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PaigeDP
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 163
   Posted 3/20/2010 12:22 AM (GMT -7)   
So my boyfriend is considering joining the army. He has very good reasoning behind it and I think it is very honorable. I am however, not sure what to think about it honestly. There are so many pros and cons and he wants to know my honest opinion about it. Thing is, I don't really have one.


To me if it's his passion to do so, then he should. I should never hold him back from a dream of his. At the same time, though, I am very scared of him getting hurt, AND that he will be traveling the world without me anywhere near his side, AND that he will be gone away for extended periods of time.



Just some background for you guys we have been together 4 years off and on, one year solid. We ARE discussing marriage, but we are only 19, so we still have plenty of time to think about our futures and whatnot.



I was just wondering if anyone else is in the same situation or has been through the situation and can give me some advice.



God Bless and Much love

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 3/20/2010 8:21 AM (GMT -7)   
Dear Paige,


I am very proud of you for recognizing that this is your boyfriend's decision to make. As long as you are not engaged and he has not made any permanent commitment to you at this time it is truly his decision to make re what path he chooses to follow.



I understand your fears and you have a right to them.



I would attempt to sit down with your bf and see how this is going to impact your relationship both from his point of view as well as yours.



Also is he thinking of a career with the military or just trying it out to see how he likes it?



I hope you will be ok with whatever choice your bf makes and know we support you.



Gentle Hugs,



Kitt

Nanners
Elite Member


Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 3/20/2010 9:30 AM (GMT -7)   
I think the military is a good option for young men. I have seen from personal experience how much the military benefits young men. Its teaches them discipline and turns them from boys to men. I agree with Stkitt, this is something that needs to be your bf's decision. You are both very young. I think you need you both need to experience a little life before you make a big decision like marriage. I have seen too many times when folks marry young without living a little, they eventually get bitter because they didn't experience life as they would like. My first divorce and those of my two oldest daughters ended because of those reasons. Go to college, join the military, but live your life while you can, then think about marriage. JMHO
Gail*Nanners* Co-Moderator for Crohns Disease & Anxiety/Panic
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MMMNAVY
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 3/20/2010 10:47 AM (GMT -7)   
I am personally deeply grateful I choose to join the military when I was younger. I have free lifetime healthcare and benefits. Granted, I had some really good experiences and some really bad ones, but I am a better person for the experience.

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 3/20/2010 11:04 AM (GMT -7)   
My nephew was totally getting his life messed up more n more
finally he decided to join the army
that was 3 yrs ago and i tell ya he is doing great and has a steady gal ...family are so proud of him
will be getting married next year and continuing his life in army with wife......
Long Time Member of da Family

Crohns..Fibromyalgia,,Neuropathy...Deaf...Seizures Pyoderma gangrenosum


Co mod for Crohns...Anxiety/Panic and Alzheimers

lyn


debaser
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1745
   Posted 3/20/2010 11:17 AM (GMT -7)   
Having been in the military I have a much different opinion on it than Nanners does. They screwed me six ways from Sunday, basically. Just stress to him that this is a very important decision and that recruiters will flat out lie to him. Tell him to step way back and take a really hard and objective look at the situation before he enlists. But it is his decision to make. His alone.

If I had it all to do over again there's no way I'd enlist that young. I would have gone to college first and then signed up, getting myself into officer candidacy school.

Oh, and yes I'd encourage him to look at the Navy as well as the Air Force. You still get great experience in those branches but without a few very obvious drawbacks.

PaigeDP
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 163
   Posted 3/20/2010 11:07 PM (GMT -7)   
Debaser, thanks for that. And I am sorry that you got screwed over. I have had alot of family in the military past and present and many have had those experiences too. He has looked up alot of typical lies of recruiters and whatnot, and I am trying to convince him to do the air force instead.

howlyncat, thanks its so good to hear that your nephew is doing so well. I know there are lots of benefits and there is alot of positives that can come about. :)

MMMNAVY, if he does decide to go I hope he has a good outlook and has positive benefits like you. I know alot of people who, like debaser, got screwed over alot, and I hope his experience doesn't turn out that way.

Nanners, discipline is one of the main reasons that he wants to join actually. He wants to become a better man so in the future he can be a stronger husband and father. I also agree that we are young and that it is his decision all in all. :)

StKitt, your answers always make me smile and put me in a positive mood. :) I will have to sit down with him and discuss it, we have a few times, but I just haven't gotten all my thoughts straightened out about it I suppose and I haven't known exactly what to say. :P Also, as far and I know he is just wanting to see what it's like and where it is going to and can take him in the future. If he thinks he needs to stay longer, he will.


Thank you so much to all of you who responded. You have given me alot of hope, and alot to think about, but all of you brought up very good points and it has helped me straighten out my thinking a bit.

Much love and God Bless

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 3/21/2010 11:23 AM (GMT -7)   
keep us posted hun i know i wuld like to follow your n his journey as im sure others would..blessing..huggles too..lyn
Long Time Member of da Family

Crohns..Fibromyalgia,,Neuropathy...Deaf...Seizures Pyoderma gangrenosum


Co mod for Crohns...Anxiety/Panic and Alzheimers

lyn


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 3/21/2010 11:57 AM (GMT -7)   
Paige,


Right on sweetie, you have your head on straight and when you have your talks with your boyfriend I just know you will find the right words. You have come here and asked us for advice which tells me how much you care about him and want to make your converstations with him honest and sincere.



I wish you peace and happiness but most of all I wish you love,



Kitt

MMMNAVY
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 3/21/2010 12:39 PM (GMT -7)   
I would say that I did go in as an officer, but just know that whatever is going to be done it is going to be done upon the needs of the military and everything else is supplimental. However this is one way to pay for an education, and get your head on straight.

PaigeDP
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 163
   Posted 3/22/2010 12:19 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey guys, so I'm going to update you on this :-)


I did have a talk with my boyfriend about this today. I knew I was going to no matter what, but I really wanted to rap my head around the idea and know what to say. Needless to say, every single one of you greatly help me straighten out my thoughts and I appreciate the kindness soooo much!



So, I decided that not only would I be okay with him joining and whatnot, but I would actually really love for him to do this. I can only think of the positives really. I mean I know the downsides, hence my fears before, but now, I really do see so much benefit and honor, so I told him just those things.



I also told him that it always was and will ultimately be his decision, but I know it gave him peace of mind knowing that I am happy for him to make a decision whatever it be now. So I think now he feels alot more positively about joining a branch of the military, and at first we had only discussed the army really, but now he is weighing his options of all branches thoroughly. After our talk we felt such a strong bond with both each other and God, and I feel so right about this.



I told him about all of the support that you guys gave and how much you helped me. You also helped him, with your responses as well. He wanted me to thank you all. :-)



Now comes the next step, telling his parents that he is strongly considering enlisting. Please pray that it goes smoothly. As many parents are, they will be shocked and maybe a little hesitant or sad, but they will also be very proud. Then, the fun stuff.. him making the for sure decision whether he wants to persue this, and then what branch to follow. :-)



I'll bring in more updates as soon as we figure more things out.

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 3/22/2010 5:29 AM (GMT -7)   
I am so bleeding proud of you for ..going for it..telling him its up to him n you will stick by him..you hv really grown hun....as for his parents i honestly hope they will support his decision as well..keep us posted n kudos again..tell him we are proud of him plz..huggles..lyn
Long Time Member of da Family

Crohns..Fibromyalgia,,Neuropathy...Deaf...Seizures Pyoderma gangrenosum


Co mod for Crohns...Anxiety/Panic and Alzheimers

lyn


stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 3/22/2010 7:04 AM (GMT -7)   
Paige,


Way to go and I too am proud of you for being supportive of your bf and looking at the big picture. :-)



I was the Mother of an 18 year old that went right from High School Graduation to the Marines. I will admit I was thrown for a loop but I feel it had more to do with the idea that all of a sudden he was leaving home and I fell into the empty next syndrome. Even thow I had 3 children still at home, this was my baby boy and where had the 18 years gone to ?



My husband was a Navy Vet and he talked to me at length to help me understand and accept that this was our son's decision.



My son did very well and to this day he feels he received much as a Marine..............he is now an Electrical Engineer and much of his education was connected to his years in the Marines.



I will say a prayer that your bf's parents will understand even if it is a bit of a shock.



As a parent I am extremely proud of my adult children and will always support them even if I would have chosen a different path.



"The Few. The Proud. The Marines. Semper Fidelis; Always Faithful"



Lots of hugs,



Kitt

debaser
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1745
   Posted 3/23/2010 2:21 PM (GMT -7)   
In my experience the people in the Marines are dumber than the average bear, but there are a lot of exceptions to that rule. The Corps itself is great. The administration is what screwed me, coupled with the time I was in. I probably should have noted why I am bitter...the same things that happened to me probably wouldn't happen today.

I enlisted not long after high school graduation. This was in 1994, and they were downsizing the military. After a year or so I was transferred to a unit that sort of supported Force Recon, which is sort of like the special forces of the Marine Corps. I was extremely bored and thought I'd go out for Force Recon because it would probably be more interesting among other things. Well, my CO agreed that I should do it, and sent me off to do it. And I was doing well doing it, and probably would have been a Force Recon Marine except that I got hurt during jump training. Knee. Went to the Navy hospital and had minor surgery. During rehab they said I could get out on a medical if I wanted to, and at that point I did want that because I knew I couldn't be a Force Recon Marine after the injury and I'd had enough of the rest of it. Well I was led to believe I'd get some VA benefits and some GI Bill benefits. Got nothing. They throw a stack a papers 2 inches thick at you and I guess when you just had surgery and are dealing with the rigors of rehab you tend to take their word for it. Well, they lied. Had I known what I was signing I wouldn't have signed, period.

Eventually I do believe I'll get the VA benefits, but it probably won't be without a fight.

So, anyway, just tell him to make sure he reads everything or for some reason he cannot, have someone he trusts read it for him. Never put your signature on anything without fully understanding it, which is true all throughout life but probably moreso in a situation when you are for all intents and purposes the property of the United States government.

MMMNAVY
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 6927
   Posted 3/23/2010 3:15 PM (GMT -7)   
The sooner you file the better debaser. The fact that it has been over 10 years since you left is not looking in your favor.
It took me three years (and of course you will have to fight).
Did the service give you any disability?

I agree READ EVERYTHING, do not let someone else summarize it for you! Be aware that (no kidding!) one goes where the military needs you!
Forum Co-moderator - Crohn's Disease/Thyroid Disorders:_All comments have the caveat contact your local health care provider.

I will find a way or make one. –Phillip Sidney 1554-1586

All that I am and all that I shall ever be, I owe to my Angel Mother.

The Bucket List- Have you found joy in your life?  Has your life brought joy to others?

Make sure your suffering has meaning…


debaser
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1745
   Posted 3/23/2010 4:49 PM (GMT -7)   
No disability. I'm fine now.

I have filed for VA benefits three times and have been rejected three times. I figure I did serve my country (maybe not for long because they wanted me out while I got hurt "on the job") and I deserve just the basic stuff. Not asking for a lot.

Of course VA was notoriously stingy during the 2000's, and I was rejected twice during that time. It makes me really mad not because it's happening to me, but because this country for several years simply didn't take care of those who went to war in Iraq and Afghanistan. Supposedly things are a bit better now. Kudos to McCain for making it an issue during the campaign and to Obama for following through.

Maybe if I filed again I'd get it. But is it worth it at this point?

PaigeDP
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 163
   Posted 3/24/2010 5:05 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey guys.. so here's a pretty big update on this!!

My boyfriend visited a recruiter today, after telling his parents, which went well, if I didn't already tell everyone that. He is signing papers tomorrow, and the "earliest and most probable bootcamp" is in November. He will probably be taking his MEPS not long after signing. I can tell you one thing for sure, my nerves are freaking out right now!!!

I'm extremely happy for him, and he knows to read every single word of the paperwork before signing and to not let any summarize it for him. I am very proud of him, and I know all of you will be here to support me through the rough times. :)

He also learned there is a chance to sign up for base housing after marriage, which is good if we take that leap. We have discussed that and I do think that will happen. His life is about to take a DRASTIC change, as is mine. Thank you guys so much for being here to support me.

Oh also he is going into the Marines.

God Bless

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 3/24/2010 5:14 PM (GMT -7)   
Paige,


You have our support and our caring so go bravely into the new life you have planned out for the two of you. Lean on each other and keep communications open.



Blessings to you,



Kitt

debaser
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1745
   Posted 3/24/2010 7:14 PM (GMT -7)   
Ah, yes. Marine boot camp. I'd say "drastic change" is a bit of an understatement. He's going to go through Hell and back, almost literally, but he will come out stronger for it.

PaigeDP
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 163
   Posted 3/24/2010 7:38 PM (GMT -7)   
Thank you you guys. :) and Debaser, I hope he does come out stronger :) and not with an anxiety disorder haha! He's really strong, and I wouldn't expect that of him, though. But then again I guess you never really know what to expect from the military. Either way, he was going to become a cop initially so he would be going through a job with a potential of that happening anyways

debaser
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1745
   Posted 3/24/2010 8:04 PM (GMT -7)   
Well the Marines certainly didn't cause my anxiety disorder. Of course combat can cause problems but let's hope he never sees any. Police departments love ex-military, so he will be set up for that pretty well.

Allow me to give you some advice to pass onto him:

Find the biggest hill around. Run up and down it. A lot. Then do it some more, and it would be better if he were wearing a very, very heavy backpack.
Suggest that he go ahead and invest in some combat boots so he will be used to them.
If he has any extra body fat, tell him to get rid of it.
Push ups. And sit ups. And chin-ups. Suggest that he do a lot of each.
Over the summer, it would be beneficial for him to take a jujitsu class. They're using a different martial arts now, but I can't imagine it would be that much different.
And, finally, for the last thing I can thing of, I would buy a 30-0-6 hunting rifle and practice, practice, practice.

There is no way to really prepare for what they will put him through, but if he does most of that he will have a big leg up on his fellow recruits. If he does none of it, there are no words to describe the horror. Even if he was a star athlete in high school it will not be nearly enough. A lot of it will be psychological, but if he already knows what it's like to be truly exhausted his mind will be up for it.

PaigeDP
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 163
   Posted 3/24/2010 10:18 PM (GMT -7)   
Hahah thats so funny! He wasn't ever a star athelete or played any sports for that matter, but he has a pair of combat boots, has taken MMA before, and has a very low body fat! :P But I will definitely pass all of this on to him. He will appreciate it very much. He has started on the push ups and sit ups but not so much the chin ups.

He does reall need to practice shooting as much as possible, oh, and swimming! That's a big one for him. He will seriously be soooo happy that you posted this, though!

Thanks so much debaser :) You're such a help!

debaser
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1745
   Posted 3/24/2010 10:41 PM (GMT -7)   
The Corps is really big on hand-to-hand combat, as you can probably imagine. Even if he's done MMA before I'd get in a class again over the summer. The chin ups are really important. Make him start running, seriously, and not on flat ground. That's probably the single most important thing. As long as he can swim I'd put that on the back burner and the shooting probably isn't as important, either, as they will teach him. If he's never shot a gun before it would be worth spending time on, though. Main thing is physical conditioning.

When it's all done he'll be relieved, and rightfully very proud. A warrior in the best infantry in the world. Tip of the spear.

johnnyringo
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 11
   Posted 3/25/2010 6:30 PM (GMT -7)   
Paige tell him to make sure he gets a high asvab score so he can "pick"a job that he wants then he can go to each branch and see which one will get him what he wants,and make sure its in writing before he goes.I was in the navy and i chose a school and job before i went in.but if he has a degree or is in college now i would recomend the officer candidate school. I just wouldnt want him to get in and not have a clue as to what he will be doing after bootcamp.back when i was in the service some friends of mine scored low on the asvab and got infantry or cook or something like that.so be careful.also make sure he knows that life is a whole lot different in the service and things will get tuff so to me which branch of service is important as to what he wants to get out of it. the way i look at it they are all great.everyone thats served will tell you that thres is the best, alot of people do not know that the average age fighting and serving for our freedom are only 19.so its a big step in life.1.army= germany Navy= 4 years on a ship on west pacs or med cruises for 6months at a time then occasional 2 week or one month out for trials drills etc.then 2 years shore you get what i mean by the different services.look into them.I am proud to say that i served. any questios feel free.take care.
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