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headscratcher
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 11/30/2009 10:08 AM (GMT -7)   
i am a young single mom. i currently have a boyfriend and it is by far the strangest relationship i have ever been in. we never wanted to date, are not in love and are now planning the break up. its taking a toll on me as i have a million money and life stresses without this mess!! i am a very emotionally dependant person and i have trouble being alone (yes i know im not alone, i have my son but that isnt the connection i am longing for...does that make me a bad person?) i want to learn how to be emotionally independant and i have no idea how... my whole life my mother was the same way... how do i change something that was bred in me??

Nanners
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 11/30/2009 10:13 AM (GMT -7)   
Its hard, but what you have to do is first find out that it is okay for you to be alone. I went thru this after a divorce. Kept getting hurt, so I made the decision to stay single for awhile until I become comfortable in my own skin, and was okay being alone. I really don't think you can really be in a healthy relationship until you are comfortable being on your own. Hope that made some sense. Hugs!
Gail*Nanners* Co-Moderator for Crohns Disease and Anxiety/Panic Forum
Crohn's Disease for over 33 years. Currently on Asacol, Prilosec, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain, Zofran, Phenergan, Probiotics, Calcium  w/Vit D, and Xanax as needed. Resections in 2002 and 2005. Also diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, Osteoarthritis, and Anxiety. Currently my Crohns is in remission, but my joints are going crazy!
It's scary when you start making the same noises As your coffee maker.
*Every tomorrow has two handles.  We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle of faith"*

headscratcher
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 11/30/2009 3:03 PM (GMT -7)   
thanks, that sounds easier said than done lol, im such an over-thinker and im terrified that i will just fall into another pointless relationship, i dont want to, i WANT to be single and i want to focus on getting to know myself and develope parenting skills, im just so scared because i dont have any family and very few friends, plus i have a rotten, hyperactive 3 year old who reminds most ppl of denis the menice lol it takes a toll on a person which is why i always turn to relationships, because i figure they can help me, i know better now b*** still hard... how did u manage?

Burli
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2003
Total Posts : 1251
   Posted 12/1/2009 9:21 PM (GMT -7)   
This is my take...
The "rotton, hyperactive" 3 year old needs you to be a tough and decisive parent. It sounds to me that because you are unable to take control, the 3 year old takes control. Everytime I've seen a "rotten" kid I notice that the parent is clueless about how to parent. Like my cousin, his boy is "rotton" but it's his Dad's fault. His dad will sit on the couch and yell "stop that" over and over without getting up and doing anyting. I can't stand it when he says Jordan! you better not touch that" the kid touches it and the dad yells something else. No time out, toys taken away, spank on the botton, nose in the corner...no consequenses. If kids have no boundaries and are allowed to act up they will. Look, your child is three years old and should not be allowed to be rotten; you allow it. Every child pushes limits with their parents and when their parents don't provide consequences for acting bad then the kids do more and more. You can do something about it now.
Make sure he gets attention for doing good things, gets exercise (he needs to be able to run, climb and , eats well balanced meals, gets enough sleep, and suffers consequences for doing wrong.

Now you...you concentrate on that boy you had and the relationship will come. Look for ways to better yourself like taking a martial arts class or something.
43, male, UC diagnosed in 1985
Flares occur after some illness: food poisoning, flu, mono...
Flares last 6 months to a year and lately involve several weeks of severe symptoms with lots of diarrhea, blood, pain, fever, dehydration.
Remissions last 1 to 4 years and are absolute with no symptoms 
Current Meds: 100 mg azathioprine, Colazal 9/day, Lialda 2/day,  60 mg 50 mg  60mg 80 mg prednisone
Xanax, Valium for anxiety
Tegretol XR for epilespy

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