Hello everyone, long time since i've been on here writing - i hope you are all well, and still think this web site is completely fantastic!
When i was first diagnosed with having anxiety, depression, ocd and panic disorder my cousin Richard (he's my dad's cousin really, so he's a lot older) came over to talk to me because he is a long term anxiety sufferer. He said that relationships might not be possible, he didn't go into detail, he always seems so down, but he spoke briefly about
a woman he loved called Ruth - but he couldn't see her anymore because she made him too scared and he was too paranoid i suppose.
I didn't really think a lot about
this, it sort of stuck in my mind but just right there at the back.
However, now i have been in a relationship with another man - and i've been with him for about
a year and a half. He is wonderful - if i have panic attacks in public or can't finnish eating in a resteraunt he will talk me through it, or he will cancel a big occasion he has been looking forward to if i am down or depressed (i don't ask him to, he is just so caring.)
So yeah - it should all be perfect. BUT - i have kind of avoided dating other men in my home town because the gay scene is all about
sex and i think loveless sex is damaging - but my boyfriend is a bit older then me and he has REALLY been all over the scene. I am the 5th Ben he has dated - We can't go to a pub or bar or resteraunt in town without bumping into someone he slept with or kissed or dated.
I find myself going through his facebook looking at every comment and picture - there is nothing there and anything there might be there will be from like 3 years ago or something - but still it makes me so angry to the point where i want to break up with him because i'm so scared and jelous.
The other thing is, despite knowing he has been with all these other people, he never seems that sexual with me, and that scares me a lot. I speak to him about
it and he just says the times before he was just drunk and stupid and sad most the time and felt like he had to do it, but that really he's not a sexual person.
Sorry for venting and sorry for talking about
same sex stuff, i didn't mean to offend anyone. Its just getting a bit heavy on me and i'd like to know if other people deal with this.
Post Edited (boxcastle) : 3/24/2010 12:35:44 PM (GMT-6)