I know the term "nervous breakdown" is not used as widely anymore, but that phrase best describes what happened to me within the last 24 hours. Here is what precipitated it:
My boyfriend informed me he got transferred to LA. I was so happy because that meant we could move closer to my family and closest friends, back to a city I really enjoy and, most importantly, I could quit my job. I have been working under a tremendous amount of prolonged acute stress for a long time now. I am an attorney and came to the realization a while ago, that the job is just not the right fit for me.
I sank into severe anxiety and depression. I was unable to get up in the morning, dragging myself to and from work, lost interest in my hobbies, slept too much, lost weight, became moody and irritable..the whole nine yards. I've been in therapy and on and off antids and benzos since May 2009.
Anyway, with the new of this move I was thrilled. Boyfriend and I discussed it and decided I would give notice at my job. I did so the nxt day. Well, last night he tell me that maybe it would be better if he just goes now and I stay here until May or move home with my parents (I'm 28 btw) because he just doesn't have to money to pay for a move, get a place, etc. He needs more time to save.
I don't know why, but this made me just lose it. I was angry because I suppose I figured he had the means to make the move. I was also terrified because I cannot fathom staying at this job a few months longer.
I've been uncontrollably crying since last night, all over the place with my moods..one minute I think I can handle being here until May, the next I feel like the world is caving in on me. I have never felt such horrible despair and feelings of desparation and worthlessness. They're all consuming and overpowering.
I feel like a baby for succumbing to this all. I feel alone. Betrayed. Isolated. Most of all, I just feel tired. I am tired of living this daily grind and can't imagine doing it much longer as it has taken such a toll on my mental and physical health already.
I'm just looking for some guidance here. What on earth do I do? Don't see therapist for 2 weeks as she is out of town.
28 year old female
Dx: IBS-D - 2004
GAD - 2008
Meds: .5- 1mg Klonopin as needed & 37.5 mg Effexor XR