Day 1 without Vicodin, feeling the most depressed I ever have .....

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Paulos
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 201
   Posted 11/21/2009 3:48 PM (GMT -7)   
Saddest I've been in a little while... Day 1 off the Vicodin, crying so hard, mucus around my nose just cleaned it .... and crying so much, thinking my mind is mush and thinking I'm the dumbest person around... and unhealthy physically... I feel like I lost my best friend with the Vicodin or something else in my head is so imbalanced ... I ... I can't ... I just want to be happy... with the things I love to do, why is this happening to me? It's not ... right... I haven't felt this way in ... like a year... no ... no not this feeling again... anything but this.......... no.............
"Make a joke and I will sigh, and you will laugh and I will cry. Happiness I cannot feel, and love to me is so unreal."-Loony from Rings of Power

Medications on: Zoloft-50mg daily-For Depression
Darvocet-3 Pills a day-Pain
Xanax-3mg a day-For Anxiety


Paulos
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 201
   Posted 11/21/2009 3:49 PM (GMT -7)   
skitt you said you wanted me to mail you in my other ... vic post ... ... :holds head: god I don't know what I'm going to do.

Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 11/21/2009 4:26:52 PM (GMT-7)


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 11/21/2009 4:29 PM (GMT -7)   
Paulos, Sometimes I feel like you are not being honest with us and perhaps seeking attention. I deleted your email from the forum as it is not good to post personal info in an open forum. My email is just a click away as my icon is lit up blue if you would like to talk privately.

I wish you peace with your demons.

Kitt

Barbz
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 848
   Posted 11/21/2009 6:37 PM (GMT -7)   
Paulos I can just imagine what you are going through with getting off the vicodin. I was just on them for 4 days after i had surgery for a kidney stone and wow I quit taking them and it caused me anxiety attacks which i have not had in years. Just know you are better off without them. I have a sister that is addicted to them and she lost her house and everything. She now is weining herself off them. good luck and god bless you. Barb

Naps With Cats
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 66
   Posted 11/21/2009 8:20 PM (GMT -7)   
Paulos,
 
My mom who had 2 neck surgeries has been on Vicodin for yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeears and she always tends to run out early and begs for more about 4 or 5 days before they're due and also cries in pain and can't be around anyone or talk - 1. Because of the severe pain; 2. Because of the withdrawal as Vicodin is so very addicting.
 
They gave it to me when I herniated my disc and it was too strong, so I asked for something different and they gave me Darvocet which, interestingly, didn't totally take away the pain as you knew it was there, but I had a feeling of "dwooziness" (a word I made up).
 
Hey Kitt, when I was in the hospital for being suicidal, I remember over-hearing some of the workers there referring to people as "attention seekers" and that label just tears me apart.  I just kind of believe there's a kinder way to refer to someone; I mean, if they need attention (it could be attention for love, care, help, medical attention - anything), they need attention and it doesn't make for a bad person.  I would cringe when I heard this one guy at the hospital say this girl and that guy are "just seeking attention" or "attention seekers" like it's a diagnosis.  This may be coming off as rude - totally not my intention - just going through an extraordinarily rough time right now and PTSD being triggered every single day by "abuse of power" and "power-over" issues.  It's so bad right now I can't even talk about it, but will always speak up for others.
 
Also, in your last sentence, "I wish you peace with your demons" . . . that just doesn't sound like something you would say as it sounds (in word) to me as if you are giving up on this person by that statement.  (That's how I receive it, anyways).  Is everything okay with you?  Are you in need of anything right now?
 
Anyways, just wanted to share (third-hand through my mom's experience) some empathy for Paulo on your first day off of Vicodin.  Try to remember it's a passing thing - "this too shall pass" and you'll feel so much better.
 
Julie O'
 


loverain
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 218
   Posted 11/22/2009 6:25 AM (GMT -7)   
My Mom and her family didn't listen to her uncle when he cried for help repeatedly...my Mom said he was like the little boy who "cried wolf" and he just wanted attention. One day he called and cried for the last time. He was found shot to death...by his own hand. This uncle had many addictions...alcohol, prescription drugs...he was a very needy person, indeed, to the very end. The family got tired of listening to him and trying to help him. On the other hand the uncle didn't really listen to himself...he knew what his problems were and he just cried to the family...he didn't try to help himself other than trying to stop drinking and taking the drugs of his addiction...only to go back to them again and again.

Paulos, try harder to be your own "helper" as you know what your problems are...you seem to be quite in tune with your inner self and you know what is hurting you. You say you are physically unhealthy...start eating a balanced diet and drink plenty of fluids...this may sound like a small thing to do, but getting healthy will make a lot of difference in the way you feel. Get some fresh air and exercise. At least try to work on your health issues and get that much going right...

Sending healing prayers your way,

Joni

jujub
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Mar 2003
Total Posts : 10391
   Posted 11/22/2009 6:34 AM (GMT -7)   
I think what Kitt was pointing out that on 11/16, Paulos said his mother took away all his Vicodin, then on 11/21 he said it was his first day off Vicodin. There is a five-day difference there, and that could lead someone to think perhaps this person isn't being totally honest.

I feel quite sure Kitt, who we all know is a kind and gentle soul, was not suggesting that most people reporting these feelings are attention seeking.

vestabula
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 2855
   Posted 11/22/2009 8:06 AM (GMT -7)   

I too noticed that on 11/16 he said something about his Mom taking away his vicodin and his step father replacing them with Advil.

Paulos...you seem like a very articulate and intelligent person.  Certainly, if you continue to describe yourself as a 'loser' your self fulfilling prophecy will come true.  Take it from one who knows.   Don't do that to yourself.  Furthermore, there are ways to come off Vicodin without going cold turkey, and suffering dibilitaitng withdrawals.   If you do not have the support of your family, seek out help through other sources.  No forum can help you do this through cyber space...only try to comfort you from a distance.  Pick up the phone and make some calls.  I promise you, someone will help you....but you have to be prepared to do the work it takes to recover.

peace

Donna


fibro, menieres disease, RLS, anxiety disorder, disc compression, scoliosis, spinal stenosis TMJ  Meds: valium Advil


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 11/22/2009 12:09 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you Judy, you said that well. I apprecaite your support.

For the newer members, as this is a peer support site I do my very best to help members in whatever way I feel may benefit them the most and in no way was I being nasty or disrespectful to Paulos.

We have been working together on his addiction problems for 2 years this December so there is a lot of history you may not be aware of.

Getting a family member or friend the treatment they need is a huge and important step and I fear that Paulos does not have the support in his life that would help him kick his habits. Ultimately, the decision to stay sober must come from the recovering addict, in this case Paulos. When I see what appears to be discrepancies in his post I will ask him about it.

Many recovering addicts relapse in response to stress and due to poor problem solving and coping skills. The recovering addict needs to take responsibility for their life, and this in fact is a part of the healing process. This was my purpose in posting what I did as I want Paulos to be held accountable for his actions. Enabling him is not the way to help him.

I wish many members peace whether it be with an addiction or a mental health problem, a heart condition or a personal problem. I do not use the word peace lightly.

I will sign off now but sadly I do feel people have judged me wrongly. I was on Vicodin and had to detox off of it, I know the pain as I have been there. I am not just a moderator but a peer with the same dx as all of you, I have anxiety and depression. I do my very best to be kind and helpful to all. This thread was not about me but about helping Paulos stay strong and perhaps this time find a way to stay off of the Vicodin and the Alcohol.

Respectfully
Kitt

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 11/23/2009 10:55 AM (GMT -7)   
You need to re read kitts post and other posts...she is always here helping others obviously you did not get at all what she was saying...btw this is about PAULOS....and you do not know all the history..i hv been off morphine oxycontin n percocets for 3 mths and i will make it because of ppl here like KITT AND MEMBERS....... the support..caring that is here...i found your post to be very rude and one sided...thats me ....lyn....

 


..                          Co Moderator for Crohns , Anxiety/Panic ,Alzheimers....
 
           Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum ,Seizures ,Fibro ,completely Deaf ,Anxiety/Panic,Neuropathy..
 
......I COULD feel sorry for self but where would that get me....I CHOOSE  to fight n survive...
 
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                                                        Lyn

Post Edited (Howlyncat) : 11/23/2009 11:25:51 AM (GMT-7)


Barbz
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 848
   Posted 11/23/2009 2:17 PM (GMT -7)   
I am very upset about all the post on here. I cant believe that people are here for help and it turns into this big ordeal. The focus here should only be for helping people not condeming. Especially in a anxiety forum where people are more sensitive anyway. Lets all just be more positive to everyone!! Thank you.. Barb

Nanners
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 11/23/2009 2:37 PM (GMT -7)   
Barbz I think you really need to go back and read what the Mods have said. Paulos has been posting similar things for years. We have tried multiple times to support him and to get him to get the help he needs, but all we ever get are these strange occasional posts. Things are starting to sound questionable, that is why folks are now questioning what he has been telling us.

Barbz, you also need to be sensitive to the fact the we mods of this forum are also sufferers of anxiety/panic and depression ourselves, and we do take to heart sometimes hateful comments directed at us too. So please remember that in the future.

Blessings,
Gail*Nanners*
Gail*Nanners* Co-Moderator for Crohns Disease and Anxiety/Panic Forum
Crohn's Disease for over 33 years. Currently on Asacol, Prilosec, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain, Zofran, Phenergan, Probiotics, Calcium  w/Vit D, and Xanax as needed. Resections in 2002 and 2005. Also diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, Osteoarthritis, and Anxiety. Currently my Crohns is in remission, but my joints are going crazy!
It's scary when you start making the same noises As your coffee maker.
*Every tomorrow has two handles.  We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle of faith"*

Nanners
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 11/23/2009 2:41 PM (GMT -7)   
Barbz, Especially read Judy2's post. Thank you!
Gail*Nanners* Co-Moderator for Crohns Disease and Anxiety/Panic Forum
Crohn's Disease for over 33 years. Currently on Asacol, Prilosec, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain, Zofran, Phenergan, Probiotics, Calcium  w/Vit D, and Xanax as needed. Resections in 2002 and 2005. Also diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, Osteoarthritis, and Anxiety. Currently my Crohns is in remission, but my joints are going crazy!
It's scary when you start making the same noises As your coffee maker.
*Every tomorrow has two handles.  We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle of faith"*

Barbz
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 848
   Posted 11/23/2009 5:04 PM (GMT -7)   
Nanners I was in no way pointing any fingers at kitt so please dont put words in my mouth. I respect all of the mods on here and think you all do a good job but we really dont need to keep the negative going. Im refering to this thread keeps going because people keep posting on kitt's reaction to this post. Do you understand now where i am coming from ?

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 11/23/2009 5:23 PM (GMT -7)   
Barbz,

I am right here and would just like to say I do have a right to react whether it is a healthy reaction or not but I too have triggers as I have been through a lot but also come a long way and through my own experiences I give 100% to this forum. When others get upset or need support I am there, when you are sad and crying, I am there and when you have questions re meds or dx I will find the answers for you. Again this thread was not about me but somehow I became the topic of conversation as someone felt I was not reacting they way they would have.



I am sorry my post was taken the wrong way by members but Paulos has not sent me any email indicating that he is upset and the two of us have been working on his addiction for 2 years.



I am so sorry if you find all this upsetting. I feel bad that you do as this has always been a close knit community.




With kindest personal regards,

Kitt

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 11/23/2009 5:25 PM (GMT -7)   
This thread is closed. If anyone wants to talk with me my email is open. Any further comments in the open forum will be deleted.


Kitt
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