Introducing myself (kind of long)

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mathman
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 31
   Posted 1/29/2010 12:29 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi, one of the threads asks for new members to introduce myself so I am.

I am a 21-year-old college grad student in the heart of America. I'm one of those book worms, always did well in school, guess I am lucky. But my gifts have come at a price mentally.

Not to get into so many details, but long story short I had an abusive father (alcoholic) and have watched my mother go through all sorts of health problems.

I have a very impulsive personality. When I was younger I had a food addiction (particularly fast food) and I binged my way to 303 pounds. I was ashamed and embarrassed. Became reclusive. My stepfather ridiculed me for my weight. I never got to have much of a normal carefree youth. (Well, I'm still young.)

Then I was diagnosed with what's called fatty liver, and was told if I didn't lose weight I could wake up one day with liver failure. Admitting and facing mortality so young, especially out of my own doing, brought along a great deal of guilt, panic and anxiety. There was a period where I couldn't shower with the lights on without checking myself and freaking out over little things. The anxiety caused me to have symptoms that mimic heart attacks (dizzy spells and pain/numbness) and I ended up in the ER twice. I felt better for a while and began drinking heavily to prove to myself I was normal, and then I felt even more guilty about that.

To cope, I sometimes experience brain fog and derealization from the stress, where I have poor memory/concentration and everything feels like a dream. My anxiety meds make me so numb.

To this day I can't look in the mirror without checking my eyes to see if they are yellow, and I am convinced my arms are yellowish. My blood tests come back normal but they can't tell me for sure that I'm okay without a biopsy, and they have no reason to do one on me. So every day is constant fear. Liver failure is an awful death. I don't so much feel like a hypochondriac because I have a real history of a minor liver problem which I may have made worse.

But I try to live, and I'll offer my support to anyone who needs it.
mathman

oldsoul84
Regular Member


Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 112
   Posted 1/29/2010 3:30 AM (GMT -7)   
I would just like to say, well firstly thanks for being the only person that replied to my issue. and also you sound like a sensitive kindhearted soul. And yes you are still young!! you have time to start a fresh life, my advice to you if i may would be to find some inspiration, read read and read about things that people have through that is similiar to you, just find something anything... it all starts with abit of hope then a belief then who knows, you can write your life no matter how far fecthed impossible something you appears to be to you. Have passion for something wonderfull to happen.. and i hope all that you hope for will truly come true. it doesnt matter what we go through as long as its Ok in the end.

Emma x

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 1/29/2010 6:48 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello and welcome to HealingWell. I am Kitt. I have had A & P for many years and I admire you for recognizing your problems and working toward learning how to cope.


You have joined a wonderful site and please know that the members here are warm and caring, wise and wonderful. Joining a support group was a good choice for you as it is for each of our members.


Support groups are a place for people to give and receive both emotional and practical support as well as to exchange information. People with health conditions, as well as their friends and families find support groups to be a valuable resource and get confirmation that their feelings are "normal", educate others, or just let off steam. IMHO joining a support group is joining a family.

Welcome to the family !

Gentle Hugs,

Kitt

Nanners
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 1/29/2010 7:03 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi mathman and welcome to HW. I am sorry to hear all that you have been thru. But I think Oldsoul really hit the nail on the head when she said it not to focus on what you have gone thru, but to focus on that you are okay in the end. Be kind to yourself, you are a bright young person with alot to offer. Stay with us, we look forward to hearing more from you. Hugs!
Gail*Nanners* Co-Moderator for Crohns Disease & Anxiety/Panic
Crohn's Disease for over 34 years. Currently on Asacol, Prilosec, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain, Zofran, Phenergan, Probiotics, Calcium, Vit D, and Xanax prn. Resections in 2002 & 2005. Also diagnosed w/ Fibromyalgia, Osteoarthritis, & Anxiety. Currently my Crohns is in remission, but my joints are going crazy!
*Every tomorrow has two handles.  We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle of faith"*
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