I came on here hoping for some support
I'm a female and i'm 19 years old
I'm suffering and being treated for diagnosed Body Dysmorphic Disorder and Bulimia and have been now for 2 years.
I'm on Prozac and on an 18 month waiting list for CBT
I guess I'm pretty good at keeping my disorder and its effects a secret. I've had alot of practice but now after being on treatment and seeing a positive effect I'm lying yet again.To my family and my friends. They all believe I'm recovering and I was but I feel like I'm now back to square one. Despite being on medication and it definately helping my moods I'm spending my days obsessing over my reflection and my disgusting body and making myself sick. It makes me feel so good and believe it or not I feel proud to know there is nothing left inside me that way I cant look any worse than what I already do.
It gets to the point where I go out and I "know" that everyone is focusing on my flaws or I see someone and that is how I want to look.
I'm beginning to worry because this will all come out in the end and I don't want to end up as an in-patient but with all this spiralling out of control I feel like it could only be a matter of time.
I'm pretty good at keeping things together in front of other people but on my own is the hardest.
Please please if anyone has any advice or support please comment because I don't think I can wait 18 months for CBT
Even before I've sent this I feel a little bit better for writing this down lol weird how it works like that sometimes