Let me introduce myself. My name is Tiffany, I recently turned 25 years old (March 11th), I am married to a wonderful man named Robert (but only goes by Bobby), and I have two beautiful Daughters. Rayne is 3 years old and Saige is 6 months. I am a stay at home mother full time, although I keep my Massage License active because some day I do plan on getting back into the healing world of Bodywork.
I have suffered from anxiety for as long as I can remember. Even as a child my mother used to call me a worry wart. Sometimes I would suddenly become afraid to fall asleep in fear that I might stop breathing, Nightmares were a common occurrence, and I didn’t like to step outside my comfort zone. Birthday Parties and Sleep Overs in crowds or with people I didn’t know made me uneasy. Not to say I didn’t join in still, at least some of the time. In High School I was finally diagnosed as having an Anxiety Disorder and IBS was a symptom of that. This was helpful in taking charge of my life, and I began to challenge myself to do things outside of my comfort zone. Things like, taking the Community Transit Bus to get places, going out with friends, experiencing new things, etc. I learned how to drive and decided to go to college, even graduated with honors. Finally I was getting out and participating in life, even though I still struggled… life was manageable. I can’t imagine going out and doing things like that anymore, hard to believe I was ever able to.
When I got pregnant with my First Baby, Rayne, things started out normal but about half way through I started having a lot of problems. Nothing life threatening but still debilitating. I lived off of Prilosec and couldn’t eat anything but bland foods like String Cheese and crackers. Prenatal Vitamins gave me headaches, I couldn’t exercise because even if I tried I’d feel out of breath and dizzy. My blood pressure was always up when I went to the doctors but then went down… I probably went to the hospital 4 different times thinking I was in labor due to the constant Braxton Hicks contractions. I’m sure my anxiety started to rear it’s ugly head about this time, but I thought it was all pregnancy related symptoms. Unfortunately it never went away after giving birth. I ended up having Pre-eclampsia after having Rayne, rare but happens, and a long recovery that followed. Although I love being a mother and she was always a joy, my anxiety sky rocketed. I became afraid to go anywhere. I would panic just going to the grocery store. Although I have suffered life long with anxiety, I never really had panic attacks. The dizzy, tingling, hyperventilating stuff was new. Reached a peak around the time Rayne was 9 months old. After we moved to Arlington there was an evening where I thought I was dying. Ended up calling 911 and they put me on oxygen only to tell me I was having a panic attack. I struggled hard for a while longer but shortly after Rayne turned One I started getting motivated and live began to flow again. My diet changed drastically, started working out again, and felt pretty good.
I had my second baby, Saige, on September 30 2009. Unlike with Rayne I had a great Pregnancy and birth experience. I even go the all natural drug free water birth at a Birth Center that I wanted so badly before. Unexpectedly though I developed some postpartum depression afterward. I just didn’t feel like myself, and that scared me. Really I think this was the beginning of my anxiety resurfacing. Not to say it disappeared, no matter what it has always been there just in a manageable or non-manageable form. Things seemed ok though for a short while but then I had my first panic attack in a long time. I had gone Christmas shopping with a friend at night and she got lost. We were driving home in the dark and suddenly I felt very panicky. From there I started to get panic attacks every now and then, more and more often. For a little while I was working out still and feeling pretty good but then about two months ago after having a panic attack after working out I haven’t been able to since.
I am at the point now where I don’t like getting in the car or going anywhere. Anxiety is a constant daily struggle. I am looking into finding a therapist, as I do not want to be on Medication. My anxiety has gotten extreme while Breast Feeding so I wonder if hormones are effecting my condition. (I nursed Rayne till she was exactly 2 but considerably less after she was 1 because she was also eating solids and I am still exclusively breast feeding Saige) I have been feeling very alone and scared that there is something wrong with me and I’ll never recover… which has brought me here. I hope that by meeting others who suffer as I do I can find hope and comfort that this doesn't' just happen to me. Maybe even learn how to cope with it better...
Dizzy/Light Headed, numbing/tingling, IBS, nausea, Shaky/Trembling, feeling overheated/HOT, Tightness/tension, short of breath, clammy/sweaty hands and feet (although cold to the touch), tired/weak, heart racing/pounding, Worry, Clumsiness, etc.
Anxiety/Panic Disorder, Agoraphobic, IBS, and possibly some Hypochondria
Thanks for Listening :)