Anxious, no TERRIFIED About Meeting With My Boss

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Tune Bunny
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2009
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 2/8/2010 8:41 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi, I'm new to these forums so please bear with me while I explain the situation confused

I've worked with my company for 4 years now. I left my first department as I had to work in  conditions which made me physically ill. The office was boiling hot all year round, there was no ventilation, I was overworked by my boss and the other secretary was very narcissistic and rude.

At first I really enjoyed the change. Then I found out that my ex-colleague had been saying vicious things about me to her friend whose job I filled. She in turn had slagged me off to the new team I was working with. I was upset, but a supportive manager resolved the issue.

When they recruited for another position, I was asked which office I wanted to work in. I chose the quieter one hoping this would help me succeed in my part-time studies. Some people warned me that I'd suffer for this as they didn't want to lose me to the quieter site. I laughed it off with them thinking that they were joking.

The new girl was a nightmare. She couldn't do her job and started to follow and harrass me with phone calls. I had to tell her we weren't friends and she was scaring me. Afterwards there was a terrifying incident which I'm convinced was connected to her, as she had mentioned suspicious things before it even happened. I complained to a manager who didn't want to listen, and I felt my line-manager was too unapproachable to discuss this. I left it, knowing that I had little evidence and that she would end up getting sacked.

The team really did seem to blame me for leaving the main office. When she was sacked it got worse. They had become so used to rightfully blaming her for her constant mistakes that they now needed someone else to talk about. I became their new target. People became rude and aggressive towards me for no reason, and they complained about me for any little issue that wasn't even my fault. I was called horrible names. Others became snooty, constantly ignoring me and making me feel so alone.

I became friends with the next new girl, and she told me what everyone was saying about me. I was being called lazy, controlling, self-important and manipulative. Then people tried playing me off against her by trying to make me say nasty things about her. Of course I refused.

By this time the pressure had become too much. I ended up in hospital with a severe infection and had to take a few weeks off to recover. After getting the all-clear I returned to freezing-cold office conditions and everybody gossiping about the new girl. The stress was too much and the infection came back so I had to go off sick again.

I returned again after Christmas, again back to full health. I felt absolutely fine but the office was still freezing and my colleagues were ranting, raving and arguing in the office. I went home that weekend, had a hell of a stress episode in front of my boyfriend, and ended up crashing out from exhaustion. It took me the whole weekend to recover from this and I think that going back again to the same stress made me mentally snap. This time I can't seem to recover. I am now feeling constantly down, constantly anxious and even terrified of seeing my colleagues in the street. I'm so angry because I had recovered but now I've been pushed too far. I can't handle this anymore. I've been getting terrible nightmares, I can't think, I just cannot return to that place.

My doctor (who is a senior GP and very experienced) says I am clearly suffering with anxiety and work related stress and I've been signed off for 6 weeks. He thinks I might have developed depression from going back but he's happy to sign that I'm fit for work if I get another job. However my confidence is abosolutely shattered which isn't going to help me find work. Also, how do I explain this awful situation to a potential employer without looking crazy?

I was thinking something along the lines of "My colleagues are under a lot of pressure to the point where most are on medication to control their stress and depression (this is true). Trying to support them has now negatively affected my health and I need to move on..." ?

I am so scared about this and don't know what to do. I had another episode yesterday and I've been asleep all day today trying to recover from it.

Worse still is that my boss and an HR rep are coming to my house in a few days and I am so scared about this. My boss is known to back up my colleagues and I don't have any physical evidence to prove what they've been doing to me. I doubt anyone will back me up.

Aaaargh please help. Sorry for rambling on!

 


paniccu
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 1009
   Posted 2/9/2010 7:22 AM (GMT -7)   
Oh my gosh! I am so sorry that you are going through this! The only time I've experienced this kind of behavior was in Jr high school. What is wrong with these people? It really sounds like you do need to move on and find another job, but I know that's easier said than done. I guess all you can do when your boss comes with the HR person is to state the facts of what happened.  I would try to put yourself in the best light possible by showing that you've tried to resolve  issues and that you went through the proper channels. You said you did go to management with issues before so maybe you could provide HR with documentation regarding any formal complaints and explain how you yourself have tried to resolve conflicts with your co-workers. Can you get anyone to corroborate with you? How about the new girl? Maybe she would be willing to come forward? This is a really tough situation since people are probably afraid to rock the boat. I don't think I would bring up anything about the tempurature in the office. That makes it sound like you are a complainer. I would just focus on the fact that you are in a hostile work environment and it is impeding your ability to properly perform your job. If this has happened to other employees maybe you can convince the boss and HR that the way people are behaving is putting stress on everyone and making it difficult for people to do their jobs in general. It sounds like it's not good for employees or the employer. I wish you luck and I hope you can find a new job with less stress. If you don't mind me asking, what field are you in? Is this the norm?

Nanners
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 2/9/2010 7:31 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Tune Bunny,

And welcome to Healingwell. I too am very sorry for what you have had to suffer thru. I agree that it may be time for you to move on. That work enviroment is so toxic and stressful its literally making you sick.

I think your comment about what to tell a future employer was very good. I also agree with paniccu that you need to bring up your original complaint so that they see this isn't the first time you have tried to discuss the offices problems. I wish I had more advice for you. Hang in there I think better days are ahead of you.

Hugs
Gail*Nanners*
Gail*Nanners* Co-Moderator for Crohns Disease & Anxiety/Panic
Crohn's Disease for over 34 years. Currently on Asacol, Prilosec, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain, Zofran, Phenergan, Probiotics, Calcium, Vit D, and Xanax prn. Resections in 2002 & 2005. Also diagnosed w/ Fibromyalgia, Osteoarthritis, & Anxiety. Currently my Crohns is in remission, but my joints are going crazy!
*Every tomorrow has two handles.  We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle of faith"*

Nanners
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 2/9/2010 7:32 AM (GMT -7)   
Oh also do you have any of the fast acting anxiety meds you can take? If so, I would definetly use those before meeting with the boss and HR person. Good luck!
Gail*Nanners* Co-Moderator for Crohns Disease & Anxiety/Panic
Crohn's Disease for over 34 years. Currently on Asacol, Prilosec, Estrace, Prinivil, Diltiazem, Percoset prn for pain, Zofran, Phenergan, Probiotics, Calcium, Vit D, and Xanax prn. Resections in 2002 & 2005. Also diagnosed w/ Fibromyalgia, Osteoarthritis, & Anxiety. Currently my Crohns is in remission, but my joints are going crazy!
*Every tomorrow has two handles.  We can take hold of it by the handle of anxiety, or by the handle of faith"*

Tune Bunny
New Member


Date Joined Dec 2009
Total Posts : 2
   Posted 2/9/2010 8:25 AM (GMT -7)   

Thank you so much for your welcoming words. It means the world to me. All my friends and family are so very far away and I obviously have no real friends at work I can talk to about all this. I can't keep filling my boyfriend's ears with this stuff either as it's unfair to put this pressure on him.

I've already mentioned about the lack of heating as everyone's stressed because theyre always cold. Everyone's complained and nothing's been done, so maybe if I manage to get heating in they'll stop being so nasty to me... but I doubt it. You're spot on about this kinda behaviour belonging to a school though. I work for a high school in a department where the teachers are constantly on the recieving end of troubled teens.

My problem is that I've never really spoken to my line manager about this as I find her unapproachable.... or maybe that's just everyone telling me she's unnapproachable to stop me from reporting all of this.  I've spoken to other managers informally but I don't think that will count. I can't see anyone backing me up either. I don't know anymore! My head is so fuzzy because I don't want to think about it - I've had enough. The only way I can communicate any of this is in writing but they won't accept that. They want to see me face to face.

Nanners, I like your idea of taking anti-anxiety meds. I have some that are for dizziness but I think they can double up for anxiety too? I've also got herbal tablets that de-stress me. Thing is, I kinda want them to see me all in a mess so they can see what they've done to me if that makes sense?

I definately need a new job! Wish I could find the confidence though... There is a brigher side to life, I've just got to re-find my courage and go get it! eyes

 

 

 

 

 


OICU812
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2010
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 2/25/2010 8:22 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi -

I'm new to this board and aslo having work difficulties.
I may have missed something, but WHY is your boss & HR rep coming to you house?????
Are you in the US? I can't imagine this being allowable! I would NOT allow work to come to my home. Get them a doc's note and if they don't beleive you they can send you to another doc for another opinion, at thier cost!
I would try to find info about the employment laws.

As far as your comments about your previous/current position to a prossilbe employer are inappropriate and unprofesional.

First of all, you are giving out PERSONAL information about people (meds, stress, etc.). You never what to be highly critical, the person you are interviewing with is going to think - gee, and what would she say about us??? AND, of you discuss your own stress issues they maybe concerned that you can't handle a posiiton and end up being out all the time.

Please respond when you can. As I said, I am confused aboot wor. coming to you home and why you would want to bad-mouth anyone on an interview.

Hope today is a GOOD day!




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