Very sad news and very upset

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kitkat32
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 106
   Posted 12/24/2009 9:04 PM (GMT -7)   
I have been going through such a horrible time right now with constant anxiety. I am unable to be left alone because of it...doctors orders. Either that or I had to be hospitilized.

I live in a very nice housing community and know many of my neighbors.

My husband just called me from work and told me that one of my neighbors..a street over from me just took their own life. I stepped out on my front porch and can see the flashing lights through the trees.

My heart is so broken for this person. I truly know how it feels to have those thoughts and so far I am lucky enough to recognize when my mind is taking over my thought process. I am able to tell my husband these thoughts immediately and have been helped.

I don't know who it was yet but my heart is still broken. As I sit her suffering with endless emotional problems someone so close by was experiencing the same thing. I feel numb at this time. I wish this person had someone to lift them up.

I don't know if this was proper to post this here but I just needed to let it out.

I wish I knew there was someone so close by in such desperate need of help tonight.

With a heavy heart...kitkat

Twistedmentality
Regular Member


Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 164
   Posted 12/25/2009 12:01 AM (GMT -7)   
thats sad to hear. let it out, it helps.

good wishes.

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 12/25/2009 6:44 AM (GMT -7)   
I am so sorry to hear of your neighbor's death and I know you must feel very sad. Coming here and posting how sad and upset you feel is a good thing. You are letting out your feelings and sharing with your family here in HW.


WE are here for you and know you can count on us to support you on your journey to healing.

(((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))



Kitt

Wotan
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2005
Total Posts : 462
   Posted 12/25/2009 11:43 AM (GMT -7)   

That is so sad-!

During the Christmas holidays, this increases.

Hoping by 'letting it out'...you feel somewhat better.

Try not to focus on this!  Put on TV.....even if it's a an old movie..or re-runs...or the basketball game.

Keep posting--if you have to.   Robert

 


kitkat32
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 106
   Posted 12/25/2009 11:49 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you all so much. I love my family here.

It's another rough day at my house. Still can't stop crying and shaking. Feel like I am really losing my mind. My xanax 0.5 every six hours is barely touching it.

I just keep thinking I know how that person felt to not want to feel any pain anymore.

Heading out to families house now. Husband has to work and I still can't be left alone.

I wish you all peace today...kitkat

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 12/25/2009 2:32 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey there, back from my daughter's and checking in on you. :)


I hope you are able to call your physician and see about your medication as perhaps you need a change in your dose or a new med.



Also may I suggest you do not dwell on your neighbor as you have to take care of number one and do not compare yourself to this person, you really do not know what was going on with him. Stay in the moment and let go of what happened this morning. It is afternoon so time to find something to keep you busy.



Call a freind, watch a movie, read a book, take a walk, read the posts on HW and respond to other people. Just seeing responses helps others and that will take your mind off of how sad you feel.



Please do call your physician if you feel you need too.



Love and hugs



Kitt

kitkat32
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 106
   Posted 12/25/2009 8:07 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you Kitt,

I spent the day with my family..minus my hubby. Had 2 major breakdowns. As soon as my xanax wears off...actually way before the next dose...I am a basket case.

Most of my family is understanding. My one sister hugged me and said "why are you crying?' She just doesn't understand when I say I have no idea.

No one is leaving me on my own though which I am thankful for. It's easier having someone in the same house with you when feeling like this.

I have had this happen before but never this badly. I just can't seem to get a handle on it. I have only been taking the new med change to Paxil for I think 4 days now so I am sure it hasn't kicked in yet.

Monday morning I am calling a therapist I use to goto several years ago to see if he can squeeze me in.

I am trying so hard to pick myself up out of this but my mind seems to be winning this battle.

I have tryed relaxing, meditating, exercising, acupuncture...it just won't let up.

I have been having health issues for quite some time and I have two doctors disagreeing on a diagnosis so that leaves me up in the air and scared to death. I know it is these constant headaches that have thrown me over the edge. I just have to keep trying my hardest to climb back up and over.

Mornings are so difficult. The panic I am waking up in is just out of this world. I don't just tremble I shake something awful and my mind just won't stop racing.

I am afraid that if it doesn't let up a bit soon I might have to goto the hospital. I don't find the hospital helpful but I think my poor family might need a break from me. My husband is just so worn down. He works swing shifts so his sleep schedule is messed up anyway and then to have me breaking down as early as 3 am is taking it's toll. He doesn't complain and it very supportive but I can just see how he is starting to crumble too.

Today was the worst so far. Shook and cryed and panicked from about 4am until noon. Couldn't make it go away.

Thank you all so much for your support. I don't know what I would do at this point with all my new friends here.

Peace to all, kitkat

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 12/27/2009 2:54 PM (GMT -7)   
I hope you will let us know what goes on with you after you talk to doc..have you gone thru some real serious life changes lately ...losses...i like you wake to panic mode hv no idea why but my doc believes it is all the losses i hv dealt with or am dealing with.....i am also newly deaf so that adds high anxiety for me as well due to communication issues and fear issues in safety .....i do hope you very well can get your doc and hv something sone immediately to help you in this time of need...keep posting we are here for you ...lyn......am so sorry about your neighbor...


                          
                                Co Mod for Crohns, Anxiety/Panic, Alzheimers
   Crohns..Pyoderma gangrenosum,..Anxiety / panic..Fibromyalgia,,Neuropathy...Deaf...Seizures
 
                        I DONT COMPLAIN...OTHERS ARE WORSE OFF THAN I AM                                   
                                                     .....LYN.......
                                Donate to..www..healingwell.com.
                                                    
                             No BETTER GIFT than FRIENDS N FAMILY                                               
                            Happy Holidays from my home to yours
                              
 

Post Edited (Howlyncat) : 12/27/2009 2:58:57 PM (GMT-7)


Blessedx8
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 3193
   Posted 12/27/2009 4:10 PM (GMT -7)   
Kitkat...

I'm new on this board (but a regular on the Chronic Pain board)... I've read through your posts here, and I just really wanted to tell you that I'm sorry for all that you are going through right now. Even with everything you have going on....and not even knowing you....I still see your spirit in the words that you write. I can tell how hard you are fighting, even if it doesn't feel that way right now. I've been in your shoes, maybe different circumstances in some ways, but still battling many of the things that you write of... I hate to hear of anyone going through these feelings. I wish I could take them away; I would if I could!

All I can say is just hanging in there, and doing what you are doing. That's really all we can do, right?

Thinking of you... Tina
Pain Issues: Cervical/Thoracic back pain; migraines; carpal tunnel syndrome; widespread joint/muscle pain, nerve pain in hands/arms/feet; I also have Dysautonomia/POTS; CFS/Fibromyalgia; Severe Hypertension; Hypothyroidism; Hypoadrenalism; Mixed (Obstructive/Central) Sleep Apnea - on Auto BiPap; Depression/Anxiety; etc etc

Meds: MS Contin; Dilaudid; Actiq; Soma ; Neurontin; Atenolol; Midodrine; Phenergan/Zofran/Reglan; Effexor; Synthroid; Prednisone; and on the list goes...

Future Plans: Intrathecal Pain Pump; already completed trial; awaiting my decision for implantation


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 12/30/2009 4:08 PM (GMT -7)   
justchecking to see how you are doing kitkat...we are here for you,,huggles,,,lyn
                          
                                Co Mod for Crohns, Anxiety/Panic, Alzheimers
   Crohns..Pyoderma gangrenosum,..Anxiety / panic..Fibromyalgia,,Neuropathy...Deaf...Seizures
 
                        I DONT COMPLAIN...OTHERS ARE WORSE OFF THAN I AM                                   
                                                     .....LYN.......
                                Donate to..www..healingwell.com.
                                                    
                             No BETTER GIFT than FRIENDS N FAMILY                                               
                            Happy Holidays from my home to yours
                              
 


melindazcrew6
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 32
   Posted 12/30/2009 9:48 PM (GMT -7)   
((((((( HUGS ))))))))) Wish I could be there to give you a real one !!! Sorry you are having a rough spot!!
Love and thinking of you !!
Melinda

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 12/31/2009 7:07 AM (GMT -7)   
Good Morning kitkat,


Well today is the last day of 2009 and may 2010 be a much better year for you healthwise so please know we are all here and we support you.



I understand how the anxiety is worse in the mornings but gets better as the day gets longer. I have had this happen to me when I have been in a not so good place. I feel for you as this is such a scary and uncomfortable feeling to wake up and feel anxious but please keep on believing that you will get better.



Happy New Year and stick with us. I am so glad you have good support from your family.



Gentle Hugs



Kitt

kitkat32
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2009
Total Posts : 106
   Posted 1/1/2010 4:46 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you all for your overwhelming support. It means so much.

Things are still really bad. I am scared of being alone and can't stop shaking and crying.

These headaches are killing me. They really knock me down and are so painful. I have an appt. with a new neuro but not until February.

Naproxen dulls it for a little bit but doesn't take it away.

I can't seem to get myself out of this constant panic mode. It's 24/7 and it's really taking it's toll on me.

I just want to feel like myself again and it seems so far away.

I have been trying meditating, peppermint oil, mineral baths, exercising and soothing music. I don't know why nothing is working.

I still have to take xanax 3 times a day and that isn't even controlling it.

I seem to be getting worse instead of better. I just don't know what to do anymore and I feel so lost.

kitkat

debaser
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1745
   Posted 1/1/2010 12:44 PM (GMT -7)   
If you have said when you're doctor appointment is, I must've missed it. I hope it's soon. Hard to see anyone suffer like you are.

My anxiety disorder developed because of a health problem I had that was really difficult to diagnose. You get trapped in this circle: your anxiety is triggered by your physical symptoms and the anxiety makes the physical symptoms even worse. It really is difficult to break that cycle.

I want to let you know, though, that I am at least 100 times better than I used to be. It may seem like it will be this way forever, but it will not.

Good luck to you.
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