Feeling bullied at work and afraid to open up

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hw_chelsi
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 150
   Posted 9/7/2009 12:55 AM (GMT -7)   
I usually post on the depression boards but someone suggested maybe the anxiety boards would be better so I decided to give it a try.  I currently work as a manager at an apt. complex.  It is owned by a couple and I am the only one there except for our maintenance guy and a couple of his crew.  I have never done this type of work before.  I knew the owners prior to getting this job.  Long story.  I have little self confidence, and lots of anxiety.  The maintenance guy and I have what I would call a "love/hate" working relationship.  I am not exactly sure what it is but he seems to think he runs the place.  He is a contract employee.  When a tenant notifies me of a problem, I write it up and sometimes call him to let him know.  Sometimes he tells me the tenant has no clue what they are talking about.  Last week I had 4 tenants call in the same day to tell me that  both dryers in their bldg. were not working.  I called and reported this to him and he said that was not true.  It is almost not worth telling him about little problems.  I am afraid to say much to the owners.  I have known her longer than him and you honestly do not know one day to the next or even min. to min, how he will react.  He is very likely to totally go off on you.  I am afraid to say much to him.  Just one example,  about a year ago a tenant locked themselvs out.  They called the emerg. #.  The maintenance guy told them to call a locksmith and although I do not remember now, he may have told them we would pay for it.  I took the bill to the owner to pay and he said he was not going to pay it.  The mainteance guy finally said he was going to pay it.  I got a faxed copy of the bill again a couple of weeks ago.  I had thought it was taken care of a long time ago.  I gave it to the maintenance guy and he said he was going over to pay it.  I need to follow up.  For me, it would be much easier to pay the bill myself than say anything to the owners.  They will just get mad at him and then I have to deal with him.  I do not do well with confrontation.  I have gotten so upset with this guy at times I have said to him I was quitting.  Of course he knows I would not do that.  I need to learn to stand up to him.  Dealing with the way he treats me is not good for me.  My anxiety sometimes goes thru the roof.
 
Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
 
Thanks!
 
Chelsi

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 9/7/2009 7:09 AM (GMT -7)   
Chelsi
 
Hello and welcome to the A & P Forum.  I am glad you posted here. :-)
 
A couple of questions for clarification before I post my advice re your situation.  Are you the manager of this maintance person, does he answer directly to you?
 
Also do you have a written policy/procedure manual provided to you by the owner of the complex that states how to handle problems at the complex ?
 
Thanks and I am sure you will be hearing from others re your issues. 
 
We are here to help you.
Gentle Hugs
 
Kitt

 

Kitt,
Moderator: Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn
Anxiety/Panic, & Depression
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
"When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others."
Not a mental health professional of any kind


Nanners
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 9/7/2009 7:12 AM (GMT -7)   
I think its time you speak up to the owners. What this guy is doing is making the place you work a "hostile work enviroment". Tell the owners how he speaks to you and do not hold back. This maintainence guy sounds like a bully, and in my opinion they are going to start losing tenants because things are not being repaired as they should, and he is being rude to the tenants too. Good luck!
Gail*Nanners* Co-Moderator for Crohns Disease and Anxiety/Panic Forum
Crohn's Disease for over 33 years. Currently on Asacol, Prilosec, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain, Zofran, Phenergan, Probiotics, Calcium  w/Vit D, and Xanax as needed. Resections in 2002 and 2005. Also diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, Osteoarthritis, and Anxiety. Currently my Crohns is in remission, but my joints are going crazy!
It's scary when you start making the same noises As your coffee maker.
*Every tomorrow has two handles.  We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle of faith"*

hw_chelsi
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 150
   Posted 9/7/2009 8:27 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you for your responses.  To answer Kitt's questions.  The maintenance guy is a contract employee.  He owns his own business and the owners have contracted him to work for them.  There really is not any manual per se.  My job is to manage the complex.  I deal with showing apts. and collecting rent ect.  When a tenant calls or comes in regarding a problem, my job is to write it up on a maintenance request form.  I give him 2 copies and keep one.  I have a notebook.  When he has completed the work he is suppose to turn it back in to me so that I can keep a log of what has been done.  Sometimes I have to ask him for his reports.  He also does make-readies.  When we get an apt. rented, I let him know and I go in to the apt. after he has made it ready.  I will write up things I find that still need to be done.  I finally came up with a check list form for him to check off as he prepares an apartment.  However he refuses to do the list.  I have tried talking to one of the owners.  She basically tells me not to listen to him and that he is a guy and maintenance guys always know they are talking about (in their minds). 
 
I have grown up pretty much being wrong.  They are suppose to clean the buildings weekly including the office (well the clubhouse).  I do not st art work until noon and supposedly the cleaning is done in the mornings.  One week, I went around to all the buildings everyday except Monday.  By the end of the week it did not appear that the buildings had been cleaned.  He got very upset with me saying the buildings were cleaned on Monday.  There is no way I can prove that they were not cleaned.  I honestly believe there are weeks the clubhouse is not cleaned.  Since I cannot prove it, I pretty much have to take his word for it.  He will argue with me.  I have a tenant in my bldg. who has for sometime claimed that one of the lights in the parking shed is out.  I have told the maintenance guy and he says that is not true.  Due to family emergencies and illness, I have pretty much not been staying at the complex for several months.  On the few nights I have stayed out there I have not thought about checking the lights.  I did last night when I was out there and they are out.  This tenant also states that the light on the second floor does not come on at night.  I told the maintenance guy and he argues that he fixed the lights.  I know for a fact that they do not come on.
 
I have tried several times to get the owners to drop by unannounced and check things out but they have been busy with their jobs and family issues.  I have pretty much given up.  If I say too much to the owners, he is likely to go off on the maintenance guy causing more problems.
 
Chelsi

Nanners
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 9/7/2009 5:56 PM (GMT -7)   
Well you can't continue having him treat you like that either. No one will stand up for you honey, but you. There is a saying, no one can make you feel bad, unless YOU let them. Good luck!
Gail*Nanners* Co-Moderator for Crohns Disease and Anxiety/Panic Forum
Crohn's Disease for over 33 years. Currently on Asacol, Prilosec, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain, Zofran, Phenergan, Probiotics, Calcium  w/Vit D, and Xanax as needed. Resections in 2002 and 2005. Also diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, Osteoarthritis, and Anxiety. Currently my Crohns is in remission, but my joints are going crazy!
It's scary when you start making the same noises As your coffee maker.
*Every tomorrow has two handles.  We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle of faith"*

Allestaria
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 341
   Posted 9/7/2009 8:34 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Chelsi,

Wow, sounds like you are having a rough time with this guy. But guys do not like being told what to do from women (not all but most).
Anyway. There is a few ways to look at this.

1. Do you want to continue to be treated this way? If not you need to stand up for yourself.

2. They are ripping off your friend. He is being paid to fix these things. He is reporting they are and getting paid for it. And not actually fixing them. So he is getting paid to do nothing. Its time to make sure he is getting paid for work that is actually done.

3. Safety of your tenants is important. Lights being out and and someone falls. Law suit. Someones place gets broken into and the lights are out and the tenants runs into the burglars. Law Suit.

I would talk to your boss. Explain some of the things I have mentioned above. You are concerned about things not getting done. That they are paying someone to not work. Safety of the tenants which includes your safety.

Next, don't take smack from this guy. He doesn't "work" for you. And if he isn't doing his job make sure to let him know you know. The tables will turn.

You must must must stand up for yourself. Being a door mat for someone to wipe their feet on is not a place anyone should be.

I'm sure you are stronger then you think. Dig deep you will find your inner strength and use it!!

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 9/8/2009 6:52 AM (GMT -7)   

Good Morning,

Thank you so much for answering the questions and it helped to give me insight into how things work with your boss. :-)

The reason people get away with the kind of behavior that you have described is because they can and have. As long as there is a payoff for negative behavior, it will continue. When the rewards are no longer present  then, and only then, will this unacceptable behavior change.

If this guy  continues to goof off, you  need to take it to your boss IMHO.  It is important that you go armed with the facts, not just an accusation that he is not doing his job, but exactly how it is affecting you and the tenants of the complex.

When you are making rounds and you see areas that have not been cleaned you may want to take some pictures and make sure you note the dates and times the pictures were taken.  Also document what the tenants are telling you but  just their comments, date and time.  Do not include how you feel emotionally.

Remember to be assertive and not aggressive. I hope you soon take steps in talking with your boss. This "guy" is being paid to do his job and therefore he should be doing it.

Best wishes,
Kitt


 

Kitt,
Moderator: Osteoarthritis, GERD/Heartburn
Anxiety/Panic, & Depression
*~*
http://www.healingwell.com/donate *~*
"When you find peace within yourself, you become the kind of person who can live at peace with others."
Not a mental health professional of any kind


Precious Gem
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1139
   Posted 9/8/2009 7:45 AM (GMT -7)   

All of the above are great ideas.  Especially taking pictures and maybe doing some personal follow-up on complaints.  Your job is to keep the tenants happy, right?  I would sit down and talk to the owners, with documented back-up, and set some boundries for acceptable and unacceptable behavior from your maintenance crew.  I know it is stressful and this causes anxiety.  Just keep working on solutions and you will get there!

Gem


snakeeyes148
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 9/9/2009 11:30 AM (GMT -7)   
You have to be a bit more professional towards your job dear.
This maintenance guy is no good to the clients, in this case the tenants, and will only spoil your name. You are accountable to your boss for making things work and hence you should do it.

Barcadia101
New Member


Date Joined Sep 2009
Total Posts : 15
   Posted 9/9/2009 11:33 AM (GMT -7)   
My advice to you is to do a formal write up to your boss about the ill behavior of this guy and the fact that he is not working. If needed, you can request few tenants to signature the letter along with yourself.

Nova Scotia Lass
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 16
   Posted 9/12/2009 3:10 AM (GMT -7)   
I think sexism is playing a huge part here. Document, document - then provide your bosses with your evidence. It seems one of you may have to move on - and he's hoping it's you.
"It's never too late to have a happy childhood". Tom Robbins, 'Still Life with Woodpecker'.

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