Cycle of My Thoughts

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Mike619er
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Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 429
   Posted 11/28/2009 12:15 PM (GMT -7)   

Your mind starts racing and worrying about things that aren't in your control, you tell yourself to stop and it works, then you just wind up sitting there staring off into nowhere not thinking of anything, then you start worrying about the fact that you're spacing and a zombie, then you start worrying about why you feel that way, you tell yourself to stop and it all starts all over again.

 

People tell you to start looking at other people who are worse off for you, and it's not that you don't feel bad for them, you do.  But instead of making you feel as if you're in a good situation, it gives you the impression that everyone is all messed up and life is overall pretty darn miserable.   So the coping method really doesn't seem to deliver the right message, just gets you right back to where you started.

 

And last but not least you're so consumed by all these emotions and feelings that you're mind is completely exhausted.  What have you done your whole life before this when you've been tired?  You lie down and go to sleep, fat chance.  You lie down in your bed and try to sleep off the exhaustion and worries but only wind up staring down the ceiling or the clock and time doesn't seem to move.  You get up and find something to do, not something you really want to do, only something you need to do to hopefully get yourself tired enough to eventually be able to go to sleep.

 

This is the cycle I'm living, this is what I need to change, but it just seems like big ass giant circle and I keep getting back to where I started.  Where's the reset button so I can go back 2 months and not deal with this crap?


Howlyncat
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Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 11/28/2009 1:14 PM (GMT -7)   
I LOVE hw for this reason you WILL always find ppl that know exactly what you are talking about and go thru it .....i have to admit that it never ceases to amaze me when someone posts on a really bad day i am having to and they are dealing with same/simuliar demons......i really did write a post very simuliar to yours when i first found hw......i thought i was unique this was only happening to me..wow was i wrong....there are so many here that will connect with you on this i know i do...STINKING THINKING...thats what i call it my mind will not SHUT OFF..thus the headaches......i worry about worrying lol...seriously i am so much a worrier many here are...anticipatory anxiety......i always expect the worst to happen my mind will never shut down or does for a couple of hours i believe thats why i had the seizure i was so exhausted and heartbroken i just blew a gasket...my first 3 weeks at home i slept all the time..... now due to my memory coming back i am starting the worry and stinking thinking cycle all over again i just despise it.......the tv is my escape its what i use to get away all the while watching time move so slowly forward....another night...another day can i make it thru.....you bet yer ahem i can and i will i have too i am tired of living my life with this anxiety ruling my every moment...CBT helped me but i know that the caring aqnd support i found here was what literally and still does keep me going.....i sometimes feel like a bomb waiting to explode and now with being deaf it is moreso as i hv hard time communicating with ppl and so i sit qietly feelig very alone......giving my mind more time to race..i have started making myself go for small walks with pup.....write some letters....keeping a journal......i also will go for rides with daughter n bf just to get out i dont want to be totally housebound thats just not me and i refuse to let a/p take any more from me it takes enough...i know others will also relate to your post it was like i had written it myself...you are sure not alone in this...lyn
..                          Co Moderator for Crohns , Anxiety/Panic ,Alzheimers....
 
           Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum ,Seizures ,Fibro ,completely Deaf ,Anxiety/Panic,Neuropathy..
 
......I COULD feel sorry for self but where would that get me....I CHOOSE  to fight n survive...
 
.                                    Donate  www.healingwell,com 
 
                                                        Lyn


Mike619er
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 429
   Posted 11/28/2009 1:34 PM (GMT -7)   
I just actually read up on a site about CBT and got the main idea of it but it mentioned books, therapy and all that.  Is CBT just a way of thinking that I'm going to be gaining tips from a book or something that a doctor works with you through sessions?

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 11/28/2009 1:43 PM (GMT -7)   
You can do this cbt online ...moodgyms.com i believe it is the best i have seen..let me know if i hv the site right for you i am on for a bit more lol..lyn

smilewinkgrin  brought the cbt thread up for you to go thru see each response yourself i feel it is the best.........let me know k ...lyn


..                          Co Moderator for Crohns , Anxiety/Panic ,Alzheimers....
 
           Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum ,Seizures ,Fibro ,completely Deaf ,Anxiety/Panic,Neuropathy..
 
......I COULD feel sorry for self but where would that get me....I CHOOSE  to fight n survive...
 
.                                    Donate  www.healingwell,com 
 
                                                        Lyn

Post Edited (Howlyncat) : 11/28/2009 2:46:08 PM (GMT-7)


Mike619er
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 429
   Posted 11/28/2009 3:31 PM (GMT -7)   
Well after doing the CBT I realized that I'm way off the charts for my age lol. I guess that's something I should have realized considering my current situation of how I'm feeling. It did show me ways I should think so I guess that's a good thing. Now it's just a matter of trying and switching the way I perceive and think of events from negatively to positively. Just wish I could actually think right now without giving myself such an insane headache to actually work on this stuff.

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 11/28/2009 3:44 PM (GMT -7)   
Mike it is not easy but it can be done.....i really dont see age playing that much of a role its your thinking patterns and positive verses negative thinking.....no not suppose to give self headache.....im blaming mine on GOOD OLE CANUCK weather,,,,LYN
..                          Co Moderator for Crohns , Anxiety/Panic ,Alzheimers....
 
           Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum ,Seizures ,Fibro ,completely Deaf ,Anxiety/Panic,Neuropathy..
 
......I COULD feel sorry for self but where would that get me....I CHOOSE  to fight n survive...
 
.                                    Donate  www.healingwell,com 
 
                                                        Lyn


Mike619er
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 429
   Posted 11/28/2009 4:51 PM (GMT -7)   
Yea I'm trying to have a positive outlook on things, going to give this CBT a serious try.  Was just talking over with a family member about some things I've gone through and was wonderinng if anyone else had this feeling as well.  Anyone else often FEEL comfortable around people whom you know you're already accepted around?  For example, within the last 2 months I've become even very anxious and uncomfortable around family and friends.  Just doesn't seem normal to me, even though I was always nervous around new people or public places I always felt at home and pretty comfortable around them.  Just another thing thats bugging me, love completely lately.

Mike619er
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 429
   Posted 11/29/2009 3:27 AM (GMT -7)   
Well made it through another bad night. Can never sleep for more then a 30 min interval and had some pretty weird dreams in the process, hopefully thats just that Cymbalta giving me these vivid dreams. Was wondering too if itching is a part of anxiety? Seem to always be doin that lately as well, got so many things going on at once lately. Well, back to go lay down and see if I can get an hour in for a change.

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 11/29/2009 11:19 AM (GMT -7)   
Morning Mike.....i am a person thats really not able to sleep unless i take something to induce sleep sometimes a hot milk works depending on how wired n tired i am...my mind literally doesnt shut off i tell my doc i wish i had on/off switch to play with.....i use to love being around my family but since we have lost mom n dad and i am the eldest i seem to have grown from them or maybe they feel they are now in need of protecting me since i was so ill..i dont know but it got to the point of my family just made me ridiculously uneasy and uncomfortable so i have stayed away from family functions all the past few months....i know i have to make an effort at Christmas and i am already having anticipatory anxiety over it ...i am now honestly making efforts with the new anti depressant....i think my biggest thought is they saw me at my very weakest with tubes everywhere and it kinda makes me feel i have let them down in a way as their big sis ..i was always the one able to help strong and encouraged them i feel they now have seen me at my weakest making me so vulnerable and thats something i dont like to be anyways ya know...........................................................................................................you mention lots going on is there anything you can or want to talk about or share......how long have you been on cymbalta do you take anything else for a/p thats fast acting like ativan...or xanax.........i know others will be here after holiday mine was last mth here in Canada so i am sure ya will not only have my input this really is a great place n the ppl do care...take care you...lyn
..                          Co Moderator for Crohns , Anxiety/Panic ,Alzheimers....
 
           Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum ,Seizures ,Fibro ,completely Deaf ,Anxiety/Panic,Neuropathy..
 
......I COULD feel sorry for self but where would that get me....I CHOOSE  to fight n survive...
 
.                                    Donate  www.healingwell,com 
 
                                                        Lyn


Mike619er
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 429
   Posted 11/29/2009 12:06 PM (GMT -7)   
I honestly do not know where to even start Lyn.  My mind is jumping every which way and thinking of just about everything that has happened to me over the years.  The only two standout things are my jaw surgery and my mugging but then I feel guilty about how I skipped out of college because of what I guess you could call social anxiety.  Never been diagnosed with it but always felt nervous and anxious in class, was only able to obtain a 2 year degree.  Currently work for my fathers company, used to work at a deli before that for awhile but realized that wasn't going to be getting me anywhere and went to try and take over the family business.  Got fed up with the family business in the summer time cause I felt like I wasn't getting proper respect and pay there so I went back to school but once again realized that wasn't for me.  Then this onset of unbelievable anxiety hit me, this headache is tingling today too and I can't even enjoy the football games on.  So worried this isn't gonna end.  Feel bad blowing off my friends too they keep calling to hang out but atleast I was honest and told them Im on these anxiety medications now and am going through something.  I just don't know how to rebound from this, feeling pretty darn hopeless.  Also Lyn or anyone out there, the first two weeks this started I completely lost my appetite, lately I've had a nonstop appetite able to eat anything, not really hungry I just do it more from out of being nervous I think.  And everything I seem to do, be it talking, eating, working, etc is all sped up.  Family is telling me I'm doing everything 100 mph.  That a normal side effect of anxiety?

debaser
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1745
   Posted 11/29/2009 12:19 PM (GMT -7)   
I know what you're talking about, Mike. I myself have never tried the CBT but I understand its principles and have seen people here and elsewhere benefit from it. I think you could benefit from it as well. Anxiety is partly physical but how you as an individual perceive things has a whole lot to do with it, too.

The sleep problems I really identify with. There doesn't seem to be an easy cure and if my journey is any indication, you may never again sleep like you used to. However, it can improve. I do not sleep "well" but I sleep "well enough" most of the time and I am perfectly functional. It takes some work to get through the bad streaks that I still have. Last week was a bad streak for me. I had no trouble going to sleep, but I found that I couldn't help but to wake up incredibly early in the morning. Very odd.

And I know what the non-REM dreams are like. I do not have nightmares, but those dreams sure are strange for me and often disturbing. Normally, of course, you would not remember having most of them. You're likely remembering them because you're waking up while they are still going on.

Anyway, if I were you I would definitely give that CBT a go. Don't expect it to be a perfect linear improvement. There will be steps forward and steps backward as you go. Do not get discouraged. I'm not a big believer in sleeping pills or anything like that, but if you could get deeper sleep I think that alone would improve your mental state. I would speak to a doctor about it. In the meantime you probably know how to deal with sleeplessness. Dark room. Remove the TV. Don't do anything in your bedroom except sleep. Well that and make love if you're not single. Anyway don't watch television in there or even read a book. They say your mind needs to associate your bed with sleep and nothing else. There are sites about this topic you can find through Google. They've helped me.

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 11/29/2009 2:23 PM (GMT -7)   
Mike...i was going for days literally w/o eating only drinking ginger ale then went thru the munchies i was eating non stop all day long to the point of being totally uncomfortable with self..i was doing this out of pure boredom and anxiety....my daughter cait has to be in all doc appointments with me and the last few she has grabbed my arms looked me in eyes and said .........iwith love lol......MOM ITS okay calm down you are talking so fast mixing stuff up shaking and i was...... i was and do go inti severe panic modes...now more than before due to lack of hearing....probably why i dont sleep again......i truly am fortunate to hv a great doc thats understanding and has very well been on this journey of hades with me...my mind goes all over about my parents husband akk the losses in my life then i deal with the physical losses as well deaf about 100 lbs if lucky...back in the not hungry stage of this dd......but because of what happened last time i force self to eat something i hv become a shell of myself.....physically/emotionally....my daughter looks at me in total cofusion and fear sleeps on the lr floor as i am on couch..dont make it to bed....cant do stairs everyday......amxiety can really do damage to a person i am a survivor though n i will keep going ..i know you can too ......i know its easier said then done but try not to b over critical of self n past you cant change what has happened but you can make new beginnings count....that mugging is was a life altering experience agaist your personal space and that has to be difficult i am so sorry you went threw that i cannot even imagine but you r taking some steps now talking about it to a stranger///one that cares//// imho you are taking back your life as you should do that was out of your control whoever did this was the one in wrong not you so dont blame self plz......i hope i hv helped i am so sorry ....lyn
..                          Co Moderator for Crohns , Anxiety/Panic ,Alzheimers....
 
           Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum ,Seizures ,Fibro ,completely Deaf ,Anxiety/Panic,Neuropathy..
 
......I COULD feel sorry for self but where would that get me....I CHOOSE  to fight n survive...
 
.                                    Donate  www.healingwell,com 
 
                                                        Lyn


Mike619er
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 429
   Posted 11/29/2009 2:35 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks for all the thoughts and kind words.  For the last 2 hours I've actually had a boring, emotionless, but.....ANXIETY FREE time.  So that's a positive for sure, just so weird the peaks and valleys you go through throughout a day with this.  One thing that bugs me though and I know Lyn kind of touched on it was the eating.  Well I also mean anything in general, I seem to do be doing just about everything I do VERY quickly.  That a side effect of anxiety?  I can't seem to slow myself down.  And thank you also for the sleeping tips I will definetly try that, I've been on ambien at night but I don't really see a difference I was up all night last night on the pill anyway and I never truly feel comfortable relying on any sort of pills in the first place.  Hangin in there and toughin it out, I'm kinda ocding with this site though gotta work on stop checking it every 5 min lol

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 11/29/2009 3:09 PM (GMT -7)   
LOL too funny......you hv a sense of ha ha GOOD......thats how i got to be number one poster i was always on here this place and the ppl i met saved this ole bag o bones butt more than once ill tell you...i hv friends from here so near n dear to my heart.....i am in rapid mode all the time whether i am talking or trying to read lips.....food became an inconveniece for me i just could not be bothered then i went full circle it became another obsession for me i have OCD as well///an escape if you will a way to mark time i guess i swear sometimes my eyes are bigger than my face from being on alert and awake i cant wont shut off when i do i am only down for a bit...hot milk is natural and i know for me it is soothing many ppl drink it with a drop of cinnamon on top it has a natural ingredient that is activated when heated..i love the feeling it gives me soothing calming...its hard to explain to those that dont live with what we do how we feel...yes they listen try to understand very much but they cant totally...i was at my lowest when i found HW and it really has been a life saver for me.....at times when my world was falling around me i was picked up n helped by so so many ppl here,i was going thru wd when i forgot how to use puter lol...but am back maybe not 100 percent yet but its a start.....there is so many things i can touxh on but mind is racing ya know i just know that you are gonna b okay n that you will meet ppl here that truly get what you are going thru......as for the need for speed in all i do thats a big yes..i am so wanna slow down.....wish i had shut off switch really but not like it happened last time that was scary to wake up weeks after...the mind truly is amazing but it is also dangerous to be on alert all the time......your body cannot cope with that forever imho and experience...hv you seen anyone about being mugged ...that would terrify me it really would i am sure you hv unfinished business with that n you need to talk about it opening up here was a good thing i think but you need to talk more get the hurt anger out of you that def is a life altering thing...be well my new friend...lyn
..                          Co Moderator for Crohns , Anxiety/Panic ,Alzheimers....
 
           Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum ,Seizures ,Fibro ,completely Deaf ,Anxiety/Panic,Neuropathy..
 
......I COULD feel sorry for self but where would that get me....I CHOOSE  to fight n survive...
 
.                                    Donate  www.healingwell,com 
 
                                                        Lyn


tygriff
New Member


Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 11/30/2009 10:45 AM (GMT -7)   
Mike,
 
I know what you are feeling.  In August, my anxiety hit again and I did not sleep for 7-10 days.  My Dr. prescribed a sleeping pill and that helped.  The lack of sleep amplifies my reaction to anxiety.  I was on the sleeping pills for 4 weeks and then I got back to my regular sleeping pattern.
As for not going out with friends, you got to go.  By not going out with them you are only giving in to the anxiety and keeping the circle of fear going.
Think to yourself, what is the worse that can happen?  You have a panic attack - so what!!!  They are your friends and they won't look at you like you are weird or something is wrong.  Heck, you might find out they have family members or other friends that have a similar condition.
The quicker you return to doing things like going out with friends and socializing, the faster your anxiety will decrease.
From my personal experience, the first couple of times you go out with your friends, you will definitely feel anxious.  Likely worrying about whether they notice if your anxious.  Eventually, your body will realize that there is nothing to fear in these situations and you will feel alot better. 
For me, I had to do many things again and again to reduce my anxiety.  Mainly because I began avoiding things (like driving).  
 
If you face your fears (don't avoid anything) you will feel better much quicker.
 
Good luck.

Mike619er
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 429
   Posted 11/30/2009 11:07 AM (GMT -7)   
Yea I'm actually going out tonight with some friends and making an effort to try and not give into the anxiety.  As far as the sleeping goes I really haven't slept at all in the last 2 months and find it hard to concentrate on anything at all that I'm doing sometimes.  Doctor even prescribed me ambien to help me sleep but that doens't even work, have even tried melatonin and tylenol pm but nothing seems to do the trick.  2 months of not sleeping is really taking its toll on me, walking around extremely exhausted all day now.  Memory is slipping even more lately too, I'm assuming combination of the anxiety/insomnia I'm dealing with.

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 11/30/2009 12:24 PM (GMT -7)   
Could you talk to your doc about something to sleep and help with anxiety....... xanax, ativan are good imho.....had very rough night self here so am gonna try to lay head down for a bit ...see you later...be well...lyn
..                          Co Moderator for Crohns , Anxiety/Panic ,Alzheimers....
 
           Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum ,Seizures ,Fibro ,completely Deaf ,Anxiety/Panic,Neuropathy..
 
......I COULD feel sorry for self but where would that get me....I CHOOSE  to fight n survive...
 
.                                    Donate  www.healingwell,com 
 
                                                        Lyn


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 11/30/2009 2:47 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello Mike,

Lyn and all have been giving you so much great info that I did not post until now. I had a major meltdown in 2006 and at that time I could not sleep which caused me to be up most of the night in tears and then dose off about an hour b/4 I had to get up at 5:00AM for work.

My Doctor finally started me on Trazodone 100mg - 150 mg at bedtime and after the 2nd or 3rd dose I found I slept again.................and I am still on the medication.

It would be another med you might want to discuss with your physician. No foggy feeling and you can adjust the dose down or up depending on where it works for you. Most of the time I only take 100mg but I do fall asleep and if I awake to early well I at least had 6 hours of sleep.

I wish you peace,

Kitt

Willowrose
Veteran Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 699
   Posted 12/1/2009 9:35 PM (GMT -7)   
Mike - in reading your posts I can identify with a lot of what you say. I'm taking in the great advice and wisdom offered to you; I need to hear it too. I'm wondering if you have ruled out any physiological cause for your anxiety, sleeplessness, and other symptoms. The things you describe could be caused by anxiety, but could also have a physiological involvement. If you keep approaching this as a strictly anxiety issue, and it isn't helped by what you're trying, you might want to consider, if not already done, making sure you don't have something else going on.

I hope your outing yesterday went well.

stkitt - I tried Trazodone for sleep. By the time I got to the dose that worked (wonderfully!), I developed severe stomach trouble and had to discontinue it. Did you have any stomach trouble when you first started it? I'm thinking of trying it again along with Zantac to see if that will work.

Rose
I have Lyme; it doesn't have me.


Mike619er
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 429
   Posted 12/2/2009 3:24 AM (GMT -7)   
Well I have gotten all my bloodwork and a cat scan done and everything came back normal.  Yesterday at work I had a pretty good day but seemed to get filled with tons of anxiety once I was done with work.  Was pacing around not knowing what to do, wound up having to go to a family members house.  And actually when i closed my eyes to sleep I was seeing/hallucinating maybe some old man laughing at me, wasn't asleep because I had just laid down.  Was pretty happy that when I opened my eyes he wasn't still there, but that totally freaked me out for the rest of the day.  Had a rough night sleeping again even with the Ativan and Ambien pills I took last night.
 
~Mike

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 12/2/2009 5:26 AM (GMT -7)   
morning mike..ya i had another rough one myself..holidays getting closer am getting sick with cold go out in snow with pup to play n i pay dearly ..i am glad you are still posting n i hope you see ppl here do get it n do care..what is with the man laughing has that got to do with mugging if thats to personal just let me know i understand...keep safe n try to hv a good day i hv docs at 11 so will b on this afternoon...lyn

kitt mentioned trazadone i 4got about that it works 4 me stops mind from stinking thinking.......


..                          Co Moderator for Crohns , Anxiety/Panic ,Alzheimers....
 
           Crohns,Pyoderma Gangrenosum ,Seizures ,Fibro ,completely Deaf ,Anxiety/Panic,Neuropathy..
 
......I COULD feel sorry for self but where would that get me....I CHOOSE  to fight n survive...
 
.                                    Donate  www.healingwell,com 
 
                                                        Lyn


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 12/2/2009 5:45 AM (GMT -7)   
 
Hey there, in response to your questions re Trazodone, I also have GERD and take a PPI (Prilosec) daily so if the Trazodone does cause stomach upset my Prilosec may have prevented that from happening for me.
 
Hope this helps in some small way,
 
Kitt

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 12/6/2009 6:02 PM (GMT -7)   
How r you doing MIKE...LYN
                          
                                Co Mod for Crohns, Anxiety/Panic, Alzheimers
 
 
                    Crohns,pyoderma gangrenosum,fibro,neuropathy,seizures,deaf                                       
 
         
               There is always someone worse off than I am,,I count my BLESSINGS
 
                                   Donate to www.HealingWell.com
 
 
                                                     LYN


Mike619er
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 429
   Posted 12/7/2009 1:23 PM (GMT -7)   
Hanging in there for the most part, tryin to relax and realize that this really bad time will pass and things will return to semi normal soon enough.  Think the meds are working a little bit cause I'm a little more relaxed, still have my bad moments though.  We'll see how everything goes when I talk things over with my doc tomorrow, how are things with you going?

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 12/7/2009 5:55 PM (GMT -7)   
Am glad things are a wee bit better for you...let me know what doc says ...if u want that is.......me i am doing okay had a seizure last night but came thru it with one hades of a headache......am getting stressed about holidays coming my mom n dad are both gone now and this was our fav time of year......i miss them so much........keep staying strong my friend you will get thru this...tc...huggles..lyn
                          
                                Co Mod for Crohns, Anxiety/Panic, Alzheimers
   Crohns..Pyoderma gangrenosum,..Anxiety / panic..Fibromyalgia,,Neuropathy...Deaf...Seizures
 
                        I DONT COMPLAIN...OTHERS ARE WORSE OFF THAN I AM                                   
                                                     .....LYN.......
                                Donate to..www..healingwell.com.
                                                    
                                                 
 
                              
 

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