well I've been dealing with my anxiety for about 9 yrs now. I can't its been that long and I still havent conquered it. Well.....lately it has been acting up. I'm currently out of work and looking for a job for the past couple months and that has been stressful in itself. I also went off birth control about a month ago because I couldn't afford it so thats where I think some of my current anxiety is coming from. I feel like everything is hitting me at once.
Anywho....so I started dating this guy a little less than a month ago. I'm 28 and he's 27. He has been amazing. He has a very easy going attitude and I always feel good when I'm around him. The only bad thing is that he lives about 45 min away in area that has alot of farms and not much to do. I was upfront with him about my anxiety but he didn't quite understand because he never noticed it. I never really felt anxious when I was with him. Well this past week for some reason my anxiety has been looming over my head like a storm cloud. I drove to his place friday night and things were fine. I felt alittle anxiety on saturday when I ventured out in his area on my own. I went back to his place and took my klonopin and started to calm down. He is usually off every weekend but he was supposed to work today which is sunday....but only a half of day. He had to get up really early and we figured that by the time i woke up in the morning he would be home. I was kinda looking forward to him going to work cause then i planned on going to the store and getting a shower and I was fine with it. But I went to bed around 1am and then woke up around 4:45am....and I had anxiety. I started worrying about being left alone. I started thinking how I'm in a strange area and I don't know anyone and if I started to panic there would be no one to help me. I don't feel like I can do it on my own. I'm scared of even living on my own.
So I got up and packed my things and told him that I was gonna leave and go home when he went to work. I was so worried to drive home but somehow at 5 am with little sleep I drove home. I came home and slept alittle here and there but had anxiety here and there. I'm so mad at myself for letting my anxiety take over. I feel like I ruined the rest of our weekend together because of my stupid anxiety. I was crying at his place before I left because I felt so bad. He just kept telling me it was ok. He doesn't think it was a big deal so he just keeps telling me not to worry about it. He then made a comment that he may have to work more sundays and what am I gonna do then....if he can't leave me all alone. I just feel so guilty. I wont let myself off the hook. I just keep thinking I messed things up. I don't know how to date and deal with anxiety at the same time. I try not to let it affect me but its tough. I'm also dealing with trying to find a job and worried about my hours and the distance affecting this new relationship. UGH!!! This sucks. Thank you all for your continued words of encouragement and support. It helps me know I'm not alone in my battle against anxiety.