Are you comfortable being open about your P/A or prefer to make excuses when necessary?

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spinnaker
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Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 36
   Posted 8/29/2009 5:57 AM (GMT -7)   
How do you respond when co-workers want to eat at the restaurant at the other end of a very long tunnel? Or get an invitation to a family reunion that requires you to fly? Or when asked to serve the punch at a relative’s wedding? (Or whatever your triggers might be)
I guess I get a little perturbed sometimes that it is okay to say I have high blood pressure or Lyme disease or ADD but feel it is taboo to say I suffer from Panic and Anxiety. Do you feel being open and honest helps bring this condition to light and make it more “acceptable”? I know I have kept my A/P a “secret” for many years. Only a couple people know and one is very judgmental about it. And I am ashamed to this day to admit it to others.
If you are one who is more open about it do you find people in general to be kind? Receptive? Interested? Empathetic?
I know revealing my trouble with panic and anxiety some time ago with a couple different GP’s and ER doctors did not go over well. Do you all find physicians more understanding or do you find you need to search around until you find one that is?
I know I’ve asked a lot of questions but I think they are all basically related and asking the same general thing so hope this isn't too much to ask in one post.
Thanks,
Spinnaker

stkitt
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   Posted 8/29/2009 7:28 AM (GMT -7)   
Spinnaker,
 
This is a catch 22 ! I sometimes do tell people about my anxiety but most of the time I work at controlling it.
 
I have learned not to be pushed into doing something I am truly not comfortable with but if I had to control my anxiety to go visit my son and the only way to get there is a 3 hours plane ride then I find a way to do this.
 
As far as Doctors, yes some are biased and others are very kind and understanding.
 
Hope this gives you a bit of info.
 
I wish you happiness,
Kitt
 

Kitt,
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spinnaker
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Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 36
   Posted 8/29/2009 9:08 AM (GMT -7)   
I totally agree stkitt, one of the first things I was told when I sought help for P/A was that it was okay for me to be assertive and just say "No" to something that would cause me to panic. But I found some people can't let "no" go! (LOL) and want to know why? why? why? Or, get upset when I refuse to do something and I since I am as good at feeling guilty as I am at feeling panic feel I must give a reason, so I make up something. blush
Thanks, Spinnaker

nanas4
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Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 51
   Posted 8/29/2009 1:00 PM (GMT -7)   
at first i was ashamed to amit my problems with having to take off work .now im suffering so i dont care. also wvwryone knows as they md writes a medical letter with dx when putting me off work and believe me word gets around to everyone. people say things like she crazy and so on but oh well .i just admit that i feel crazy but md keeps saying im not .i have found that if you go to er for anything they do not take you seriously the min they see the meds you are taking or told you have a/p disorder. so they dont assess you well as they already have made dicision your just a pysch case. i am a nurse and know this first hand. i was told by my reg. md never to tell er you suffer from panic until after the assessment however you must tell them the meds you are on or have taken so not to react with what they may give you so they will know anyhow. but im no longer embarrassed to say i have a/p disorder to anyone i think my husband dont like it when i tell our friends he assumes everyone will blame him or think he is a abuser that has caused this .but i tell everyone it is a disease like diabetes you cant pick or choose what your body will do and some understand and others really just dont care enough too. people that truely love you even cant understand but will at least try to help or be there for you .never be ashamed of who you are just be careful when looking for medical help and getting taken seriously for other illness and them not writing it off as overreacting or panic. thats one good reason we have this site as we can relate and ill tell you i dont know you but i love you and shed tears as im saying it because you are just like me and i can feel you.

spinnaker
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Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 36
   Posted 8/29/2009 1:55 PM (GMT -7)   
nanas, I so like your advice about not jumping the gun and saying you are an anxiety sufferer first thing when needing a diagnosis about something. I never really thought of not telling a doctor too early, but I have experienced prejudice first-hand from some physicians enough to know I should have caught on. I have had a doctor examining me, I mention I suffer with anxiety and that it has been really high, and she literally almost fell over her shoes to jump back from me and seal the deal right there-- It is your anxiety, nothing is physically wrong with you. Discussion closed. And when i went back again, she was upset with me and passed me on to someone even less understanding. This has happened several times and it did turn out to be nonanxiety related!
In no way was I trying to shame anyone about A/P. You are right, there is no shame and I applaud those who are open about it. That is just my own problem with it for me. I just wondered how others are treated when they are honest and do they find much prejudice. I hate lying so much.
Thanks,
Spinnaker

nanas4
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Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 51
   Posted 8/29/2009 6:55 PM (GMT -7)   
spinmaker   i know you were not trying to shame anyone. we are all in this together. i just dont want you to be ashamed .however even i have lied it depends on who it is and how much it will not only effect you but your family sometimes or your situation. im mean i would not go looking for a job and say by the way i suffer from anxiety panic disorder and am likely to relapse .lol but you know what i mean ,and who you feel comfortable with telling. not everyone needs or has the right to know.but yes it is a shame we feel the need to hide it at times because society has made mental illness taboo , but i bet at some point in everyones life they experience a tramatic event ,and it cause s them problems sometimes i just describe it like that .they dont think they are crazy but would never want to relive it. ask them how they would like to live feeling that way forever and some can understand then what we go through. our main problem is no cure just experimental meds. same with other illness too i suppose .but doctors know or think anxiety wont kill you so they are off the hook and can cover their a... by charting our dx or later saying the anxiety masked the true illness. also they know our kind can drive them nuts by calling and always showing up with problems like the boy who cried wolf and let true illness slip by.

ILUVLUCY
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 32
   Posted 8/29/2009 8:48 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi...alot of people do not understand our situation and i have been told to ..just get over it....!!! or have been laughed at behind my back for missing work because some people are just ignorant and dont understand.Makes u wish they could experience it for just one day to see that is no laughing matter...My md knows all about my anxiety as he was the one who sent me to a psych.. I do have a understanding md.....But some of the other specalist i have went to, dont !!  So after 17 years with this, i now dont care who knows it ! All my friends now know that i have panic and anxiety disorder and no i see a psych for it...They are all understanding....I have a friend who has depression and she want get here scripts filled at a certain drugstore because she knows alot of people there and dont want them to no she sees a psych for it ! I told her that i didnt care who knows about my situation and she shouldnt either...People are more understanding than we think, but there are those out there that dont......
 
Hugs
Lucy

Mazfire
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   Posted 8/30/2009 3:04 AM (GMT -7)   

the people that are important in my life i have always been straight forward with. Im not ashamed or embarrassed- its a part of who i am, and i wont apologise for having this illness. if people get freaked out by it (im yet to meet anyone who has flipped out on me) then i view it as their problem, not mine.

this doesnt mean i wear a sandwich board advertising my panic, but im not afraid to discuss it.

Maz XX


 Co-Moderator Anxiety & Panic- Depression
 
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Nanners
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Date Joined Apr 2005
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   Posted 8/30/2009 9:02 AM (GMT -7)   
For me it depends on the situation and person if I tell or not.
Gail*Nanners* Co-Moderator for Crohns Disease and Anxiety/Panic Forum
Crohn's Disease for over 33 years. Currently on Asacol, Prilosec, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain, Zofran, Phenergan, Probiotics, Calcium  w/Vit D, and Xanax as needed. Resections in 2002 and 2005. Also diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, Osteoarthritis, and Anxiety. Currently my Crohns is in remission, but my joints are going crazy!
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Green Grove
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Date Joined Oct 2008
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   Posted 8/30/2009 10:11 AM (GMT -7)   
I let people know if they are close to me and it is needed, but I try to work on dealing with the A/P so I can lead a normal life and just blend in with the masses. I have had issues at times that a few people/doctors were rude or weird acting about it, but I just keep removing those types out of my life because I find it really destructive for my recovery. Ultimately we have to do what feels right, because conquering this dd is so very important for our well being :)
Much Love, Hugs, Peace & Comfort. . . Your Bro Sam :)

Anxiety-Panic Forum Co-Moderator

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spinnaker
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 36
   Posted 8/30/2009 12:09 PM (GMT -7)   
Yes, I have let people close to me know but one was/is very judgmental and I get no understanding or support. In fact, she refuses to acknowledge it and constantly asks me to do what she knows is very difficult to impossible for me. And when I try to explain it to her for the 100th time she still responds like I'm a silly fool. It just hurts a lot coming from someone I love who claims to love me. But I am terrified of telling anyone else, she is probably partially responsible as well as why I have such social anxiety. She told others and one scolded me for 'upsetting' this loved one with such a ridiculous thing. I was so embarrassed to have this almost complete stranger know my troubles and then on top of that scold me for it that I was speechless and couldn't even reply to her. I started this thread wondering how you all deal with it.
Thank you so much for all your responses and insight.
Spinnaker

nanas4
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 51
   Posted 8/30/2009 12:21 PM (GMT -7)   
well try living with a husband who is a registered nurse and tells me to get over it and back to work that it is all pyscho bulls.....t  and wont even comfort me during my worst attacks .he says he has never known a illness to be better from hugs and kissess and if it does help its not real.

spinnaker
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 36
   Posted 8/30/2009 1:33 PM (GMT -7)   
yeah i always wondered why some doctors (not psychiatrists) and some nurses could treat a known condition like it is something we all make up and we are just wasting their time if we reach out for comfort or help or answers. They aren't making us feel any better with their response. I guess many of us have ignorant people to deal with.
Spinnaker

BrosephAnxietus
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Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 8/30/2009 10:52 PM (GMT -7)   
I have made it a point to tell every person that I know enough to have a good conversation with that i have it if the conversation brings it up. Most people never had a clue that I had it, until more recently when it flared up a bit. I feel that most people that I have talked to are understanding of it, and they don't try to push me because of it. I think that if I find anyone who is intolerant or thinks less of me because of it I would immediately tell them to piss off. There is no reason for people to not try to understand others, and I feel sorry for those who don't have the good morals to want to help when someone has a problem. Especially for a doctor to do something like that would be very insulting, as they supposedly have made it their life to help others. The best thing you can do for a person in order to help them get over something whether it is physical or mental is to treat them with respect and caring and try to make them smile. It has been proven a hundred times over that illnesses go away quicker for those who are in a good place mentally. I would say for anyone in a situation where someone looks down on them for any reason, that this person who judges you is in need of help themselves and that they need a nice helping of arrogance-be-gone. You should inform them of this in a polite manner and if they don't realize they're wrong then maybe it would be best to cut this person who makes you feel "lesser" out of your life. I wouldn't wish anxiety on anyone, and i truly believe that those of us who survive with it are much stronger than most people.

addie2629
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 86
   Posted 9/3/2009 9:28 AM (GMT -7)   
I find it more helpful to let people know about my panic & anxiety disorder....it seems to relieve some of the tension I feel. When I'm with someone who doesn't know about it, my anxiety seems to be worse as I start wondering if they can see my tension & uncomfortableness! When you tell people about it, many times you find out it is more common than we originally thought. At least that helps me to know we are not isolated and alone with it.

ivorycharm
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 17
   Posted 9/3/2009 7:10 PM (GMT -7)   
Nobody knows about my P/A. My husband knows that I cannot drive across the bridge so he understands that I need the chauffeur to accompany us each time he goes to the airport because it is on the other island and we have to cross the bridge.

We don't discuss about my "sickness" and sometimes I felt that he thinks that it's not a big deal because when there's no chauffeur available during a very early flight he would drive himself to the airport and I have to drive back alone with my panic.

So what I do before I made the "crossing" is to put on the fast song and turn it loud then drive as FAST as I can as if PANIC is chasing me mad over the BRIDGE OF DOOM.

I feel so shaken afterwards and hated my husband for leaving me no choice but to experience that terrible feeling of "near death" experience.

phixgrrrl
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 227
   Posted 9/3/2009 9:29 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm open. It's a real thing and I suffer for it. If someone can't handle it **** them--get RID of them ASAP; they need to take some humanity lessons. There's no reason to hide it. Honestly, it's like if someone was ashamed that they had the flu...its the same darn thing...you're suffering, you're sick, period. End of story.

yogiw/anxiety
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 14
   Posted 9/4/2009 12:16 AM (GMT -7)   
This is a great thread !
When my Md sent me to a psychiatrist and put me on deanxit untill i could see someone, my mom told me not to tell anyone!
and when i was diagnosed and had to take zoloft, she stressed so severely not to let ANYONE know !
I think she says this because she fears that people will make preconcieved judgments and biases about me, because in this part of the world psychological illness is shameful and it means you are not worthy or capable ! and most people are very ignorant about this type of thing.
I avoid mentioning it
but should the subject come up I will talk about it openly and honestly
and as far as doctors and employers go, I feel that an employer should know, but i also feel that the way and manner in which you inform them is extremely important in how they receive that news.
I am a communication major... oddly enough :P I have found that if you tell people You have A & P in an unsure manner and if you whisper it or look ashamed they are going to perceive it as something to be ahsmaed about, and dont warn anyone about it !
It is a disease we all suffer from and it is real, but it is not contageious or anything to be apologetic about. Should it come up talk about it confidently and casually. I find that when i am able to talk about it without shaking or blushing or stuttering people merely perceive it as another part of who you are.
SOmething very intersting happened to me yesterday in fact. I was in a situation i would not have normally been in if it wasnt for the zoloft. I was talking to two new friends and was describing an anectode that happened to me and one of them said, 'oh social phobia right?' and i was afraid this wud cause akwardness but when i replied lightheartedly 'yep along with anxiety and panic disorders, lucky me right? ' we both just chuckled and moved on ...
i feel its best not to talk about it too long to make things uncomfortable and its all in the way that you portray it.
Im sorry it was a long post, but this is a very intersting topic to me
i hope that was helpful and if it needs to be cut down i will do so gladly
 
% Yogi with Anxiety %


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 11/17/2009 10:42 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey All,

Bringing this topic to the top as I think it is a good one and here is where our members can talk about how comfortable they are sharing with others their anxiety problems and dx.



Lots of hugs



Kitt

debaser
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Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1745
   Posted 11/17/2009 5:07 PM (GMT -7)   
Well I keep it pretty much to myself. The weird thing is most of my friends have it...it just sort of turned out that way. I think I'm the 2nd worse case but that's not the reason I don't talk to them about it. I just get sick of thinking about it. They rarely bring it up so neither do I. There's one exception. I do have one friend I talk to about it a lot and she talks to me about hers.

My family doesn't understand. My parents are divorced. My mom is widowed and lives alone. She gets angry if I get anxious when I go to see her. My dad knows of the problem and isn't understanding, which is strange because he's been institutionalized three times that I know of for mental health problems. His wife is on xanax.

I don't have co-workers as I am self-employed, but my dad and I do have a working relationship. Our businesses are actually symbiotic. That's how he came to know so much about my issue. In time I have learned just not to say anything about it, though, because it brings nothing but grief.

Last time I had a girlfriend it wasn't a problem during the relationship. I didn't mention it much as it wasn't much of a problem. She saw it a few times, though. Was supportive until we broke up, at which point she said stuff about it in an effort to hurt me. I took it for what it was and it didn't bother me compared to some of the other crap that was going on.

When I was first diagnosed several years ago I was working for a company. They -- mostly strangers -- were far more sympathetic than anyone else in my life ever has been.

Am I ashamed of having anxiety? I'd like to say no, but I am a little. That's not the biggest reason why I don't share, though. The reason is I'm surrounded by (expletive), haha.
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