have always have anxiety issues but a hiv scare has put me completely over the edge. I got a negative test back but I still can't get over it. I find myself thinking about all the "whit ifs" every waking hour.. like, what if the doctor sent in the wrong kind of test, what if I am one of those people that takes longer than the rest to show up positive, what if I need one more test to be sure, what if I do have it, do I really want to know? etc. I am constantly online searching for more info and I am constantly obsessing.
I know why this has affected me so badly, it's because I can't get over the guilt of being stupid and putting myself at risk. I feel like I must have it because I deserve to be punished.
All I want to do is get on with my life and I just can't. I am stuck in a prison inside my head and I can't tell anyone because I am too ashamed of what I have done in my past.
Please help. :(