basically the past four years of my life have been anxiety hell, i havent had family or friends for support whatsoever, so ive pretty much kept to myself and suffered in silence. Recently i made a friend in the shopping centre, she just came up to me and said she would love to be my friend, most ppl would think this is weird but i liked the fact that she was herself and not afraid to do that and think out of the box. so since then i have opened up about my past and have felt so much better, i have felt like i am finally moving foward, we have spend alot of time with each other and i felt like we connect on some level.. we both have the same views on things and we are both dreamers, but latley i feel like ive really gotten to know her, and i dont know if she is changing or if her true colors are comming out but i cant help feel that she is abit immature, she is a few years youger, she has only just started going out and experiancing life as her culture has led her to live a life thats trapped, so i do understand that, but i dont like the way she is becomming, her once beautiful innocence is being taken over by a shallow attitute, and i feel like i cant be myself around her anymore, i feel like we connect in some ways but on the whole maybe not, im so gratefull that she came into my life, but i dont know if continuing our friendship is the best thing for me , i want to grow as a person not feel like im taking ten steps back and acting like a teen again, im 25 she is 22, but i feel like through all my suffering i have found out who iam and grown up alot and i just dont know what to do, i dont know how to go out and meet new friends, and she is the only one who knows what ive been through so i feel at ease with her and that i can tell her anything, it took me alot to do that, i dont wanna keep meeting ppl and going through my whole life story over n over again, its hard.
what should i do, she is the only one i really have right now, and if i stop seeing her, i dont want to go back to being a loner, i cant go back there again, but if i spend time with her i feel like i cant be myself anymore and i dont like her attitude and the swearing etc its not the type of ppl i like to associate with. im torn and this whole thing is depressing me, and making me feel like i cant breathe. i want to keep moving foward! i feel so dissapointed, it was all going so well.. it was perfact and now i feel lost again.