Hi everyone I do not knowhow this works, but I know I need someone to talk to. I feel like I am losing my mind. I am a mother and wife a teacher. My life is good in fact it is great, but I am suffering from the worst case of panic I have ever had. I had a troubled adolescene, feelings of inadequacy and thoughs of death but really nothing debilitating. It left and I didnt have any problems until my daughter (2nd child) was born. I suffered severe post partum and went on medication and therapy. However insurance doesnt pay for therapy and only had 4 sessions. During that time I was diagnosed with depression, OCD, and an anxiety disorder. After my 3rd child was born, I was put on meds immediately due to my history. When my prescription ran out, about 1 year ago, I did not renew and felt fine. My OCD manifested itself in small self destructive ways, picking at my arms, but relatively manageable. Until 3 days ago. I am consumed with thoughts of my own death. Its as if I can feel the life in my body seeping out of me minute by minute. I can not block the thoughts. In fact, for the past 3 nights I have awoke in the middle of the night to panic attacks. I am so tired, but terrified at the thought of going to bed. I feel like I am going crazy. I feel like I am being betrayed by my own mind. A friend of mine said she felt like she was drowning, but I feel more like I am caught up in a tidal wave and just when I am thrown onto the beach and catch a breath I am dragged back out--repeated over and over again.