This is my first time here and I found this site on a yahoo answers page, and figured it might help me.
The reason I picked this specific board was because i figured my anxiety ( post traumatic, panic disorder, anxiety disorder, and apparently social anxiety) was one of my main issues. I however could post under depression and chronic pain.
I'm at the end of my rope and I don't know what to do anymore. I may be young but I've seen plenty of hardship. Not that others haven't seen more.
We could start with my first step father, an abusive sob. But that's its own story. I'll skip over my family life by saying I was beaten and teased for many years by sister and mother.
We'll start in grade 7. All of my bottled emotions exploded, and i started cutting. I stopped at some point in grade 8, during the time I was with a guy who abused me sexually and mentally. The last time I cut was in Grade 9, right before my accident.
I was hit by a car and probably should be dead. I only have a few scars to show for it. However, since I've fallen back into depression and of course acquired all of my lovely anxiety disorders. I am not as smart as I used to be. The brain damage put a dampener on what I can do. My memory is majorly lacking, and gets worse when I stress. I feel like I'll never amount to anything anymore. I can't afford to go to university. I won't be a Ph.D Psychologist. I probably wont become anything worth speaking of.
I've been in 5 relationships, and am currently in the 5th. the first was messed up because I let my friend at the time control it.
The secondwas abusive. The third was less abusive, but still along the same lines. The fourth was extremely mentally abusive. The current one, well, the guy is borderline abusive. My second relationship damaged me a lot and makes me think I NEED to be in a relationship, though I rationally know thats not true.
So I'm having a terrible time with figuring out what to do with the current one. He's caring, but impulsive.
Then there's the pain. I have sciatica, and scoliosis, and just knee pain for whatever reason. So its random but my hips get crazy pain that sometimes goes all the way to my foot. My hip has given out on me because of this pain. It makes me hobble. The scoliosis is probably causing problems but nothing I can connect it to, other then the lower back muscle tensing (spasms?) pains that I get. So the pain makes my anxiety bad. The worries about my future makes my anxiety bad. The boyfriend makes my anxiety bad.
I've just had small little bad things keep happening ( missed a page on my math exam, went from a 93 to 87 in math foundations 11, not things that most people would consider a big deal, just small things that have been building up, with no good things to break it up. ) and am starting to feel like things will never be good. Not that I know what that's like. I just want things to be easier for once. I hate having to worry all the time. I hate my anxiety attacks, I hate being so useless.
I just need help...
1. No discussion of any illegal activity or threats of violence. (ie. illicit drug use or exchange, threats of suicide or self-injury, or threatened or intended physical harm). Discussions of suicide or self-harm that are deemed negative and therefore potentially injurious to others are also not permitted
Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 3/5/2010 6:28:00 AM (GMT-7)