the ex situation, what sounds best for me?

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oldsoul84
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 112
   Posted 1/28/2010 7:01 PM (GMT -7)   
 my ex which is my sons father get along really well, and recently i blurted out we should go out sometime and he wants to but now im thinking why did i do that, and am all freaked out about it, i feel like my life is going well at the moment,  i had a really bad year last year and my anxiety issues took over but only recently have i felt good in a looong time and i feel like i want to focus on me and having fun with friends studying etc but i also have an urge to find love as i have been single for 3 years now, i dont know what to do, i feel scared right now to get close to anyone coz ive only really just recovered and i dont feel like opening up to anyone about things ive gone through and its hard coz i cant be any other way with ppl so anyway i guess with dating i can take my time but with the ex thing i really dont know what to do, a part of me feels like it could really work with us again and ive had the urge to go out with him but my mind also knows that im not quite ready yet, and i cant make stupid decisions because my ex will always be in my life, i cant just take risks with him because life will be too difficult and i need to play it carefully, our relationship ended because he was abusive but i feel like he might have changed and grown up, we have been seperated for 3 years but have been talking and getting along well for a while, but going out together is another step and i wish i couldve bit my tougue, but i dont know what happened.. geez just when i thought things were looking up im now going to obsess and worry untill i know what to do.. i hate feeling like this.  Any advice?

mathman
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 31
   Posted 1/28/2010 11:37 PM (GMT -7)   
Well, without knowing all the details, do what's best for you and your son. If the man was abusive I'd be very careful about getting trapped back in that (physically and emotionally) but ultimately you know him better than an internet stranger. :) Take some you time and sort out your feelings. Things will come together. Keep us updated.

mathman

oldsoul84
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 112
   Posted 1/29/2010 3:19 AM (GMT -7)   
thank you mathman :)

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 1/29/2010 6:36 AM (GMT -7)   
oldsoul84


Good Morning. IMHO I think perhaps it would be best to keep your relationship with your ex as it stands now as you are already doubting the wisdom of your suggestion to "go out" together. I think that says alot.............you are not really ready to take this step so just let go of the idea and go out with friends in a group.



You will meet someone that is right for you without forcing it. When you least expect it that special person will come into your life.



Take care and kick the anxiety to the curb my friend.



Kitt

Nanners
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 1/29/2010 6:56 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Oldsoul and welcome to Healingwell. Sorry its taken us a bit to respond to your post, but the forum is a little slower in the evenings. I agree with Stkitt that maybe its best to keep things as they are with your ex. He was abusive in the past, has he done anything about his anger issues? If not, for your safety and best interests, keep him as a friend. If you do go out, do it as Stkitt suggested and keep it in a group setting for your safety. Don't be so hard on yourself either. It sounds like you just got caught up in the moment and blurted out the words. I hope you will stay with us, and I hope we have helped some.

Hugs
Gail*Nanners*
Gail*Nanners* Co-Moderator for Crohns Disease & Anxiety/Panic
Crohn's Disease for over 34 years. Currently on Asacol, Prilosec, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain, Zofran, Phenergan, Probiotics, Calcium, Vit D, and Xanax prn. Resections in 2002 & 2005. Also diagnosed w/ Fibromyalgia, Osteoarthritis, & Anxiety. Currently my Crohns is in remission, but my joints are going crazy!
*Every tomorrow has two handles.  We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle of faith"*

oldsoul84
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 112
   Posted 1/29/2010 4:42 PM (GMT -7)   
yeh im thinking that although i have a passion to find someone, i need to step that aside untill i feel better with myself and all my issues, and just live for myself for abit without putting any pressure on myself. it just sucks sometimes, i want what i want but i have to keep waiting. yeh i think ive decided that i wont go out with him, do u think its embarresing of me to say to him next time he brings it up that, i could say something like, is it ok if i get back to you about it i know i meantioned it and its something id liek to do but I'll let you know as ive got a couple things going on at the moment. Does that sound ok? and then just not get back to him about it unless i really do feel ready. i feel abit stupid but i suppose u got to do what you got to do, im starting to feel like i should keep things as they are i dont want to stuff things up and the consequences would be high.. i just visioned a life where he couldve changed and im diff too and grown up alot, and being with the father would be so much easier, i feel like if i met someone new i would feel bad asking them to help me look after my son, i wanted me and ex to work but i realise this was a vision not the reality. im sure I'll figure it all out. thanks for your support, everyone.

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 1/29/2010 5:40 PM (GMT -7)   
I think its best for you to be happy with self first n foremost and not put yourself back in the position that you could be verbally / physically abused..jmho...lyn

SnowyLynne
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 1539
   Posted 1/29/2010 7:43 PM (GMT -7)   
I got out of an abusive marriage,wouldn't go back to that EVER!!!!
SnowyLynne

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