I just had a major meltdown. What do I do?

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LALady
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 114
   Posted 1/16/2010 6:48 PM (GMT -7)   
I know the term "nervous breakdown" is not used as widely anymore, but that phrase best describes what happened to me within the last 24 hours. Here is what precipitated it:
 
My boyfriend informed me he got transferred to LA. I was so happy because that meant we could move closer to my family and closest friends, back to a city I really enjoy and, most importantly, I could quit my job. I have been working under a tremendous amount of prolonged acute stress for a long time now. I am an attorney and came to the realization a while ago, that the job is just not the right fit for me.
 
I sank into severe anxiety and depression. I was unable to get up in the morning, dragging myself to and from work, lost interest in my hobbies, slept too much, lost weight, became moody and irritable..the whole nine yards. I've been in therapy and on and off antids and benzos since May 2009.
 
Anyway, with the new of this move I was thrilled. Boyfriend and I discussed it and decided I would give notice at my job. I did so the nxt day. Well, last night he tell me that maybe it would be better if he just goes now and I stay here until May or move home with my parents (I'm 28 btw) because he just doesn't have to money to pay for a move, get a place, etc. He needs more time to save.
 
I don't know why, but this made me just lose it. I was angry because I suppose I figured he had the means to make the move. I was also terrified because I cannot fathom staying at this job a few months longer.
 
I've been uncontrollably crying since last night, all over the place with my moods..one minute I think I can handle being here until May, the next I feel like the world is caving in on me. I have never felt such horrible despair and feelings of desparation and worthlessness. They're all consuming and overpowering.
 
I feel like a baby for succumbing to this all. I feel alone. Betrayed. Isolated. Most of all, I just feel tired. I am tired of living this daily grind and can't imagine doing it much longer as it has taken such a toll on my mental and physical health already.
 
I'm just looking for some guidance here. What on earth do I do? Don't see therapist for 2 weeks as she is out of town.
 
Thanks all.
28 year old female
Attorney
Dx: IBS-D - 2004
      GAD - 2008
Meds: .5- 1mg Klonopin as needed & 37.5 mg Effexor XR 


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 1/16/2010 10:25 PM (GMT -7)   
belablue


Meltdowns for many of us with A & P and Depression can happen due to the issues going on in our lives.



Try to reassess the situation and know that you have our support.



Give yourself a time out from all the turmoil. If you have been working, can you pay your own expenses to move and manage to get by until your find a new job?



I know this sounds tough but sometimes we just need to take it one babystep at a time and keep on going knowing that in time things will get better.



Perhaps you and the bf have some issues that need to be talked through before anymore plans are made.



You have my prayers and please know I have been through so much of this very thing and in the end managed to accept that only I can control my emotions and anxiety.



Blessings,



Kitt

LALady
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 114
   Posted 1/19/2010 6:41 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks, Kitt.
 
I am trying to take baby steps. I am trying very hard to see the positives in all of this and working with those around me for support. I know I will be okay in the end. I was just so frustrated and angry and whatnot that all that emotion, along with all the stress that has been building up, just boiled over. Not to mention my IBS is acting up something awful as it usually does when I get a bit batty. That takes a tremendous toll on my energy and overall sense of well being.
 
I'm just tired. Sick and tired. But I'll keep at it. I cannot unfortunately up and leave on my own right now. I haven't been saving $$ for that sort of move. I used most of my disposable income to pay off all my debts (save student loans) so at least that's something. I can and will be able to save up from here.
 
BF and I have a lot of talking to do and I had a long talk today with my mom. I think she's been so stressed becaue her mother just fell and broke her hip at 86 y.o. I don't think she meant to be dismissive of me. She just didn't have the energy at the time to talk things through and listen deeply to what I was trying to say to her. Now we're working together to see if I can't do something in the way of going home and getting my CNA certificate. That might enable me to jump into the medical field as I have so wanted to do, get a job in LA and feel better about things.
 
Keep you posted and thank you for your support.
28 year old female
Attorney
Dx: IBS-D - 2004
      GAD - 2008
Meds: .5- 1mg Klonopin as needed & 37.5 mg Effexor XR 


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 1/20/2010 4:57 AM (GMT -7)   
bela,


I am glad to hear you have talked with your Mom. :-)



Also I so understand the boiling over issue. My Doctor feels I am like a pressure cooker, I hold things in and let off just a bit of steam to keep the lid on until I get to the point where I just crash. So I try not to hold it all in anymore but deal with it when it is happening even if it means tears and frustration.



Please know you are not alone as we are all here for you.



CNA like in Certified Nursing Assistant? With your education is there not another area of law that you would be interested in working? I am a nurse but I have often felt that law enforcement would be my next career.........to late for that now. How about court reporter?



Keep talking with us and know you are a very special person that is going through a rough time.



Gentle Hugs to you,



Kitt

LALady
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 114
   Posted 1/20/2010 10:46 AM (GMT -7)   
Yeah, I suppose there are areas where I could use my law degree, I'm just so over it I can't stand the thought of doing it anymore.
 
I represented law enforcement unions and after that experience, would rather stab myself in the eye six times with a pen than work in law enforcement ;P No offense. Just not my thing!
 
I cannot be a court reporter with my IBS. The unpredictable nature of my condition and urgency to use the bathroom at unexpected times would make that job a complete disaster.
 
I've been interested in medicine forever. I went into law because my family wanted me to. I just think it's time to start pursuing my RN because that's what I wanted. Even if it means starting over.
28 year old female
Attorney
Dx: IBS-D - 2004
      GAD - 2008
Meds: .5- 1mg Klonopin as needed & 37.5 mg Effexor XR 

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