Will I ever feel good again?...Part 2

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NeedingAnswers
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 93
   Posted 5/13/2010 5:41 PM (GMT -7)   
This is a continuation from a previous thread that I started which was evidently getting too long.  After being on antibiotics for 4 days, only had one day left, I called the doctors office today and they called in a prescription for a different antibiotic.  I was so proud of myself for actually getting up the courage to call them.  Making phone calls is usually very difficult for me because I get nervous.  I did so because my ears are still aching and I feel so much fluid sloshing around in there that it was driving me crazy.
 
Actually most everything is driving me crazy anymore!  Still convinced that something serious is going on with my health.  Everyone keeps telling me that it's acid reflux but I just don't see how it could cause this much discomfort.  My back has been aching a ton and I feel tightness from my chest up in my throat for the last few days.  If this is what life is going to be like without a gallbladder, I want mine back!  The gallbladder attacks were terrible but at least they only lasted a few hours then I felt decent, not good though.  There are only a couple people in my life that aren't totally getting on my nerves.  Every little thing that doesn't go right for me I spaz over.  Yesterday, I left my lunch at home, tried to go out and get something from a place I get food from all the time and it was terrible.  That really ticked me off.  Today, I go to get my prescription and guess what, the power is out at the drug store.  It did come back on after like 10 minutes but still.  I guess I keep expecting things to go wrong and it ends up happening.  I'm grouchy, frustrated, and tired of dealing with all of this.  It's like mentally and physically everything is all out of wack now and I don't know how to deal with it.
 
Still haven't heard from the counselor yet.  Can't believe I finally talked to my doctor about the anxiety, told him I needed to talk to someone, and they aren't even going to call me!  I guess I'll wait and call them Monday if they don't call me tomorrow but why should I have to?  I'm so anxious about that and just want to get it going instead of having to wait.  It's day 4 on Zoloft which no noticeable improvement yet, which is to be expected.  I know I sound like the biggest cry baby ever.  So many people are dealing with issues much worse than anything I'm going through.  To me though, this is all new and scary.  I just want to feel good again.
 
Hope you all have a nice day!
 
Edit:  I posted the link to your original thread.  Thank you for starting Part 2.
 
Link to original thread: http://www.healingwell.com/community/default.aspx?f=9&p=1&m=1788407

Post Edited By Moderator (stkitt) : 5/14/2010 7:57:49 AM (GMT-6)


SnowyLynne
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Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 1539
   Posted 5/13/2010 6:12 PM (GMT -7)   
Have you seen a Dr? If not,why?
SnowyLynne


NeedingAnswers
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 93
   Posted 5/13/2010 6:26 PM (GMT -7)   
I've seen several.  I had an upper endoscopy a couple weeks ago which showed esophagitis.  I had my gallbladder removed in December.  Still having all sorts of aches and pains.  Now I'm having trouble with my ear and throat which my doctor thinks is being caused by my sinuses.  I'm having a ton of anxiety over my health right now.  Even though I'm not sure what I have, I keep thinking I have some rare or serious illness.  Especially on days like today where my back aches like crazy.  Yesterday it was more my chest bothering me.  Going to doctors does me know good because they either don't listen or I can't explain what is going on well enough. Monday, when I went to the doctor, my blood pressure was 143/89 and the nurse was talking about it shouldn't be that high for someone my age.  It's because I get nervous!  In fact, I've been worried because my blood pressure has been running really low lately.  I'm talking like 95/55 and sometimes in the high 40s for the diastolic number.  Does my doctor know about this?...No, because I'm afraid he'll think I'm a hypochondriac.

debaser
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1745
   Posted 5/13/2010 11:36 PM (GMT -7)   
Will you ever feel good again? Yes. Some of it, though, is a matter of faith. You have to believe you will. Think positively.

I've been through most of the things you're going through. Gall bladder. Reflux. Sinus problems. Anxiety. And yet I feel fine most all of the time, even though it wasn't always this way. I started getting better when I accepted the anxiety. It doesn't sound to me like you've grasped just how strong the mind-body connection is. As an example, you feel bad with the reflux. It's very real and you're not imagining it. However, if not for anxiety you may not even be experiencing the reflux. That's how powerful the connection is.

And I'm not sure why you'd doubt the acid reflux diagnosis. Get a second opinion on it, sure, but you've had an upper endoscopy and they can tell a lot with that. Not to be rude, but "they" have medical degrees. You don't. Until you get a qualified medical opinion that says otherwise, accept that you are, in fact, experiencing acid reflux.

I really believe that the sooner you start trusting your doctors and accepting the situation for what it is, the sooner you'll be able to deal with it.

Regarding the therapist, they generally don't call a new patient to make an appointment. It's possible that they had an office mix up or something. I realize you have difficulty talking to people, but why not call tomorrow? You're anxious about it...why not call them to make an appointment so you don't have to think about it over the weekend?

Getting back to your original question:

Yes, you are going to feel better. Things will be okay; it's not going to be like this forever. You have to believe that. Say it to yourself over and over again: "I'm going to feel better soon". Relax, take deep breaths, and repeat that phrase over and over again in your mind.

Howlyncat
Elite Member


Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 24909
   Posted 5/14/2010 6:08 AM (GMT -7)   
TY Debaser
great input per norm
you hv come a long way my friend

Needing Answers
\YES u will get better you have to be your own best advocate n yes you should listen to docs but also never be afraid to ask questions of what you need to know they are there for that reason and it might ease yr mind with answers they have as well dont hesitate to question the doc about things being said too
they are human .....

i think you hv severe health anxiety n perhaps doing the cbt or /and seeing a therapist might help you out immensely..but thats my opinion
tk care n ty for posting a second thread
lyn


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Post Edited (Howlyncat) : 5/14/2010 7:19:18 AM (GMT-6)


NeedingAnswers
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 93
   Posted 5/14/2010 6:24 PM (GMT -7)   

Thanks everyone.  I had a pretty good day today.  No real issues with my chest and back aching like the previous 2 days.  My ears even feel some better today as well.  Still no call from the counselor but I did try to call her and just got her voicemail.  It only took me 5 minutes of staring at the phone before I picked it up and made the call, haha!  Guess I'll have to try again Monday. 

The reason I can't just accept the diagnosis from my doctor is because the medicine isn't helping me.  Also I've made dietary changes and am just a few pounds away from being in the normal weight range.  Also, I feel like appointments are rushed, I get nervous, and I'm not even sure they understand, or do I even tell them, the symptoms I'm having.  For instance, this morning my bp was 92/48.  It's been running low for weeks and the ear/throat issues have been going on even longer.  Do you think I mentioned my blood pressure concerns to my doctor?...Nope!...You know why?...because I'm afraid something is wrong with me.  I'm obsessing because I'm afraid something is seriously wrong but at the same time I don't disclose info to my doctor because I'm afraid something is seriously wrong!  If that is confusing to you, just imagine what it's like to be in my head right now!  I feel like I haven't even really started living my life yet and might never get to do the things I want to in life.  Recently this has caused me to spend a great deal of time thinking about past decisions I've made which is depressing.

debaser - Thanks for your advice!  It's make me feel a lot better knowing that you have had a very similar experience to mine and you did indeed start feeling good again.  That's all I want.   I'm sure I'm probably making the reflux worse because I know anxiety and stress can cause reflux.  Maybe I am unintentionally causing all of this myself.  When I'm not in pain/discomfort it's more easy to accept the acid reflux diagnosis.  However, as soon as the pain/discomfort start again that all goes out the window.  I'm going to feel better soon!...I'm going to feel better soon!...Hopefully the counselor can help me with this as well.

Howlyncat - Thanks!  I don't know why I get so nervous going to doctors, like you said they are human as well.  If I could ever get to the point where I wasn't so nervous when going, I would be better at communicating.  I've been getting a lot of experience at going to the doctor recently, unfortunately.  It is getting easier than it was, for sure.  I'm hopefully going to be talking to a counselor soon over the anxiety issues.

csmc3 - Hey, anxiety twin!  Yeah, I do the absolutely same thing, for years now, over any ache an pain I get.  I, like you, have many times convinced myself that I have some serious illness.  With me though, I still wouldn't go to the doctor.  All those problems thankfully went away on their own.  The gallbladder issues, however, changed all of that.  I knew I had to go to the doctor because of those attacks.  I know that the anxiety is probably making the reflux worse but I just can't stop having anxiety over it.  I hope you are right, that talking to the counselor will help me with the health anxiety and make sure it doesn't come back in another form.  I guess it was Saturday at work I kept thinking every customer I waited on was sick and I was going to catch whatever they had?  I thought about it all day and it freaked me.  Thankfully, that only lasted for one day and hasn't happened since.  Hope you had a good day?  Please tell me you went and got your prescription!  You need to take care of yourself because you have a responsibility to me, as my therapist, until I actually get one.  Haha!  Just kidding!  I want you to feel good so you need to be taking your meds.  Thanks for taking time to respond to my posts!


NeedingAnswers
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 93
   Posted 5/14/2010 8:00 PM (GMT -7)   
Leaving a message would've been a bit too much for me.  I always babble and sound completely ridiculous.  Baby steps, haha! If you think I'm making progress, not sure yet,  it's because of the excellent tips and advice I've received from you and everyone on here.  Hearing about the changes you have made gives me hope that just maybe I can do the same.  I'm afraid that I'm not really ready to do the work it will involve though.  I don't like getting out of my comfort zone.  I'm afraid to do so many things that are simple for most people.  Today, I drove my car home with the low tire pressure light on because I was too afraid to stop and put air in my tire.  I know how to but I'm scared and I don't like going to gas stations I'm not really familiar with.  Even though I passed 3 or 4 of them on my way home.  The tire looked alright to me, just a little low.  Oh well, I made it home.  Will get my Dad to look at it.  I'm 26 and he has to handle alot of things for me.  My sister, who is 6 years younger than me is going to college, moving into her own apartment, and is very independent.  We are so different and wish I could be like her.

stkitt
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Apr 2007
Total Posts : 32602
   Posted 5/15/2010 7:49 AM (GMT -7)   
Good Morning,


I think you are on the right track now to help you keep going let me tell you that I have had anxiety for 28 years and I have had some rough times much similar to yours. Afraid to leave home, doing the "what if" thinking and just feeling overwhelmed as well as wishing with all my heart I could just be "normal" like everyone else.



I just saw both my therapist and psychiatrist yesterday and one of them pointed out to me that when we look around at other people we consider normal we really don't know that they are not having major issues of their own. She shared with me that she has had many patients that were physicians, therapists, and other psychiatrists and that helped me realize that I am not the only one with anxiety. Yes this may be my normal as I am unique but like anyone with a disorder/disease accepting that I have it and working through it is the best way to deal with it.



I hate the idiot lights on the new cars and I have had my tire pressure light go on when I was driving and yup the anxiety went up.............I did not know if it meant I needed to stop right where I was or what. Thankfully my hubby was home so I called him and he reassured me it was safe to drive home. I would not want to stop and try to guess how much air to put into the tires.............so your one step ahead of me. At least you know how to do it. :)



As for your therapist appointment, does this person have a receptionist that makes appointment or is this a clinic where you can call a main number to schedule an appointment? The toughest part of going to therapy is the anticipatory anxiety that we get hung up in wondering what we are going to say. I have sat at more then one appointment and just cried sadly as I felt so bad for being there but eventually the words would tumble out even thow they did not always make sense even to me.



In closing I will leave you with this bit of advice, each day can provide us with different opportunities to learn new things and that includes learning how to deal with your problems. Focus on the present and stop trying to predict what may happen next week. Next week will take care of itself. I have great faith in you. Just remember to believe in yourself. You are a wonderful person.



Gentle Hugs,



Kitt

Old Hippy
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 104
   Posted 5/16/2010 3:20 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi all...:) I do not know what more that I could add to the conversation--as you all have given great counsel & support! I do know one thing though--that anxiety challenges are nothing to dismiss and those of us who live with them on a daily basis--need to be our own best advocate. I have had doctors who gave me wrong diagnoses, ignored my concerns, and caused me to end up in an emergency ward in a life/death situation--so I <definately> do not view doctors as <GODS>, they are subject to making mistakes just like everyone else... Only you, know your own body and when the docs dismiss your concerns,< because they have profiled you as a MH problem>-then, that is when you have to fight your uneasiness and speak up. Don't let them intimidate you--they are working for you! Even after all these years, I struggle to make phone calls, but it does get easier and putting them off only leads one into a viscious cycle of procrastination & self-doubt... Bravo to you--for taking the necessary steps forward and for speaking up! Take Care...

NeedingAnswers
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 93
   Posted 5/16/2010 7:54 PM (GMT -7)   
I hate to jinx things by posting this but for the last couple days I've been feeling pretty good.  The chest/back aching has been almost non-existant for 2 days, yay!  Actually I've had fewer GI symptoms the last couple days than I'd had in months.  I doubt Zoloft has anything to do with that, since this is just day 7 on it, but who knows.  You know what I think has really helped?...Getting on here and talking to you all about the things bothering me.  I was feeling really down and alone when I posted here for the first time.  To know that people understand where I'm coming from and are so willing to offer support and advice has meant a lot to me.  I've shared things with you all that my family and friends don't even know about me.  If not for some of you, I don't know that I would've had the courage to speak to my doctor about the anxiety.  While I'm apprehensive about talking to the counselor I'm looking forward to it in a way.  I'm feeling better about  life than I was a couple weeks ago, for sure.  Not that I'm anywhere near figuring things out but I don't feel quite as lost right now.  Thanks to everyone!  You all are an awesome bunch of people!
 
csmc3 - You did just encourage me to go, you told me I had to.  Haha!  If not for finding the fabulous people on this forum, I really wouldn't have talked to my doctor about the anxiety.  I've been really embarassed about it and didn't understand why I couldn't just make it go away on my own.  Knowing that there are other people that have similar issues to mine made me realize that I'm not the only person in the world dealing with this.  I didn't realize that I had a twin out there, now I know...haha!  Sometimes I convince myself that I like staying in my comfort zone just so I don't have to face how I really feel about it.  It may feel safe at the time but it usually just ends up making me feel worse about myself because I can't do the things that I want to do.  I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better about the situation with your old therapist.  Keep talking about it with the people on here and maybe that will help.
 
stkitt - Dad to the rescue again as I got him to put some air in my tire.  Thank goodness I have him in my life or who knows where I would be.  He has to do a lot for me unfortunately.  I don't know how he stands living with me as I'm usually in a grouchy mood even after all he does.  I look at some of my friends and think wow, they have it all.  What you said about not knowing what other people are going through is true I suppose.  I guess appearances can be deceiving and while I may think some of my friends have the perfect lives they may be just as unhappy as I am.  I guess the counselors office has a receptionist that schedules the appointments, not sure.  I do plan on calling tomorrow morning.  Thank you so much for your kind words.  Hoping that I am on the right track like you said.
 

debaser
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 1745
   Posted 5/16/2010 11:24 PM (GMT -7)   
I hope nothing I said was misconstrued. Doctors definitely aren't gods. In my case they misdiagnosed a simple gall bladder problem for months and months and were looking for cancer and basically putting me through the mental ringer.



But you can sort of think of something like acid reflux like it's not much more than a plumbing problem. They put a camera down there and they can see that...while I'm not a doctor I would think it one of the simpler diagnoses to make.

But it's a crazy thing to actually have. Plus I think since you're not too far out from gall bladder surgery you may be experiencing some bile reflux, as well. In fact, didn't you say your doctors said something about that? Well if that's the case, PPIs aren't going to help much. But from what I understand about the bile thing, that's almost sure to go away with time. At the beginning of this when I said some people were never the same, what I meant was they can't eat whatever they want without having some digestive issues. Nothing major. The worst I've ever heard of it being was if you were to eat a fatty meal, you may have make a sprint for the bathroom, haha. And obviously that can be a problem. For my part, I haven't had much of that at all. Basically I have gas that gets trapped in my stomach and if I'm nervous I just can't burp it out. It can get pretty bad when it really builds up. But the key to that is mental. Stay calm, and the experience will be less bad and it will go away faster. It took me a long time to learn how to deal with that.

So I think you're in good shape, all in all. Given your age and lack of a medical history, the odds are pretty long against there being something seriously wrong with you. Definitely listen to your body, but at the same time you absolutely cannot fixate on these things. Not now. If you're still having unexplained symptoms after you've gotten your anxiety under control, then you'll want to go back to the gi doctors and so forth. For now concentrate on your mental health and just kind of see what happens.

I'm really glad to hear you've started to be proactive. Honestly, that's probably why you're feeling better. Over time you're going to learn how to calm yourself and as you do, I bet you'll notice that you feel much better physically. It's not going to be easy all the time and you're going to have bad days and so on, but generally I think you'll find that things will get better from here on out.

Anyway it's late and I'm rambling. Have a good day tomorrow.
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