I am sorry to hear your husband is not ready to go to therapy but this is one of the things that the person must want to do for themselves.
You cannot tell him what to do. I think that is something he is going to have to work out on his own.
I do not endorse putting your foot down, because that implies an improper balence of power in the relationship. How in the world can either one of you be safe in a space that one has more power then another?
I am wondering how many Xanax pills he is prescribed monthly if he has enough to use them every day?
I am sorry I do not have any magical answers. I feel the main thing is get help for yourself right now. You cannot really change another person.
I do empathize with how you are feeling.
With kindest personal regards,
I understand what you mean by worrying your husband is headed for a breakdown. Anxiety and other personality traits can trap a person in their own prison. Outside influence seems to have little effect on them coming out. It’s frustrating and can be even depressing for the healthy spouse.
Unfortunately, many people with anxiety disorders don’t seek help. They don’t realize that they have an illness that has known causes and effective treatments. Other people fear their family, friends or coworkers might label them if they get help.
Just this past week-end I was talking with my MIL to tell her their neighbor is very depressed. My MIL turned to my FIL and said " Steve is feeling sorry for himself" ARgh ! Some people just don't understand a disorder if they cannot see the injury or pain a person is in.
I hope this gives you an idea how your husbands mind is thinking.
I admire you for working so hard at helping your husband. Remember to take care of you.
Post Edited (spinnaker) : 8/18/2009 2:23:43 AM (GMT-6)
It does not help your husband to see his Mother hiding her head in the sand and self medicating. It gives him false hope that by ignoring the issues he can deal with it without help.
Do you have someone from your community, a clergy person or someone he may look up to that you could ask for an intervention? I know you take the chance of your hubby becoming angry but he will get over it.
Again please remember to take care of yourself. You are an important person and you need to stay healthy mentally and physically.
This way of thinking is indeed a great way to make much of your life a lot more miserable and limited than necessary. The key to solving this problem is of course to live as much as you can in the only moment that you ever really live in and control. This moment right now. The moment that is all there ever was and - probably - will be.
But how can you step away from the thought loops that whirl back and forth through our memories and fantasies?
How do you actually return to the present moment?
Focus on what’s right in front of you,
My Pdoc told me I have a tendency toward catastrophysizing events whether they are in the past or the present so I had to learn to talk myself out of the stinking thinking and stay in the moment.
I understand your feelings about leaving your husband but I also know that being a stay at home Mom is important to you. Do you have any family, friends or clergy that you are comfortable talking with?
We are always here for you so please do keep on talking with us as we truly care about you.
CBT is the best therapy for this kind of anxiety. We have had many members use CBT.
Cognitive-behavioral therapy is based on the idea that our thoughts cause our feelings and behaviors, not external things, like people, situations,and events. The benefit of this fact is that we can change the way we think to feel / act better even if the situation does not change.
There is a online free version that your hubby could try. Here is the link for The MoodGYM
He would have to sign in as a new member but I have worked through it and the trick is to not give up when the questions seem to simple.
Good luck and perhaps you may want to join to just to see how the program works. No one ever sees another members name.
You are welcome. I hope your husband will check it out and give it a good try. CBT has great reviews.