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Cant Deal
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 34
   Posted 4/5/2010 7:51 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello,
 
I hope someone can help me.  I was doing so well with my anxiety until recently.  For about a year I have been convinced that I have HIV.  I had a negative 8 week test (from a REAL risk which I feel so awful about) which I have been told is conclusive but I still can't get past it.  When I start to panic I get online and read the facts over and over again.  Sometimes it helps and sometimes it makes it worse... depending on what I find of course.  I just read a post on here about obsessive googling and I guess that's kinda what I am doing.
 
Why does my brain not allow me to believe the test?
Why can I not get past this?
 
I have been taking zoloft and seeing a counsellor but I still cannot get past this.  I wanted to post here to get some advice from others who deal with extreme anxiety.
 
Please help me.  I cant take this anymore. 
 

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 4/5/2010 9:03 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey there, I am sorry your anxiety is taking control but also glad to read  you are doing great things to try to not let it rule. Sometimes the anxiety does break through and the best we can do is accept how we feel at the moment.  Remember you have anxiety, it does not have you and you can control it but we all have our bad days.  Your pretty normal from what I have read.
 
Perhaps you would do well in a group therapy session if that is available in your area.  I would continue your one on one counseling but actually talking face to face with others is sometimes helpful.
 
I have read that people who suffer from anxiety disorders are twice as likely to become addicted to  internet  "googling" so do stop and just walk away from the computer when you are feeling anxious and think the magic answers are on the net.
 
You have the tools and the ability to control your anxiety so please do believe that you will be OK and know coming here and sharing your feelings is a good thing.
 
I wish you peace,
 
Kitt

Cant Deal
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 34
   Posted 4/5/2010 9:23 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you Kitt.
 
I keep trying to tell myself "you do not have HIV, you have anxiety and your anxiety is feeding off the HIV thing" 
 
Sometimes I can calm myself down and be rational but other times I find that the anxiety and the "what if's" and guilt take over.  If I had a negative blood test for having diabetes or cancer I would simply move on and never worry, so the HIV worry obviously must stem from something else.  I just can't work past it. 
 
I am going on a vacation soon and I am hoping and praying that my anxiety and obsessing don't keep me from enjoying myself.  I find that I get so much worse at night for some reason. 

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 4/5/2010 9:34 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey Cant Deal

I know the "what ifs" very well and that is one of my biggest challenges...........but try to turn your thinking around. It feels to me that you are beating yourself up for making an error in judgement and that you are blaming yourself for being exposed. Let go of the past as you cannot change it.
"Love yourself—accept yourself—forgive yourself—and be good to yourself, because without you the rest of us are without a source of many wonderful things.” Leo F. Buscaglia

Start planning your vacation but remember to be realistic. Your going off to have a relaxing, fun time and that is all you have to take care of. Let go of the "what ifs".

Gentle Hugs,

Kitt

Post Edited By Moderator (Admin) : 8/7/2010 10:58:44 PM (GMT-6)


Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 4/5/2010 9:44 AM (GMT -7)   
Living in the what ifs i believe can kill your character more than anything
try to get past this
learn from it and go on knowing you are okay
youve been tested now so enjoy your well deserved vacation....


lyn

Cant Deal
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 34
   Posted 4/5/2010 9:59 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you so much.  Both of you.
 
It really helps to know that there are other people that have anxiety like me and deal with the all too often "what if's."
Lyn, I fully agree that they can kill your character.  Kitt, thanks for the quote!  I love it.
 
You honestly have made me feel so much better.  I think they key is really trying to convince myself that my real sickness is the ANXIETY and the OCD not hiv.  And of course, working to forgive myself for a stupid decision that I have certainly learned from.  I often feel so angry that I have let this fear cause me so much stress and anguish. 
 
When you start to think about the "what if's" how do you deal with it best?  So far I have been googling and I just promised myself I will not do that anymore, however I will need a new tactic.
 

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 4/5/2010 10:20 AM (GMT -7)   
okay now that ticked me off i had a great post for ya n lost it
anyways hun the gist of it was this
dont dwell on what you have done
learn n go on
dont make that mistake again
you got another chance
go on vaqcation n laugh enjoy and come back telling us you had a great time
Anxiety can also make you bankrupt hun takes all ya got n more
n for some silly reason it dont take credit cards lol
have a good one
huggs
lyn
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